


I'm always in this twilight

by Glamazon91



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Angst, Aphrodisiacs, Bofur is a Sweetheart, Dubious Consent, F/M, First Kiss, Gen, Goblins, Hair Kink, Kissing, Masturbation, Multi, One-Sided Relationship, Other, Prostitution, Scents & Smells, Sexual Tension, Stalking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-09
Updated: 2014-07-28
Packaged: 2018-01-11 18:56:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 64,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1176671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Glamazon91/pseuds/Glamazon91
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Life had not been easy on her. She had no hope for a better life, and after she had ran away from that life and gotten captured by goblins, she knew all hope was lost until she was reluctantly saved by a company of dwarves. Can she be able to help herself enough to see a day beyond the neverending twilight? </p><p>Rated for adult themes, explicit unpleasantries of all sorts and smut in later chapters. </p><p>If you want it, you'll have to work for it, because I fear this might be a long one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The rescue

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! This is my first time writing a fanfiction for the Hobbit. I am going to use elements from both the book and the movies. Whichever I see fit with the story. As you know both belong to J.R.R. Tolkien and Peter Jackson. I own nothing, except my OC(s). 
> 
> Hope you like it - if you do, please let me know so!
> 
> /Glamazon.

The remaining embers and fire from the hearth cast a faint glow in the hall. The company was sleeping. Everyone had had the need for a good nights sleep once they had arrived and finished supper consisting of bread, butter, honey and plenty of ale...

She couldn't sleep. She lay awake, staring at the wooden roof, just outside the circle of light. She couldn't believe she was there. That she was safe, for the first time in weeks, or months even. She had washed herself a few hours prior to going to bed, and it was like her skin was aching from the loss of the thick layer of dirt that had surrounded her for so long. Dirt caked upon her skin, consisting of sweat, tears, blood, sand and dust... And fouler things she didn't wish to name in her head even.

Many of the dwarves were heavy snorers it seemed, and now was not an exception. Some of them might have had a little too much ale to drink for supper, which of course only had made matters worse. Annoyed and restless, she threw the heavy wool blanket of herself and got up on stumbling feet, taking care to wrap the cloak around her safely in case she was being watched in the darkness. Maybe dwarves had better use of their eyes in the darkness than she did? She didn't know - she didn't even know why it would matter now, since every single one of the dwarves already had seen her naked as the day she was born.(With exception for the hobbit.) She felt a flush of warmth and embarrassment as she thought about that now that she was safe. She had been in no place to think about her modesty back then, given the situation she had found herself in; which was to be honest, naked, panicked and scared.

She sat down in front of the hearth to warm herself, calming herself with the sight of the fire and embers. She was far away from home now. Far away from the life she had been leading, before she ended up here. She could get no rest thinking about that, but couldn't stop herself. Instead, she thought about the events of the past few days, while absentmindedly toying with a few stands of her long hair.

She remembered how she had been laying there in her cell, more than ready to give up. She had no mean of telling how long she had been a prisoner of the goblins. No light to guide her, and no natural cycle of sleep since she wasn't allowed to sleep when she wanted to. (In face, there wasn't much sleeping at all, unless you counted fainting.) All she could remember were moments of dozing off in her cell, on the sandy floor. Her clothes had been taken from her when they had capured her, so all she could do was curl up in a corner in a vain effort to try to stay warm. She dozed off from sheer exhaustion more than anything, since she always had to be on her guard. She knew what was coming everytime the door of the cell swung open; shouting in a language she was unable to understand, mixed with broken words in the common tongue. Then there was the whip. There was no way of escaping it, no way of ignoring the burning. She had yelped and screamed the first times...But when she realised how much pleasure it gave her capturers, she had tried to limit herself to hissing when the whip licked and bruised her back. It had worked for some time, until they made a greater effort to try and harvest any sound of pain from her. The small, inbred gobins at the bottom of the foodchain had enjoyed mocking and laughing at her.

"Fat little pig!" her capturers had screamed. "We're gonna whip you all tender before cooking you!"

Once they had gotten her on her feet, it was time to get to work. They made her do all the painstakingly heavy tasks, moving stones out of the way, all the time whipping her if she went too slow. Her arms were aching, her back was aching, and all the time she scraped her naked skin on the sharp rocks she had to carry. She was lucky to not drop any heavy block of stone on her naked feet. She dropped lighter stones on herself when she was too pressed and stressed out. It was enough to make her limp for a long time afterwards.

The work wasn't the worst part of her time in Goblin town though. It was the time in between, when the goblins used all their energy to humiliate the naked and hungry human in every way they could. She closed her eyes thinking about it. Thinking about the filthiness of it all. How much it had hurt her more than just in a physical way. She knew she should have been used to being taken by force by now, given the times before she went out in the wilderness, but it couldn't compare to being used like that. She briefly remembered one particular time when she had been left alone for a while in her cell. She had instantly curled up on her side, facing the door so she would be able to look upon her capturers before they entered.

She couldn't have dozed off for more than a few minutes before she awoke with a start. She noticed she was being poked with a rather sharp stick and whimpered.

"Wakey, wakey!" the screeching voices had mocked her. "Time to get up, filthy sunshine!"

"Stop..." she had said, swatting away the stick like an annoying fly. She was getting more and more exhausted, but still had enough energy to try and fight back. She had been holding on to the stick, with a aggitated goblin at the end. His companion had brought out his faithful whip, and soon burning blows were raining all over her, making her let go of the stick. She didn't dare to try and get up to try and stop the goblin from hitting her. Besides, even though the foul creatures were small in stature, they had sharp claws and sharp teeth and she were no match for them in her naked, vulnerable state.

Next thing she knew, one of the goblins were holding her legs apart, while another held on to her arms. They had her pinned down, naked. She must have been screaming, but she couldn't recall if she had. If she had, it had surely been drowned out by the mocking laughter, the screeching voices...Much like metal grinding upon stone. The pain and horror were terrible as they had used the stick on her...Intimate parts. They had poked her, moved it inside and out, tearing her inner walls in its wake. Blood started flowing, lubricating the stick. She had cried, and all the while the goblins had been watching her, throwing curses at her in their own language as well as the common tongue, laughing and clapping their hands like it was the best entertainment they had layed eyes upon for a good while.

Some of them had been touching themselves, but not everyone. In fact, none of them had never used her womanhood to pleasure themselves. It was a small mercy, but she was thankfull for it. She knew this was something else than purely sexual. It was humiliation, and they got off on it. The goblins weren't sexual creatures, but they had enough knowledge about other races to know what most of them deemed as humiliating. She hadn't even been sure if she had seen any women amongst them, or if there was any difference between sexes. They all had the same, disfigured and disgusting faces to her. She guessed however, no matter how they bred, that there were a great deal of inbreeding amogst the goblins, given the physical state amongst most of them.

The climax of the game had ended with some of them urinating on her naked, bleeding form. Mixed with goblin spit it had run off her body, pooling around her. She had then been left alone, again, too scared and shaken to cry from anything more than the burning pain in her nether regions. She had even been to scared to move from the puddles of foulness to seek out antoher patch of floor. Yes, she had been ready to give up. The promise of inevitable death in these foul caves was the only comfort she had been able to find.

It wasn't long after that they had found her. She had noitced that there had been a lot of movement in goblin town that day, and that all of the goblins had been restless and seemed to be gathering in front of the goblin king. She had even been left alone to her own thoughts. The guards didn't seem worried about her escaping though after threatening to eat her alive if she did, since they were sure she was too weak to try and run, and that the door couldn't be opened from the inside.

Given that, she had hoped to slip away into a dreamless, if not permanent sleep while they were gone. She didn't wish for anything else than to go peacefully, what little peace there was to be found naked and abused on the floor, covered in all sorts of foul, dried fluids.

It was then she had heard steps approaching the bars of the door. Those had not been like the naked, limping footsteps of goblins. These were heavier, rushed, and obviously dressed in heavy boots. As they grew closer, she could hear the faint metallic sound of light armour and weapons, the whispering and creaking of leather. She fought between the joy of hope and the crippling fear in her chest, making her unable to move. Battling her fears, she pushed her head up from the ground. It felt all too heavy.

Voices, dark, male, rushed...

"This way!" a particulary dark one said near her door. She saw the source of the voice rush past in between bars. He was a tall man, with a long, grey beard, and clothes just as grey. In his hands he held a staff and a sword... The tip of the staff glowed like a cold star had settled upon it. It was a beautiful light that she had longed to see. She had longed to see any other kind of light than those from the fires in Goblin town. It passed quickly though with the man, some kind of wizard, from the staff she guessed, who ran past the bars, not stopping to look to the corner where she was laying.

Not far behind the wizard, another one came running. Not a man, but a lot shorter in stature. He had long, dark hair, streaked with silver, and a short, dark beard. Dressed in metal and furs, carrying a sword, he passed her just as quickly as his foregoer. A dwarf?

Her guess was confirmed as she saw other follow him and pass her. They were all dwarves, and almost everyone were carrying weapons. It must have passed about ten of them once she had gotten up, limping towards the bars of her cell. Everyone seemed too rushed to take any notice of her as she pressed herself to the door.

"Help..." she whispered, marveling at how what she intented to come out as a scream only came out like that silent, dry whisper. She cleared her throat, but found it impossible since it was dryer than the sandy floor she had been resting upon seconds ago.

"Help me..." she said, a little louder, now pressing her face inbetween bars to look out and to be seen. The dwarves just passed her, and she noticed it was the end of the line. Soon everyone of them had passed, and they were clearly in a hurry. They actually looked to be running for their lives.

"Please, help me!" she said in desperation, getting her hand out between the bars. Finally, one of the last ones, a dwarf wearing a grey wool hat, noticed her calling. He looked upon her, surprised and in chock to see anyone but a goblin there. For the fraction of a second, while the last ones ran past him, she knew he was poundering whether to acknowledge her or just keep on running with his kinsmen.

"Oy lads!" he turned his head and yelled to the rest of his company. "They have someone in here! A lass!"

Thankful, she knew there wasn't much time from their running, she moved to the door.

"Please, get me out!" she whispered in panic, not sure if he even could make out the words that escaped her cracked lips.

He was already at the door, trying to get it open. Some, but not all of the dwarves, had returned to their friend, including the dark haired one dressed in furs and metal.

"Dwalin, use your axe on the lock!" the dwarf in the hat said.

A particularly broad and strong looking dwarf with tattoos on his bald head, made quick work of the door with the heavy axe he was carrying, even though she also had seen him hesitating before releasing her. She couldn't believe it, but it was open.

"What do you think you're doing?" the dark haired dwarf with silver streaks asked agitated to the dwarf in the hat. "We don't have time for this, we need to go, now!"

"We can't just leave her!" the dwarf answered back. She had already stepped forward into the light, more than ready to go. She hadn't even given one single thought to her nakedness, only focusing on the vague promise of freedom. The dwarves around her averted their eyes from the dirty, naked woman out of courtesy.

The dark haired dwarf with the large sword sighed before speaking again. Right then and there, she got the feeling, no, she knew that he must be their leader.

"Very well. But you-" he growled, before adressing her. Until then he hadn't even seemed to take notice of her. "You better be able to run, because we're not stopping for anything or anyone to get ourselves killed."

Before she could answer him or agree, he had shrugged off his fur coat, and handed it to her.

"Take this and cover yourself. Let's move on. Now."

She nodded and shrugged it on, marveling at the sensation as the soft fur and delicate leather enclosed itself on her cold, naked body. The dwarves had already started running again, with exception of a few who stayed behind to see if she really was fit to go. She started running on the pure andrenaline coursing through her veins. Ignoring the sharp pain within her right leg as she ran, the wheezing of her parched lungs and the pain in general. She didn't have time for that. Breathing was not important. She knew she would only get one shot, and giving up on it now was not an option. All the time while she was running, her vision threatened to blur from the grateful tears she could feel luring behind her eyelids.


	2. The bath

Somehow they all managed to get out, into the daylight. Somehow they had managed to do things she had never thought possible in her state.

There had been so much going on in the past few days. It was only now, at dinner time, that they all had introduced themselves properly at her. She wasn't sure that she had been in a state to take in all of their names yet, though. It was hard to memorize the names of thirteen dwarves, a halfling and a wizard, given what she had been through.

Upon their arrival in Beorns hourse, her body had shut down from the last days lack of sleep and food. She had simply been standing up aganist a wall, and the next thing she knew, the others had found herself slumped aganist it, her body shut down in a deep sleep.

Once she had woken up, she woke up to the sounds of chattering and the sound of food being consumed and every sound that went with it. She had sat up, thankful that someone had placed a wool blanket upon her. Under that, she was still in the leaders fur and leather coat, now secured with a broad leather belt to hold it together a bit. But under that, she was still as naked as she had been the day they had found her. She sat there, not wanting to speak up to disturb them, and waited for someone to take notice of her.

"It appears the girl is awake." a low, grumbling voice said, to no one in particular. It was from the man she would later know as Beorn, and when she had first laid eyes upon him, she had been scared of him. He looked so...feral. A cross between a man and animal, eyes wild and hair untamed. They all looked at her.

"You hungry lass?" the shortest and apparently oldest dwarf with white beard asked her from the table.

"Thank you..." she mumbled under their scrutinizing stares. "More tired and thirsty..."

It was not long before a young dwarf with golden hair and beard had gotten up and had presented her with a large costrel of water. She looked up at him and noticed his friendly smile towards her. It was too heavy for her, so he had to help her drink by lifting it along with her. She almost finished it in a couple of long, hearty swigs. She looked at him once she came up for air. Thankful, she thanked him and felt really exposed with all of the company watching her in silence. It wasn't long before Beorn spoke though.

"Perhaps you would like to freshen up."  
It was not a question. She could feel herself reeking of foul odours. She didn't remember the last time she had a proper bath.

He had then called for one of his dogs. A large one with grey, thick fur. He had spoken to the dog in a language she had never heard the likes of before. It was too foreign for her to get her head around. And the dog had placed itself beside her, as if waiting for her to get up. She looked questioningly at the dog, then at Beorn.

"Do not be afraid." he said. "Just go with her. She's just going to show you what she prepared."

So she got up, and again noticed that the dwarves were averting their eyes from her, as the coat slid away from her, exposing her naked thighs. She felt ashamed to have been seen so naked in front of them, but it wasn't much she could have done about it. If she would have had to choose between showing herself naked in front of every man in the world or dying a gruesome death in those goblin caves, she would gladly do it again.

The dog went to another, smaller room, and she followed. Stopping by a large, hot bath, it waited for her to get in. Once she had hissingly got the coat off er aching skin, she stepped in, reveling at the feeling of hot water for her broken body. She sighed as it enveloped her and almost wanted to laugh as the dog presented her with a string of soap in its mouth.

She took it with a smile. Dried flowers was in the bar of white soap. Lavender? The dog wagged its tail as she pat the creatures head and scratched the fur behind its ear. She knew not how else to thank it, and even though the dog appeared more than intellegent, it was still a dog, and she doubted it would understand her if she spoke. Then, it left the room to let her take her much needed bath in peace.

Soaking in the warm water, she noticed a small vanity beside her on a chair, along with a comb. Out of curiousity, she picked it up to look upon herself. She was taken aback with a gasp, hand held to her mouth in shock. She was almost unrecognisable. Dirt were caked on her face, and it was nearly impossible to tell the real color of her skin under all the grime.  
The same seemed to go for her hair...She didn't look forward to try and comb through it, a tangled mess with dried blood in it. She had taken several blows to her head in Goblin town and she knew there would be scabs as well. Her face were full of small scrapes, cuts and bruises. She would later discover, once the thick layer of dirt had been washed away, that they all were on their way to heal though, bruises shining yellow on lightly tanned skin.

Her face was not the only part that had been bruised. She noticed that she had a lot of bruising in the side of her chest as well, making it painful for her to take deeper breaths as the skin of the ribcage expanded with her lungs. But she didn't think anything was broken, thankfully. She had experience of cracked ribs from before, and that had been pure agony compared to this.

All in all, she knew how lucky she was... She knew what must have happened to the other prisoners... Knew that the goblins had worked them to death, before they would cut their bodies up, cook them and eat them...A shiver went through her at the thought. A frown was planted on her face, which soon grew into a morbid gurn. It was there, then, in the warm water that embraced her, that she had allowed herself to cry more than a few silent tears.

In fact, it wasn't long before she was shaking and tried to supress her cries by biting her hand. She was surprised by the sounds that escaped her throat, but she couldn't seem to be able to stop. She was out of breath, mouth hanging open in a silent scream as she rocked back and fourth...It hurt so much...She hadn't been crying this much since that fateful night He had come home drunk and she had made the mistake to talk back to him...

She was startled as there was a cautious knock on the door to the room. She choked on a sob and cleared her throat before croaking:  
"...Yes?"  
"You in the bath lass?" a voice said behind the door. She recognized that voice. It was the dwarf who was responsible for her rescue. The one with the chestnut colored hair, the long moustasche, the one with the hat and the kind face. He who had stopped for her.

"I am..." she said, a bit too quickly. Why was he disturbing her? Had he heard her crying? Had he only been playing nice so that he could catch her in a bath at his mercy?  
Thoughts flew through her head...Then she realised that she had no right to be so...Offputting. She should let them claim her in every way they wanted. Perhaps it would be what would be expected of her as...payment. To show her gratitude towards them. She had heard a lot about dwarwes, and not all the things she had heard was good things. They would lie for their own benefit, they had an unquenchable goldlust, and they raped women...

But to be fair - so did her own kin. Even amongst theirselves.

"Is everything all right in there?" he said quietly. "I thought I heard you crying..."

That was perfect. Now she was really in it. She had been crying and they all must have heard her. She shouldn't show herself this vulnerable. Never let anyone see her like that.

"I am fine..." she said, trying to steady her breathing as she spoke. "I just, needed a moment alone, that's all. But you may enter if you want."

There was silence for a split second before the door opened cautiously. She didn't dare to look his way, but when she finally did she just saw the back of him, his braids and his hat. He had been walking in backwards so that he wouldn't embarass her in her nakedness. He really didn't want her to get the wrong idea about his intentions. She softened a bit at that. She had expected him to come in to look at her, atleast, touch himself, or something...Despite her thoughts and distrustfulness to people in general, if she had to choose which one she would trust the most in the company, that dwarf would be the one. What was his name again...? Bofur? Bifur? Bombur?

"I am sorry to disturb you, lass." he said. "But I just wanted to check if you were all right and if you needed any help...With clothes - I mean, the company don't own any dresses, you see, so we had to see what we had in spare clothing."

She then noticed from behind that he held a bundle clutched to his chest. Watching him now, when they were alone, and from the little she had seen of him...She made the deduction that he was more shy than when he was amongst his kin.

"Oh." she said, trying to catch a glimpse of what he held. "That is very thoughtful of you. I am very grateful for that. Here I was, thinking I would have to walk around naked."

The dwarf chuckled at that. It had been her intention to lighten the mood.

"Aye." he said. "Even though I don't think the lads would mind."

She cleared her throat at his comment, blushing a little. She could tell he was a bit ashamed for what he had said. She imagined his cheeks tinted pink, and she smiled for a split second despite the situation and uncertainess of it all.

"Well, if that is all, lassie." the dwarf said hurriedly. "I will put the clothes here for you on the chair." he didn't dare to face her. She almost began to think of it as amusing. She decided to push it a little, but wouldn't have if it wouldn't have been necessary.

"Master dwarf..." she said as she saw him beginning to leave. He stopped, before speaking;

"Please, call me Bofur."

She was thankful at that, she hadn't want to get it wrong, since his name was very much alike at least two of the others.

"Master Bofur-" she said. "I would not ask this of you had it not been for the current situation. But, I seem to have trouble reaching my back, and I know it is in dire need of cleaning... And since there are no females aviable to assist me..."

He could see where she was going with this. He tensed a bit, flushed red. That was not a task he could do with his back turned to her. Nor with his eyes closed. She continued in a small voice:

"I am sorry if my request seems inappropriate. But you see, I think I might have sores on my back, and more the reason for cleaning myself properly."

I was true. She could feel how her skin was aching and itching. She had no idea what the goblins whips might have done to her, but she knew her back needed to be cleaned to start with. She trusted this dwarf more than any of the others. And to be fair, he, and the others, had already seen her naked. What would a few more glimpses of her bare, upper back be compared to that sight?

"I know you need to turn towards me to look, but I hope you can be honourable about this."

she hated herself for saying this to her rescuer. Perhaps it was an insult to say that to a dwarf? She hadn't met that many in her years, and even less gotten friendly or interacted with their race. She had no idea how to speak, or how to act, but went along until someone would be insulted and tell her so. She was sure that they would.

"Of course, lass." he said. She felt the honesty in his voice. A kindness that she almost began crying at. "Turn your back at me." he said softly.

He waited until he heard her shift in the bath, and turned a few seconds later to look up at her. The water went up to her mid back. She had her back towards him, and she had her arm around her upper body, glancing over her obviously stiff shoulder at him, through a curtain of wet hair...And that hair...Without dirt and blood, it was like the colour of light, cream colored pearls, silver, and mithril at the same time. A dwarvish lust for all beautiful and precious things reminded itself when he gazed upon that hair. The only thing that woke him from his thoughts were the way she began to shift uneasily under his gaze, as if the trust for him drained away in mere seconds and she were having second thoughts. She looked at him, with eyes of light blue topaz.

"Sorry lass." he said before hurriedly picking up the soap. "It is just...Your back. It looks really sore...Are you sure you want me to clean it? It needs cleaning, mind you, but I don't want to hurt you."

"Yes." she said before turning. "Yes, do it. But just be gentle..."

Bofur nodded and put the soap in water before putting it on her back. Flinching a bit at the sudded contact, he looked up at her. He hadn't hurt her. He could however, feel how tense she was...

He could see the thick layer of grime coming off her skin after being soaked a long time. Her back was covered in bruising and red streaks. She might live with these marks for the rest of her life.

"The goblins did this to you, lass?" he said before tracing one of the fresher ones with his index finger. Despite his soft touch, she flinched and hissed a bit.

"Yes-" she said breathlessly. "And fresh ones were added every day."

"What about this?" he asked before softly tracing another, much older mark on her back. It was a scar, and it was broader than those from the goblins whip. Bofur knew what they looked like - they all had them to some extent from their time in Goblin town after they all had been whipped in front of the goblin king, howling in pain after some time. This was different.

He felt bad for her when she tensed up and didn't answer. He damned himself and his curiousity.

"Yes-" she croaked, trying to keep her voice clean as she was now fully turned away from him. "Goblins as well."

She had taken too long time to answer, and despite not knowing this woman he could tell when someone was lying. He kept gently cleaning her back in silence, hurrying his actions as to not upset her more. He took care not to move below the water lever on her mid back. He didn't want her to think he was taking advantage of her trust and lack of barrier between himself and her skin.

There was a long pause before she spoke again:

"I never got to thank you properly..." she said, before trying to meet his eyes again over her shoulder.

"That's all you've ever done since we got here lass." he said with a low chuckle. "Saying thank you."

"I know..." she said. "But I meant you, personally...I...I...just wanted to thank you for...stopping for me...Back in Goblin town. You were the only one in your company who took notice of me when I was calling out."

Bofur kept on cleaning her back gently. He had received scolding looks from some of his kinsmen for having insisted they'd set her free from the goblins. He knew Thorin was displeased to have a stranger amongst them. More so because she was a human and a woman. Bofur knew they were probably discussing it amongst themselves out there now.

If the cleaning was to be done even more properly, she would need to change her bath water. It was brown opaque with dirt and grime at that point.

"Well..." he said, moving her hair to the side so that he could clean her shoulder and neck. "You looked like you needed help. Lucky for you old Bofur have sharp ears. Had it been Oin you called out for you would have been lost by now."

She giggled. She had noticed that one of the elder dwarves carried a trumpet with him.

"You have thanked me enough lass." Bofur said, almost having finished his task. "But since you already know my name, it wouldn't be more than fair if you told me yours."

She looked at him. It was true. She hadn't told any in the company her name yet, since there simply had been no time. And no one had asked her until now. She could not blame them for not doing so. They had plenty of other things to consider. Right after they had escaped goblin town a pack of warg riding orcs had attacked them...leaving their leader hurt. Had it not been for the halfling he would have been dead by now. In fact, she had thought of him as dead until he had been awoken by the wizard over at Carrock. They had been brought there by giant eagles. She had only watched them from afar, but she never thought she would see any up close, and much less ride on the creatures back...It was possible the events of the past days had all been a dream. Even so, she would never be surprised anymore in her life. Not after all that. Still, there had been no time for pleaseantries during those events.

"Of course." she said. "My name is Celyn."


	3. Milk and honey

"So what about the girl?" Balin had asked once there had been a pause after they had been discussing more serious and urgent matter. Their host had gone out for the night, and he had told them to not go outside until the break of day.  
"We don't even know her name, and still she has spent the last days amongst us."

"Well," Thorin said. "I thought we had more important things to attend to than getting aquainted with a peasant girl. Like escaping alive from the wargs and getting here alive."

"Still, we need to know what to do about her." Balin said.

"She is not my responsibility." Thorin growled and looked among the other dwarves. "As neither is she any of yours. Had I had the time to stop and argue in the mountains, we would never have brought her along."

"You let her know that." Fili said, who secretly thought his uncles hostility was uncalled for. "She has not yet been of trouble to any of us. She have kept quiet and to herself."

"Aye." Thorin said. "That is a part that worries me. How come we did not see any other of the goblins prisoners? What if she was placed there deliberately in our escape path in order to spy on us?"

"So what do you suggest we do about it?" Balin asked, stuffing his pipe.

"We will ask her of what she know of us." Thorin said. "We will ask her how come she ended up in Goblin town. If she's lying, I will know...We will make sure she is not a spy. Then, if she is not, we will ask of Beorn if she can stay here."

"You can't ask that of him!" Gandalf butted in. "You have already pressed his hospitality enough by coming here, by being dwarves, as he doesn't care for your kind. I told you he prefers the company of animals. You will not ask this of him."

"Neither can we bring her along." Thorin stated bluntly. "The path we're taking is hardly a place for a woman, and I will not be slowed down any further."

After Bofur had left her alone again, Celyn got out of the bath and began patting herself dry. Even if the state of the bathwater was that of marsh water, she had never felt so clean in her entire life. At least not physically. After having done the painstaking task of combing through her hair, she looked upon the pile of clothing that Bofur had left for her on the chair. It was not much, but it was better than having to walk around naked under a fur coat. She found that they had brought her two white shirts. She could only wear one of them, since the other were to tight around her arms and shoulders. It must have belonged to one of the smaller dwarves. The one that fit still were a bit short for her arms and so were the trousers she had been brought. They were snug on her hips, and she had to tie it in at the waist. She kept the broad leather belt in order to keep the trousers in place. She probably looked a mess, and not even a pretty one. And to make matters worse, she had no shoes on either. But no matter how bad she looked, it would be more representable then walking about in her birthday suit again.  
Her hair was slightly damp from the bath, but she braided her hair around her face so it would not bother her and get in the way. Her sores needed all the air they could get, though she had wanted for nothing more that to hide herself behind a curtain of hair.

She was embarrassed. She had known she had to face her rescuers properly in a somewhat safe environment sooner or later, unless they weren't all killed first, in which they had been close to do several times since they escaped from Goblin town. It had not only been the orcs and their wargs. Once they had been rescued it was the issue of mustering all her remaining strength to hold on to the eagles back. The wind had been so cold on her bare arms, and she had been chilled to the bone until she had waken up underneath that wool blanket. Then there had been the trouble with their skinchanging host... It had hardly come as a surprise that her body had shut down on her.

She took one last look at herself before taking a few deep breaths. Grasping the leather and fur coat tightly, wounding her fingers in the soft hairs, she went out to see the dwarves. She would be polite, she would not disturb them. They would do as they pleased with her. As long as she would be allowed to live. As long as she didn't have to go back, she would be fine. She had made it this far, and she knew she could go on, as far as it would take. Only death would keep her away.

The dwarves had been talking lowly amongst themselves. They drank their ale and smoked their pipes in a more civilized fashion than they had in a long time. They were quiet enough for some of them to catch the creak of the heavy oak door being opened and shut softly. They grew quiet as they heard soft footsteps and saw the woman in question appearing. She walked with a straight back, but expression on her face timid. Some of them would understand that she was nervous and afraid, but to others she hid her fears so well that they thought nothing of it.

"You feeling better, lassie?" It was Balin who spoke.

"Refreshed. Thank you."

"How about you have that food now?"

"If there are any left." Celyn answered quietly, regretting what she said in an instant. She didn't want them to think she deemed them as greedy. "I mean...If there's not too much trouble. Yes, thank you."

"Aye." Bofur said. "We had to tie down and gag old Bombur here in order to save the last remaining scraps for you." He playfully nudged the corpulent dwarf with orange hair and beard. Chuckles could be heard from the company, and Celyn smiled, not wanting to be left out. Bofur smiled at her a she caught him winking at her.

"I almost forgot." she said, looking down at her arms and the neatly folded coat. She went forward to the leader, who stood aganist a wall, dark and brooding. He had watched her every step since she entered the room, and to say that she felt a little uncomfortable under his intense gaze was a great understatement. She had to fight a lot within herself, mainly old habits, to be able to keep her eye contact with him. "Thank you, my lord, for letting me borrow this." she said as she humbly handed him his coat. "I would probably been frozen to death had it not been for it."

He took the coat with a nod of his head. She noted that he still had some bruising left on his face from the encounter with the orcs. His expression was unreadable, and Celyn tried to imagine him with a big smile on his face, much like the ones Bofur had given her, but could not. It was too much of a stretch.

"Of course." he said, his voice dark, slightly smoky and deep. "It would not have been decent to let you walk around like we found you."

"Why don't you come sit here, dear?" The voice originated from the wizard, who motioned for her to take a seat at the corner of the table, next to the golden haired, young dwarf who had assisted her with a drink of water earlier. She nodded a thanks and plopped herself down next to him, with some effort trying not to hiss as her lower body connected with the hard wood. Her inner walls were yet to be healed, and she was a bit worried about herself.  
It was tight and she brushed pass her neighbor several times. She muttered a sorry. On her other side was an older dwarf with black, unruly hair and beard, streaked with silver. She noticed that Bofur spent a lot of time with him. She had yet to hear him speak in the common tounge. Celyns eyes lingered on the dwarf in question. She had to muster all self control as to all but gasp at the state of his head. The remains of an axe was clearly embedded into his skull. She had heard tales of it, but had thought of them as nothing more - people or animals who had gotten things put in their head and lived. She had also heard that you shouldn't take the object out, or you would risk taking the creatures life along with it. But he seemed...fine? She quickly looked away as the dwarfs gaze turned from the table to look up at her. She did not want to be rude by getting caught staring and quickly turned away.

A plate of bread, clotted cream and honey had been put in front of her. Along with a large wooden mug of milk. She didn't mind the lack of meat. A dry crust of bread would still have been a feast to her.

"Dig in." the young dwarf beside her said whilst nudging her plate closer to her.

"Thank you." she said, thinking she would never hear that, and began to eat. Most of the dwarves had already finished their meal, so she was slightly awkwardly left to eat on her own, mustering all self controll as to not wolf down her meal all at once. She could not remember the last time she had had a proper, filling meal. And she knew she had lost some weight in the past few weeks. She had noticed it when she had looked in the vanity. Her cheeks were more hollow now, whereas they had been soft and full before. In fact, she had always thought of herself as being on the more voluptious, plumper side.

"So," Thorin said from behind her, at his place next to the wall. "this is the first time we have had time for proper introductions in the past few days. So you might as well tell us your name."

His voice was, like him, hard to read. But there was one thing Celyn could not hear a trace of in that tone; niceness. Still, she wanted to be as polite as possible, even though she thought Bofur might have told his kin her name already.

"Forgive my rudeness, my lord." she said and wiped her hands off eachother from breadcrumbs, reluctantly pausing her intake of much needed nourishment. "My name is Celyn, and I believe I owe all of you my life."

"Bofur and Dwalin are the ones you really should thank." Thorin said. "We were, to put it mildly surprised to find any prisoners alive. How did you end up in Goblin town?"

"I was captured." she said. Obviously. "I was on my way over the mountains, but it was dark and I was ambushed. The goblins were out hunting when they came across me."

"Were there others with you?" he asked. It was obviously him who asked all the questions, and the others listened. She did not even know all of their names yet.

She thought about lying for a second. She knew how foolish anyone in their right mind would have thought she had been. But still she decided to tell the thruth. For now.

"No." she said. "I was travelling on my own."

"And what kind of woman decides to travel over the mountains all by herself?" Thorin asked. He decided to leave out _foolish_ woman.

 _"Try a woman without a choice."_ Celyn thought.

"I guess I thought that it was safer for me to go by myself." she explained. "I thought a larger company would produce more sounds and thereby be much easier to discover. I can hold my tongue when I wish, and walk quietly."

"But not quietly enough for goblins." Thorin said, raising one of his thick eyebrows. It was true. She had known that there had been a great risk for her to go, especially over the mountains, but anything was better than _staying._ It was no matter - she could have died there or in Goblin town. It hadn't seem to matter back then.

"No. Though I am glad and feel blessed that you came along." she said. "Death had been inevitable for me otherwise."

"That is true." he said. "Where were you travelling from, if I may ask?"

"Just outside of Bree." she said in a small voice.

"And where were you heading before the goblins captured you?"

"You will think I am a fool..." she said.

"Fool or not." he said. "I am only trying to know the truth."

"Of course-" she said and took a deep breath. She had heard about dwarves. They were suspiscious by nature. "I was actually trying to get back home. To Laketown."

The dwarves eyes widened. It had indeed been a fools journey. Bree was only a few days journey from the Shire, so she had almost gone as long as Bilbo had. Except she probably had not endured the much needed rest they had gotten in Rivendell.

"Laketown, eh?" Thorin said. "And just how were you planning on crossing the mountains unseen and alive? Get through the wilderness, or Mirkwood, for that matter?" He was walking around the table slowly, so that he could lay his eyes upon her from a different angle.

"If I am to be completely honest with all of you, I did not plan that much in detail..." She was looking at her fingers, crosses in front of her on the table, with no small amount of shame. "I had a map and a compass, but it was stolen along with my clothes and other possesions."

She looked down at herself and the borrowed dwarven clothes. Her old clothes had not been spectacular of particularly beautiful. They had been worn out and mended too many times. But they had fit her and kept her warm enough.

"I was going to take on every obstacle as I went." she tried this in order to explain herself.

"Do you not have duties back in Bree?" Thorin said, seemingly provoced of this girls foolishness and that she was amongst them. That she were going in the same direction as them and probably had heard the old tales did not help in the slightest. She might be a little slow, but she would make the connection as she gathered more information about them.  
"You are obviously old enough to be married, to bear and raise children. Do you not have a family to tend to instead of just running off into the wilderness?"

She was offended. Celyn had at this point decided one thing: she did not like this dwarf. It was not only his questions, which she really didn't have the energy to deal with. It was also his way of judging her.

"What little family I had back there is long gone, master dwarf." she said, fighting over her emotions and meeting the dark dwarfs gaze, not even blinking. "My kin and my old life is back in Laketown. I am simply trying to reclaim what is mine. Besides, I have duties other than family life to tend to if I so wish, even if that seems to be a concept hard to grasp. Just because I can raise a family doesn't mean I want to."

His eyes flared, and he kept having his eyes locked on hers before turning away. The company watched the exchange between the two of them, sensing that the air were getting denser.

"And when was it you were ambushed by the goblins and captured, lass?" It was Balin, the elder dwarf, who spoke.

"Forgive me, my lord." she said, before looking at her hands again. "But to be honest, I cannot recall when it was. It must have been more than a week, but less than two. Who can say when you have no sun to guide you? No exchange from nightfall to dawn, but only neverending darkness?"

Mutters of agreement were heard around the table.

"I did not get to sleep that much either. They would not allow it... But no matter how long it was - no time spent in that place can be short enough..." she said, remebering it all. She did not know what the dwarves had been through, but she doubted they all had to have to endure the things she had.

"But how come all of you escaped?" she dared to ask. "I hardly think fifteen is enough, no matter how great warriors you may be, to the vast number of goblins."

"Aye," Bofur said. "Sometimes it is handy to have a wizard in your company. You saw us when we escaped."

"Yes." she said, remebering the stress on Bofurs face as he had seen her, taken notice of her. How he hardly had to debate with himself before saving her. "It did not take long for me to come to the conclusion that you were not in leash with the goblins."

"Did you think we might have been?" Thorin said. He did not sound angry. His tone was more...challenging.

"I did not mean anything by it." she said, hating his scrutinizing look. "But I have heard things about it...I..."

Sensing her insecurity, Fili, who sat next to her, picked it up for her:

"There are...a few dishonest dwarves that are in leash with the goblins and orcs. It is true. Desperate, dishonest dwarves who are outcasts amongst their own kin. Dúrin curse their beards."

"Since you saved me and your visit amongst the goblins obviously did not end well, I presume you are not one of them?" she said, hint of a smile to her lips as she looked at the young, golden haired dwarf next to her. There were kindness in his face as well - the curiousity of youth shone in his sky blue eyes.

He chuckled and took a sip of his enormous drink.

"No, I can assure you, we are not."

"What about yourself, miss Celyn?" Thorin said. "Your accomodation were not exactly the finest, but you were the only prisoner we ever saw during our time there. How so?"

"I...I don't know." she said. She had dreaded a question like that. It was one of the things she had wanted to forget. The screams of the other few. The ones who had not been so lucky. Two men and a woman. She had not had the chance to speak to any of them, but only saw them from afar. They had probably been running away from something in their lives, much like her. Or they had been chased away or cast aside by society. She had known about that too. No matter their sins, they did not deserve to end up in that gruesome place and end their days in that manner. Neither did she.

"There were others. A few. I...I can not speak of it now..."

With that, she wanted to mark the questioning of her as over and done with for now, as she again lifted the sweet milk to her lips, trying to wash down the lump that had formed in her throat. She had to muster strength to not let the tears that burned in her eyes be shed.  
Celyn could feel sympathetic looks being thrown at her, and she just wanted to move on and not talk about it. Not until the day she gave up her breath. Not to anyone...Or maybe she did want to talk - but not in a room full of strangers to start with.  
The dwarf was not happy with being talked back to. She could see it in his eyes, but she was too tired to care about it. She had not asked him personally to save her. She was grateful - but his relutance did not make it easy for her.

Silence had fallen over the table, and she wanted so to snap out of the mood she had fallen into. She was thankful when Bofur spoke:

"Well lass-" he said, removing his long pipe from the corner of his mouth. "You already know me as Bofur, and perhaps you would like to know the rest of our names as well?"

"If it is not too much trouble." she said, getting smitten with Bofurs smile and gentle way towards her. "I think it would be easier to adress you if I knew your names."

"You know Dwalin." he said as he motioned to his side. It was the bald dwarf who had released her by taking down the door of her cell. He stood up and gave her a small bow.

"At your service." he murmured.

The young, dark haired dwarf next to Dwalin continued as he stood.

"I'm Kili. At you service."

"And I'm Fili. At your service." the dwarf next to her said as he motioned towards Kili. "Kili and I are brothers."

Celyn was not surprised. She had seldomnly seen the two of them apart for the past few days. They did look alike, somehow, despite their different hair colours. They seemed to be sharing that unspoken bond that some brothers just seemed to have.

The next dwarf did not present himself, as he seemed unable to do so in the common tongue. Bofur presented him as Bifur. Then they continued until they had gone around the table. There were many of the names which sounded the same to Celyn. Perharps she would not get it right the first times or so. The hobbit, Bilbo Baggins, would be easy though since he was the only halfling in the company. (Celyn, who was no strangers to halflings, since she was from Bree, could not help but think he was a long way from home.) Just as the wizard, Gandalf, was the only of his kind. They seemed nice enough. She had still not heard the name of their leader, who had retreated back to his wall again and lit his pipe.

"And let me introduce the leader of our company." Gandalf said, as if sensing the dwarfs reluctance. "This, Celyn, is Thorin Oakenshield."  
Thorin shifted aganist the wall and simply nodded at her. He was not pleased with the exchange earlier, and thought he would have gotten more answers from the woman. He did not want to press the matter in front of the others too much.

"Nice to meet all of you." she said once they all had been introduced. The atmospere in the room were easier now after introductions and most of the dwarves were eating or drinking something again. She looked around the room. While not all eyes were on her she could tell that there were looks raging from annoyance to sympathy and friendliness. Most of the looks were simply...Intrigued, curious. She caught a glimpse of one of them staring at her, his eyes lingering without any shame on her. Did he look at her with lust - despite her battered appearance? She thought she knew him as Nori, and she did not appreachiate his looks towards her or cared for them. It made her shift into her seat.  
She also noted that looks were drawn to her hair. She knew she had been blessed with a light, bright and unusual hair colour. She did not know it, but like Bofur, it reminded the dwarves of their lost treasure, of míthril, gold, white gems and pearls. It was not a common colour amongst men, and even less so amongst dwarves. In fact - Fili was the only one in the company with golden hair, much darker a shade than Celyns silvery tones.

Celyn had finished her meal, mostly listening into the dwarves conversations. They were worried whether Beorns house really was a safe refuge. They would not stay for long, and Celyn couldn't help but wondering where they were heading. Most talk had been about avoiding orcs, and she had not had the strenght to listen to that talk. She had been like a sheep in a herd. When the rest of the herd had moved, she had blindly followed without question. Luckily, despite feeling far from comfortable, she did not feel like a sheep amongst wolves. Not yet.


	4. Nightly conversations

She must have been sitting in front of the hearth for a good half hour when she heard rustling of hay, clothes and blankets. Celyn looked around her, but could not see anyone, the light blinding her, making it impossible to see outside the circle of light. It wasn't until she felt a hand on her shoulder that she let out a strangled, startled gasp. Force of habit.  
She relaxed a bit when she looked into a pair of brown, kind eyes.

"Oy, easy there lass. It's only me." It was Bofur. Of course it was Bofur, now holding his hands up in front of him, in surrender, as he saw her bewildered expression. "Didn't mean to startle you."

"No, forgive me..." she said. "I did not think that was your intention. I was miles away... I have trouble sleeping, you see..."

"Aye, I'm used to it by now." he said. "When you have a brother like Bombur, you can sleep through anything."

She knew that Bofur referred to the fat dwarf with the ginger hair and beard. Yes, indeed, he was a great snorer, to put it mildly.

"I did not know you were brothers." Celyn said. "Forgive me, but you don't look very much alike."

Bofur smiled.  
"It's the hair. Anyway, someone's gotta be here to make sure he doesn't eat everything that comes his way. If you're not careful, he might eat you, if he's hungry enough."

"Would have been helpful in Goblin town." she said, grinning.

"Aye, but have you tasted goblin meat lately?" Bofur said, twinkle in his eyes. "That is horrible stuff that!"

Celyn smiled and giggled. She could tell there was a lot of love between the two brothers, even if Bofur was the more talkative sort, and Bombur mostly had his mouth too occupied by food to speak at all. To be honest, that kind of bond sometimes made her jealous...It made her think of what she had lost in the past, along with her mother. She missed him...They had been arguing and fighting a lot, as siblings sometimes do. But when push came to shove he would always look out for her. Celyn often regretted having lied to him... _Celéon.._.

_"If you love me, sister, you needn't lie to me...Just tell me the truth!"_

"Do you mind if I join you then?" Bofur then asked, snapping her back to reality again, still standing above her. "But if you'd rather prefer your own company, I'd understand..."

"No, I would apprechiate some company." Celyn said and gave him a small smile. It must have come out as more of a quick tug at the corner of her lips. "I'd much prefer yours."

Happy to hear that, Bofur took a seat beside her. Close enough so that they could hear each other without trouble and still talk quietly, not risking to wake the others, but not too close for her to feel uncomfortable. It didn't matter anyways. He had already touched her. Even if it was not in a way a lover would. Being touched by a man, her own kin or others, was not a big thing for her. Not anymore. It had been her first time, being touched by a dwarf, in any way. He had washed her back earlier that day - and after the dinner, Oin had insisted he'd take a look at her injuries. She did not enjoy the elder dwarfs touch of course, but he was a healer and had not done anything except for his duties. He had also been a true gentleman and turned away as she stripped. She knew it had been necessary as he had looked at her back, her face and her feet.  
Her womanhood was still a very sore place on her body as it was, but she wanted to keep _that_ to herself. Surely that would not be his area of expertise anyways. She had not mentioned any specifics when it came to the goblins games of torture and humiliation, and she was thankful they had not yet asked.

"I love my brother though..." Bofur said as he, to Celyns vague surprise, took out his tobacco pouch and pipe. "Even though he can be a right pain in the arse sometimes."

"I see..." she said, not really sure what to say to this kind dwarf. She was fascinated with his beard and the way it looked so straight and silky compared to some of the other dwarves. "Aren't we all sometimes, though? Each in their own ways?"

"You haven't been so far." Bofur said with a toothy smile.

"Thorin could have fooled me..."she said, ignoring the kind comment. "It seems I am a nuisance just by my mere exsistance and breathing..." Celyn regretted the words as they came out. Curse her honesty. Would Bofur tell on her and make Thorin even more angry with her? After all, Celyn couldn't really blame the leader for the way he behaved towards her...

Instead, Bofur gave her a look of sympathy.

"He can be a bit of a grump, I'll grant you that any day." he said, nodding. "But he's been under a lot of strain of late. He's quite troubled actually. But he's a good leader and warrior. Don't worry about it lass. He'll come around. Besides - even he can't be immune to your charms."

He said the last thing with a soft nudge to her side, followed by a hearty chuckle.

"I am not sure of which 'charms' you speak of exactly..." Celyn said, now looking down, her cheeks getting rosy. "He merely thinks of me as a foolish girl. I am sure I would have made a lasting impression by now, but for all the wrong reasons, I'm afraid."

"You needn't be that embarrassed lass." Bofur said, his voice laced with sympathy. "I understand that you went out in the wilderness. Anyone could do that. What I can't get my head around, is _why_ you chose to, or _why_ you felt you had to. And all by yourself at that."

This was getting too personal for her taste. She felt like she was being ripped open. Stil, she wanted nothing more than to open up to him, or someone, but how much could she tell him? If she looked into his eyes now, those golden brown eyes with colour of dark green moss, undoubtedly laced with sympathy and compassion, she would break it all to him... So she kept looking down, into the orange and red embers, her face getting too hot too quickly.

_Conceal it. Do not let it show...Steady breaths..._

"You told us you have a family back in Laketown..." he said. "Do you have a husband waiting for you back there?"

Celyn was taken aback at the question.

"No...Not that I can recall." she said with a smile tinting her lips. "Not in Laketown, at least. I'm trying to get back to my father. I know he's not well, and I...I need to help him while there is still time."

"I'm sorry to hear that lass." Bofur said as he began stuffing his pipe with thick fingers. "Is he ill?"

The hands of dwarves. They were not slender or thin, but looked strong much like the dwarves themselves. Strong and sturdy. Celyn knew that their people were good with their hands. No one in Middle Earth could disregard the unequaled skills of the dwarvish people. She wondered if Bofur had a craft he favored.

"Yes." she said. "It all began during the coldest winter we had in years. You see, my father is...he used to be a fisherman."

Bofur listened to her intently, urging for he to go on in her own time.

"He was out in the middle of the lake when he fell over, into the water." Celyn only glanced up a few times, to meet those kind eyes. "There was ice on the lake. Only a thin layer, mind you. But he fell through it and stayed under for a few minutes. My father was strong back then, so he managed to pull himself up. But at the time he came home to me...He was more dead than alive."

"But I take it he survived then?" Bofur asked quietly.

"He did." she said. "Although the cold had claimed three of the fingers in his right hand, and his left foot. We were never rich enough to afford great boots, so it might have happened anyway, despite the accident. It wasn't until quite long afterwards that the healer had to cut the fingers and the foot off. They had begun to smell..."

Celyn unconsciously wrinkled her nose as she thought about that rotten, somewhat sweet, overwhelming stench...The smell of her fathers flesh decaying, rotting and liquifying before her eyes.

"I am so sorry." Bofur said, now having paused with trying to light his pipe alltogether. "I really am. How did you get by after that?"

"I had to help him out there, on that lake." she said. It was the truth. They still had to eat. "And I had to take the fish to market, to try and sell it for a lot less than it was worth."  
It was also the truth. And it had worked, for a while, until she had realised they did not make ends meet with their fishing, given how little they pulled in... She did hope Bofur did not calculate it within his head...

"Your father must be struggling..." Bofur said. "I am sorry."

"Thank you..." she said. "I do hope he is all right, given he is alive at all... I have not spoken to him in a while..."

"Oh?" he said, pipe between his lips now, striking a match to light it. The flame was reflected in his eyes, making them glow like onyx. He had so many lines at the corner of those eyes. Lines of happiness. Lines that told tales of all his smiling. Celyn sometimes thought that he was there simply to spread his joy. The company would probably be a lot duller if he had not been there to entertain them with tales, songs...

"It has been four years..." she said, voice barely above a whisper. This made Bofur choke and cough, a rare thing for him, even when smoking.

"Four years?" he said, dumbfoundedly, taking his pipe out of his mouth to stare at her.

"It is a long way between Bree and Laketown..." she said. "He could never had made the trip and lived...It is complicated... We...Have not been that close of late...Forgive me if I am being vague..."

"It's all right if you don't feel like talking about it right now..." he said lowly, sensing her uneasiness rolling off her. "But know this, lass...; if you ever want to talk to me some more, about...anything really, you know where to find me."

Before she had known it, one of his hands had found the top of hers and given it a firm, reassuring squeeze. It only lasted for a few seconds, giving her no time to freeze or flinch. He had removed his knitted gloves, so she could feel his entire hand, and just how warm it was to touch, and calloused undoubtedly from working with them. She felt something stirr inside of her. Something she had forgotten what it felt like.

"Thank you." she said, clearing her throat as the physical contact was withdrawn. "Maybe I will...You are a kind man, Bofur. I apprechiate everything you have done for me already."

"Always at your service, lass." he said and let out a lazy string of smoke through puckered lips. He reached out then, offering the pipe to her. "Would you like to try some? It is really good."

"Oh, I don't know..." she said, a bit tempted by the sweet, smoky smell that most of the dwarves seemed to have adopted by now. "I have never really tried it before."

"Oh, so first time for everything. Go on then. It might help you to sleep. It always helps when I have trouble settling down."

She could not believe that. He seemed so...carefree.

Celyn took the pipe from his hand with a cautious smile and a small nod. She had never been offered a smoke before in her life. Her father would never have let her. It would have been too unladylike. Women were not supposed to smoke. Or drink. Voice their concerns. Or show any kind of lustful behaviour.

"Not too much at once." Bofur said before she put the pipe to her lips. "Just, fill your mouth with smoke, don't breathe in at once. Taste it."

She nodded and did as he said. A smoky, tarlike aroma, along with flowery notes and grass filled her mouth. She blew it out through her nose.

"It is good." she said. "I have always enjoyed the smell of tobacco."

"I find it relaxing to smoke." he said. "You might wanna try to inhale a bit deeper now."

As soon as the strong smoke hit her windpipe, Celyn broke into a violent cough. She handed the pipe back to its owner as she used both of her hands to try and surpress her coughings, as to not wake everybody within hearing distance. Her face contorted as she felt how much the coughs made her bruised flesh hurt with each violent expansion. Bofur looked at her worriedly as he put a hand on her back and patted gently.

"Oh lass, I'm sorry-" he said. "It was foolish of me to think you were in any state to smoke. I'm sorry."

"It is all right..." she said, still slightly wheezing. "Just as much my fault as yours...It's just...It hurts to cough."

Bofur noticed that her eyes were red and teary. If it was from the coughing itself or the pain from it he did not know.

"Aye...I noticed when I...washed your back earlier." he said. "What did Oin have to say about it?"

Celyn clutched the side of her chest a bit. It was so sore.

"He said I have a lot of bruising. Obviously. I might have a cracked rib or two as well. But I should be fine. He gave me an ointment for my bruising, but what I really need is rest."

This made them both think of the unevitable, though they did not speak of the matter at hand. The company would not stay at Beorns house for long, and she was not welcome to join then, whatever direction they were heading. Celyn did not know this, but Bofur knew that Thorin would not be easily convinced. And Gandalf had been right; they could not ask of Beorn to take her in. So Celyn was either somebodys responsibility, or her own... No matter what, she was a burden to someone. No matter how quietly she would walk and speak.

Bofur looked at the girl. How old was she? In the years of a dwarf, she would be a mere child. But as a human female, she was undoubtedly of age, at least. That might even have been a few years ago. Her light skin was still unwrinkled and quite smooth, except for the bruisings and sores that would heal. Still, she looked tired, and old, somehow... Not old, her face did not tell that story, but her eyes did. As if they had seen more and endured more than anyone her age should have. She did not have the carefree way most younger people had.

Still, even though he felt responsible for this woman, he did not want to pry or push her too hard. He had let Celyn know he was there, should she ever want to talk. If she did, he would not judge. He would at least try his best.

Bofur chuckled to himself. He had always been teased for being to soft. To trusting. And dwarves are suspicious by nature, so that said something.

"So...Why don't you tell me about you?" Celyn said, looking genuinely interested. "I mean about you, personally." She did not want to ask him of what they were doing in these parts of the world or where they were heading. She was less than stupid, and she had seen the dwarves lowering their voices as they had spoken about it. They probably avoided mentioning it alltogether when she was around.

 _Men love to talk about themselves, Celyn._ It was her mothers voice, a warm memory. But did this humble dwarf do, too?

"Well..." Bofur said, chewing slightly on his pipe. "There isn't that much to tell really. I come from the Blue Mountains, where I used to be a miner."

Celyn nodded. She had noticed that Bofur carried a mattock. That he did not seem to be armed with any real, forged weapons. She urged for him to continue.

"But after a big cave in my cousin Bifur, my brother and I decided to open up a toy shop instead. We figured you wouldn't risk your life everyday carving wood and selling toys. Bifur was always the best of us at that. The lad has a great attention to detail, you know?" Bofur relaxed his face, so to the point that Celyn read it as a saddened expression. "Poor old Bifur. There was a time when he was more like himself. Now he won't be, ever again."

"Do you mind if I ask you what happened to him?"

"No, not at all..." Bofur said. "I wasn't with him when it happened. But I was told that he went along with a company of merchants that were transporting goods to the Blue Mountains and that they were ambushed by orcs. Well, and that's the remains of an orc axe, by the way."

"I noticed." she said. "Though I did not see until I sat right next to him at dinner. I am sorry what happened to your cousin. It seems you know how it is to have someone in your family marked for life."

She felt sympathy for this dwarf. Like herself with her father, Bofur took care of his cousin and felt responsible for him. She had taken care of her father as well, in her own way. Mind you, it had not been in the way any father would wish for his daughter.

 _"Celyn, you have put shame over this family. I am sending you away..._ "

Bofur nodded.

"I do." he said. "Thank you, lass."

There was once again silence over them, but not an uncomfortable one. Celyn quite enjoyed the smell of tobacco, (more so than smoking it) and stared into the fire, feeling its heat enveloping her. She surpressed a yawn. It did not go unnoticed to Bofur.

"You should go and rest then." Bofur said and looked at her, glowing hair spilling over her cheeks. "Go on, healers orders."

"I probably should." Celyn said, feeling a bit saddened that he seemed to want to get rid of her. Perhaps the area surrounding the hearth just wasn't big enough for the both of them. It was a shame, really. She had enjoyed talking to the kind mannered dwarf.

"Good night, master Bofur."

"None of that master-nonsense anymore, all right?" he said, shaking his head with a smile. "It's just Bofur."

"Very well." she said as she rised from her seat with some difficulty. "Good night then. Bofur."

"'Night, lass." he said before giving her one last smile. Celyn took that as a que to finally return to her bedroll again.

"Sweet dreams." she heard him say, almost in too low of a voice for her to catch it.

Had he only known. If only she had told him. Celyn wished for no more than sweet dreams as she laid down underneath the wool blanket. Had he only known, it would have been easier.

Celyn often awoke from bad dreams, though it was more usual for her to do it closer to the morning. But since she had been sleeping that afternoon she had been restless, though still tired. She was still sore in her body. Would it ever feel the same again?

_"No! The baby!"_

She closed her eyes as the phrase echoed in her head. Oh, how she just wanted to forget those words. Forget that they were ever spoken and the reasons why.

Bofur had chased away the voices from the past. All the dwarves had unintentionally. As she was trying her best to fit in and not get in the way, she somehow managed to push her dark troubles aside.

Celyn smiled briefly to herself as she put her head down, with her head turned towards the hearth, watching the unmistaken silhouette of Bofur. His hat was not on, but his hair was still in braids. She smiled because of the somehow sad fact that the conversation she had just had with the dwarf had been the longest one she had had with anyone, for as long as she could remember. She had been lonely...So lonely...And soon she would be again. She pushed that thought away and noticed after a while that the silhouette of Bofur became darker and blurrier, her thoughts more at ease.  
She finally let sleep claim her. Not the best she had, but the best in a while. A deep sleep that she needed so much.

Bofur sat next to the hearth and turned around. He hoped that the girl was sleeping now as he went to his own bedroll, not too far away from her. As he passed her with soft footsteps, he saw her sleeping in the dim light. She looked beautiful, as if carved from marble, lashes long and fluttering. He could not help but to smile softly to himself.

What neither Bofur or Celyn knew, was that there was another one in the company who was still awake. Someone who had drifted in and out of sleep. In and out of golden dreams. Gem studded dreams. He could move quickly and quietly in the shadows if he wished, but he had placed his bedroll strategically from Celyn, so he could gaze upon her hair. _That_ hair that reminded him of his dreams, which looked so soft to the touch. That hair that looked like wavy, spun mithril, pearls, white gems - the ones he lusted for so. If he lusted for something greatly enough, he would not hesitate to take it. By force if nescessary. He was a thief. He had always been.

If only he could touch it, smell it...Maybe even touch her...

He had enjoyed to watch her during dinner. He had had a perfect view from the other end of the table. Her face, which was now clean after a bath, was still a bit bruised, but he could see that she sure was a pretty thing despite that, so who cared? Pretty enough for a human, anyways. He wasn't picky though, didn't care that she was taller than him, had too little facial hair and whatnot. He had liked the way she had noticed him staring, turning away her own, blue gaze in shyness, maybe even discomfort. Oh, how he loved the shyness of women! How they blushed as he would strip them down with his eyes, how they would squirm underneath his gaze. The fights that their husbands or fathers would pick with him for staring.

She was not married though as he knew, and neither could he see any fathers around to protect her. She had been grateful enough, maybe he could even ask for her to show it towards him...In some way. Maybe she had even serviced Bofur...But even he doubted that. He was with her for a long time, when all he really would do was to drop off clothes.

He shuddered underneath his blanket as he thought about her thighs, teasing him as Thorins fur coat had slid away from her, the way her beautifully shaped lips had closed around the bread, the cream on her chin which she had wiped away with a beautiful, pale hand. He did not care for all her cuts, bruises and scrapes. They would heal up, and he wanted to be around to see her once healed. It would be better than the full look he had gotten down in Goblin town. That had not been pretty. He didn't care for that amount of dirt on any woman.

Keeping his eyes locked on the sleeping human, he decided to ignore the will of his flesh for now, which had been made so clear by the way his breeches seemes so tight and uncomfortable. If he was going to enjoy her sometime, he would do it fully. He was not patient, but he could wait to go on until he had his much needed sleep. He would return to dream of gold and mithril until he could look upon her again. And her hair...


	5. Handling a weapon

Celyn woke up the next morning, by sounds of talking and laughter from a distance. The sun shining in her eyes. The whole room was bathing in a warm, welcoming light, a bit of twinkling dust swirling around in its rays. Oh, how she had missed the sun! It was funny how much she had been taking it for granted. She stretched her body and yawned, feeling a bit less stiff than she had when she had gotten to sleep. Despite not having the most comfortable bed, it had done wonders for her. She lay there, enjoying the feeling of a new, sunny day, in a somewhat safe environment. She listened to the dwarves, having their breakfast outside on a porch. They seemed to be in a quite good spirit. Did she wish to ruin it with her presence?  
Of course she didn't, but she could feel how hungry she was. She had her doubts wheter she would be able ably to fight that.

She didn't have to worry about it as she could hear a knock on dense wood, making her jump in the otherwise quiet calm of the large hall.

"Mornin' sleepyhead!" came a cheerful voice. She could not help but to smile to herself as she heard him.

"Good morning, Bofur." she said and sat up on her bed, turning her head to see him. She sat up quickly, feigning strenght and energy. She did not want to be viewed as too lazy.

"Thought we had lost you there to dreamland for a second." he said, his eyes lingering on her as he spoke. "I brought you something to eat."

Celyn saw that he was carrying a plate as well as a large mug, ridiculously large in his hand, actually. It had been made clear that it was really wasn't in the right proportions for a dwarf.

"Thank you so much." she said, stomach as grateful as she was as she laid eyes on the bread, butter, berries, honey and milk. "I bet you had to fight in order to keep it for me."

"Anything I can do to help." Bofur said and winked. "But you might have to tend to my battle wounds later on."

Celyn gave a small laugh. She did not know at this point - but was Bofur flirting with her? No, he couldn't be - he was like that towards everyone. He laughed with everyone, took care of the ones that needed any kind of caring for. He was kind natured, thoughtful. That was just his nature. He was being flirty with everyone. She had seen him winking at members of the company as well, and thought none of it.  
Well, out of fifteen companions in total, it was a small comfort that someone took the time to be kind towards her. It might as well be the dwarf responsible for her resque. She felt a lot more comfortable after their talk last night, though she was a bit anxious she might have revealed too much about herself.

"It looks good." she said. "Will you guard it for me for a little moment longer though? I would like to take my breakfast outside somewhere, if that is all right...I've missed the sun."

"Of course, lass." Bofur said with a knowing tone. "I'll be outside. You just follow the racket and you'll find us."

"Thank you." she said. "I'll be out in a bit."

Celyn was left alone again, noticing the dwarfs broad shoulders as he walked away... She combed through her hair with her fingers and rebraided it. She made sure her clothes was in their right place. She had been sleeping in them, yes. But enjoying a set of fresh clothes after being without for so long, that was not something one could put a price on.

Out in the open, the dwarves were enjoying their rest on the porch, in the sun, or in the shade of the trees in Beorns orchard. Bees, almost the size of sparrows, buzzed from flower to flower in the garden and meadows around the house. The only ones that seemed to partake in any direct physical activities was Fili and Kili who practiced with their swords, sparring with each other.

"So -" Kili said inbetween breaths. "What do you reckon about the lass?"

"What about her?" Fili said as he was blocking his brother with ease. Kili was fast and strong. But Fili was a better swordsman. It was his specialty. They both were aware of that.

"I saw the way you sucked up to her last night, brother." Kili said as a matter of fact. "Offering her a drink, food and whatnot. The way you talked to her, despite what uncle said..."

"Well excuse me for just trying to be friendly. We don't know anything about her yet." Fili was getting distracted by his brothers annoying accusations. "She looks like she has been through a whole lot of trouble, and I don't think uncle's methods are right to find out the thruth."

"I think she's rather pretty." Kili said, happily changing the subject with a grin, his tone teasing. "For a human."

"You think every girl is pretty." Fili moaned. "Even the elf maids."

Celyn had eaten her breakfast beside Bilbo and Bofur, who had played a soft tune on his flute. She didn't feel as though she interupted or were in the way at that point. She was mostly ignored by the company, except for the dwarf who came to join her, Bilbo and Bofur while she ate. It was the dwarf who had been staring at her last night. Even though he did seem a lot nicer now. He didn't say much, he just gave Celyn a short smile and a nod as he sat down next to Bofur and listened to him playing. Celyn focused on her food and getting it down. She noticed that Nori, which she now remembered was the other dwarfs name, seemed to be enjoying Bofurs playing as much as she did. Or that was what she thought it was - in reality, Nori only used Bofur as a cover up to be able to look at her while she ate, inconspicuously. She had a healthy appetite. He loved a woman with a bit of meat on her bones, and he would love to see those cheeks a whole lot fuller. He already had noticed the outlining of a full bust underneath the tunic she had borrowed, thankful over how much it really revealed of her curves.

He had not had a woman in a long time, and he had almost forgot what it was like to be pressed up aganist someone else, the warmth of a womans flesh and her scent as she writhed underneath him in pleasure...

The tune ended too soon for Noris taste.

Celyn clapped her hands and smiled at the toymaker, her cheeks still full of food.

"Wonderful!" she chimed as loud as she dared to without disturbing the peace.

"Thank you lass." Bofur said. Nori scoffed as he saw how the toymaker enjoyed the attention the woman was giving him. He was such a softie.

"Those dwarves?" Celyn asked and pointed to the young brothers who were engaged in a sparring match. "Fili and Kili, is it? They are quite skilled with the blades...Are they not?"

"Aye," Bofur said. "You should see Kili with the bow..."

Then, Bofur told Celyn the tale of the many times he had been more than useful with his bow and actually indirectly saved the entire company. This seemed to make her rather impressed.

Not only did she want to find something to talk about, but Celyn also found weapons rather interesting. When she had left Bree she had brought along a dagger, but that had been all she had been able to get her hands on. Unfortunately. It had not come in very handy as she had found herself a capture of the goblins anyway. So much for a woman fending for herself...

"I would like to learn..." as the words left her mouth, she couldn't believe that she had spoken them out loud. Her big, big mouth... Bofur did not miss it, though she had spoken quietly.

He looked puzzled, but then his face broke into a smile.

"I'm sure you could convince them to let you try it." he said. Before Celyn could protest and say that she indeed had been joking or offering some other excuse, Bofur had called out for the young brothers and asked for them to come over. Celyn felt herself blush. She would most certainly make a fool out of herself... She wanted to punch Bofur as the brothers stopped in their actions and went in their direction, even though she knew he meant well.

"Good morning, my lady." Fili said and gave her a small nod along with a smile, as his brother did. "How may we entertain you?"

Celyn could not help but blush in ebarrassment. She had never been spoken to in that way. It was almost as if they spoke to her like she was a...lady, like they had called her. She liked it - but she knew it was a great game of pretending for people like her. Women like her. She was not a lady, and she had never been called one in her life...Except for when being mocked. She could remember all the other words clear as day though, and one word in particular had etched itself onto her retina, and at times she heard it through her dreams and thoughts;

_Whore._

"Oh...I don't..." she began stammering a bit. Celyn was not very comfortable around the entire company, and now that somebody except Bofur talked to her, and she felt eyes upon her, she got nervous and unsure of herself.

"What Celyn really is trying to get across is that she would like to spar with you." Bofur said. "Maybe you could learn her a few useful things with the swords?"

"Most certainly can." Kili said, excitedly with a smile, making Celyn relax a bit. "Why don't you come with us? I'm sure you can use my sword."

They were so young, Celyn thought. Had Kili been a human she might even have been a few years older than him. They reeked of energy and the spirits of youth. But seemed kind enough, and her request had not seemed to insult them or made them annoyed with her, this strange woman who asked this of them.

Fili held out a hand for her where she sat on the porch.

"Shall we?" he said with a kind smile. He had been kind to her before. The way he had offered her a drink and helped her with the intake of it when she had awoken from her sleep. Celyn took his hand with a cautious smile.

"Yes, please. Lead the way."

Bofur was glad that at least Fili and Kili seemed to be nice enough to Celyn as they led her away to the open patch of grass where they had been practicing in the garden. She really was very sweet. He could tell that her shyness was just a way of trying not to get in the way too much. It made Bofur think that she might have been treated badly in life, or maybe it was just a remain from her time in goblin town. He hated to think what they might have done to her, this girl, and he didn't want to ask. Maybe it was too soon for that - maybe it would never be soon enough.  
He had heard from rumors what the goblins did to their prisoners. That was, before killing them of course, or lettingt them die on their own accord after endless torturing. Bofur suddenly felt saddened and angry at those thoughts.

"She sure is a pretty lass." he said to no one in particular. Nori, who wasn't the talkative sort really and still sat beside Bofur, had heard him.

"If you like humans." he said with a snort. He watched as Fili instructed Celyn in the basics of blocking an attack. She listened intently and nodded with every word. Swords clinked together softly as they began the slow dance of a well manuvered fight.

"Seems to me you don't seem to mind humans at all."

Bofur had meant for it to come out as a joke really. He and Nori were friends. He used to laugh and joke with the other dwarf. Even Bofur could hear his own voice though, and found out that he had failed miserably at making his tone sound jokingly or playful.

Nori turned around to look into the face of Bofur. His expression were almost unreadable to Nori, but his tone was...confrontational, for lack of a better word. This made Nori rather annoyed. Last time he looked, he and Bofur were friends, he was free to lay his eyes on whatever he liked. He and Bofur would even discuss women - in the sense that they would comment on the barmaids in the different inns they had been staying at, earlier in their journey. Which one did they think was pretty, which ones would they try their charms on...

"I don't know what you're on about." Nori said and got up from his seat.

Bofur was left sitting on his own, a bit dumbfounded. Why had he said that to Nori like that? He _could_ look wherever he wanted, couldn't he? After all, none in the company had laid eyes upon a woman since thet left Rivendell, so he understood, didn't he? He wasn't one to get like this. Why did he feel so uncomfortable with Fili standing behind her now, his hands upon her lower arms, instructing her how to properly hold her weapon? After all, he had been the one to push them into instructing her... He hated this new side of him. He had never felt it before. He tried his best to push it away as he kept looking at them from afar.

"There you go. Grasp it lightly...Loosen up." Fili had his fingers on hers, urging for her to loosen her tight grip. His fingers were light on hers, like a small brush, not at all what anyone could have expected from a dwarf.

"And don't be too tensed." His fingers moved to her upper arms now, feeling the tension there in the muscles, struggling slightly with the heavy, dwarvish steel.

"You want to let the sword do the work for you as you swing it, use gravity. It's heavy enough, and you'll only tire yourself out too quickly if you work all the weight with your arms only."

Celyn did her best as to relaxe under Filis instructions. He and his brothers were so young and playful that they didn't feel that intimidating to her. Still, she felt mildly uncomfortable to be this close to the young dwarf. He had removed his heavier armour, leaving him only in his breeches, boots and tunic. While he didn't exactly rub up aganist her or anything otherwise inappropriate, he was a bit close.

Despite her nervousness, Celyn could not help but feel a bit...Flattered, for lack of a better word.

"There, how does that feel now?" he said. Celyn could not help but notice how his voice had lowered a bit.

"Good." she said and tried to swing the sword a bit into the air. "Definitely feels better when I distribute the weight more evenly. Thank you for your advice."

Fili stepped away from her.

"Well, I've had plenty of practice, so I'm good at what I'm doing." he said, not at all humble. Then he rised his sword and got into a battle stance. "Shall we?" he said with a smirk.

Celyn could not help but to smile back while rolling her eyes at his smugness. He was so cheeky and he reminded her so much of her brother...Except for the might-be inuendos aimed at her, perhaps.

"Sure. But just be gentle with me. I'm quite inexperienced. Especially handling a sword this big."

Thorin, Beorn, Balin and Gandalf had been gathering in the house. They did not partake in the pleasantries outside, in the garden.

"We leave in the morning." Gandalf said. "After we've had breakfast, if we might stretch your hospitality even more, Beorn."

Beorn nodded.

"The ponies will be ready for you tomorrow. I ask only that you don't bring them any further than to the edge of Mirkwood. Once you get there, you must send them back to me."

"We thank you for your hospitality." Balin said with a small bow. He had done so much bowing in the past two days that the elder dwarfs back was getting tender.

"Then there is only one more matter at hand, which we have not discussed yet...Though we really need to." If was Gandalf who spoke, his tone cautious. "The girl. What shall we do about her?"

Thorin groaned at this. He had hoped to just ignore the matter and make it go away. He did not care for the young woman, and he did not encourage his kin to act nicely towards her. And as always, there was always a few rogue individuals who paid less attention to his orders.

"I thought she had been with you all along." Beorn said, his brow arching ever so slightly in curiosity. Though she had seemed to be in a much worse state than the others. "Although, I did find it rather strange that a human girl would travel alongside dwarves..."

"I told you," Thorin said, not liking the things that Beorn might have been implying. "We found her a capture in Goblin town. She was travelling by herself to go back to Laketown. At least that is what she told us."

Beorn frowned in sympathy. He knew all too well what it was like to be captured by goblins and orcs...He knew of the cruel things they would do once someone was unlucky enough to be found their prisoner.

"Laketown is on your way to the Lonely Mountain - is it not?"

There was a short, but eerie pause in the room.

"Yes, indeed it is..." Gandalf said. Thorin shot him a glare.

"Be that as it may," Thorin said, fighting to control his temper. "We cannot bring her along with us. She would be too much of a burden, and we cannot afford any more delays because of one girl. Not even one of my own kin, at that."

"Master Oin said that her wounds had begun to heal, did he not?" Beorn said. "If the girl were going back to her family in Laketown and is fit to travel, I strongly suggest that you bring her along with you. You may be her escort. She wouldn't be safe here with me, if that is what you're asking of me. Which I hope it is not..."

That said enough to Thorin. They could not ask that of him. It was simple as that. Beorn had made that clear, and Thorin knew better than to actually ask, not wanting to anger the skinchanger in any way. Still, he had his thoughts about just accidentally leave Celyn behind or something like that... Still, Thorin could not help but to feel his conscious grip his heart for a second. He was slightly ashamed of himself for thinking those thoughts. He cursed himself. He was fighting a battle of doing the rightful thing and what was best for the company and the quest.

He couldn't help but to think that it could be bad for the others moral to have a woman amongst them...While all of them were honourable dwarves, Thorin could never be sure...

"Of course not," Balin said, salvaging the situation as he looked between Thorin and Beorn. "We will bring this up amongst ourselves. But the young miss will not be left behind in your care. You have our word at this."

Celyn thought she was doing a quite good job. Not with the sword, but more so with the bow, which Kili now had began instructing her in. They had even begun to try and hit tree trunks in the garden. Celyn had a good eye sight and was rather steady with her hand, which was a good advantage while she was aiming.

"You're doing great!" Kili said, complementing her on her result. "Are you sure you have not handled a bow before?"

"Never in my life." she said thruthfully. "It is not counted as very useful skill for a woman of Laketown or Bree, especially one who never travels through the wilderness."

This was rather different from the dwarvish customs, where many women were travellers and needed to be able to fend for themselves. They would even dress up as men on their wanderings, often mistaking them for male dwarves among others.

"Looking good lass." Celyn turned around just as she had send away another arrow to embed itself in the tree trunk she and Kili had pointed out. It was Bofur, who had been watching them for quite some time now, a smile planted on his face.

"Thank you - but I had the best instructors." she said and looked over at Fili and Kili who was standing right beside her.

"The _very_ best." Kili said with a wink.

The two brothers turned their heads as they noticed rustling next to the porch where most of the dwarves were seated in various tasks. It was Thorin who was calling them all back into the house.

"Fili! Kili!" he barked, getting rather annoyed when he noticed that Celyn was with them and Bofur, holding Kilis bow as it turned out. He was going to talk to his nephews later about that...

They all began to walk towards the door, even Celyn, the sheep in her joining the rest of the herd. Once she got to the porch, she was stopped by Balin, who looked up at her with kind eyes. It was not easy for him, but he was probably used to utter words which Thorin could not.

"Sorry lass. I'm afraid it's just the boys." he said, that diplomatic smile always on his face. "Why don't you stay out here in and enjoy the sun and practice a bit while we talk? It's just business that would bore you, I'm afraid."

Celyn knew when she was not wanted, and knew that they would discuss matters which were not meant for her ears. Still, she couldn't help but feeling excluded. She simply nodded to Balin and remained in the grass, her toes gripping the weeds anxiously. She noticed that Bofur remained at her side.

"I'll stay to keep you company, lass." he said with a smile.

"I'm afraid we need you as well, laddie." Balin said. "You can try and charm the lass later."

Celyn blushed at Balins joke, and so did it seem that Bofur did, before laughing it away.

"Very funny." he said. "I'll be there in a moment."

Balin nodded and went inside to the rest of the company. Bofur stood still next to Celyn, and cleared his throat, suddenly aware of the fact that they were alone in the garden. She smiled at him, a warm smile.

"Go ahead, Bofur." she said, gesturing towards the door. "You're kind to offer to stay, but I'll be allright on my own for a while."

After all, she had been alone for the past few years, and what would the rest of her life matter? However, she was touched at Bofurs concern for her.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." she said. "Besides, I need all the practice I can get. I find it rather entertaining to handle this bow." Celyn let the string of the bow sound underneath her finger.

"Allright lass." Bofur said. He made a move to go, but seemed to change his mind. "Ehm...Before I go in there and dicuss whatever matter...I picked these for you."

He brought up his hand which had been hidden from Celyns view and presented her with a bouqet of flowers, picked from the meadows around Beorns house. Celyn gasped.

"Oh, Bofur..." she said and felt how her heart skipped a beat, and that she was moved and flattered by his gesture. But then she took her thoughts a bit too far, for the fraction of a second, and felt slight unease as she looked at the beautifully arranged bouqet. "It was very thoughtful of you...I don't know what to say..."

Seeing Celyns uneasiness, Bofur chuckled.

"It's only some flowers, lass. Not a marriage proposal." he said as he kept holding them out for her, suddenly feeling a bit ridiculous. "I thought men picked flowers for lasses like yourself. Haven't anyone ever done that for you?"

"Never." she said, thruthfully. Celyn couldn't help but let the sadness tint her voice. It was true. Not even when she had been young. No one in Laketown had bothered to go ashore to pick her flowers and present them to her, in order to win her affections. They had not even bothered to do anything for her. Still, she was so easily seduced, so willing to give herself away...And by that willingness, she had cursed herself, thus her destiny had been laid out for her a long time ago.

_Harlot. Whore._

"Better make up for lost time then." Bofur said, urging for her to take the flowers. Celyn did, and felt how his calloused fingers brushed aganist her hand and lingered there while she kept her eyes locked on his. She saw nothing but kindness there, and it scared her... More than she would have imagined, even though she had longed to meet someone like Bofur for a long time. Someone who would simply show kindness towards her.

_They all want the same thing, Celyn. Deep inside._

"Thank you." she said and brought the bouqet to her nose to inhale the scent of sweet chamomile.

"You're welcome lass." he said, happy to see a small smile play at the corner of her lips. "Let's hope there is enough flowers to go around for the rest of the summer."

Celyn giggled at that, flattered, but a bit nervous at the same time. She had never met anyone like Bofur. He was kind, he was funny. He made everyone feel a bit more at ease, including herself. To Celyn, he was a very beautiful dwarf at that point.

"I'd better..." he said and gestured towards the door. "I suppose I can't make the lads wait for too long."

"Go ahead." Celyn said. "Like I said before, I'll be fine on my own."

Bofur looked at her, bow in one hand and flowers in the other. She was beautiful. There was no denying that.

"Thank you for the flowers." she added before walking back to the tree to get some more practise, bursting the bubble around them. She would actually enjoy her own company for a while, having only been around the company of dwarves for a few days now. Well, she could always get some practice to distract herself from the curiosity that had begun to eat away at her thoughts. What would they discuss in there?

She knew why she was not allowed, and Celyn told herself that it did not matter. It was natural. But deep within, she wanted nothing more that to be welcomed into the group.


	6. Pears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nori is a bit of a creep...Do you want more?

"We're arguing in circles." Thorin said, after slamming his fist firmly into the table in order to silence the chattering of the dwarves. They had all reacted strongly in their own way, to Balin and Thorins announcement that Celyn could not be left behind but was to be escorted by them to Laketown.

"Where does that leave us?" Dwalin had asked. He was not very pleased with having the young woman around, and since he was loyal to Thorin at all times, he would not question him. "I didn't join this quest in order to babysit. I've said it before and I say it again - the wild is no place for gentle folk who can neither fight nor fend for themselves. No offense, master Baggins."

He looked over at Bilbo who simply waved his hands dismissevely. He had already earned the respect of the dwarves. Thorin wasn't as cold to him as he used to be. He remembered those times...The cold glares, the remarks made openly in front of the company... Now that Celyn had taken on that role, he could not help but to feel for the poor girl and sympathize for her.

"Well, she's well on her way..." Kili said, before being silenced with a glare from Thorin. He was not pleased with what he had seen earlier - with Fili and Kili instucting Celyn in the art of fighting. Still, Kili pressed on, despite his uncle's glare.

"I've seen her. She has potential to become a skilled archer, and Mahal knows we could use another..."

Kili had impeccable skills with the bow, but if Celyn could help him or just fend for herself, he would be glad.

"We will leave tomorrow." Balin said. "Oin, from what you've seen, do you think that the lass would be fit to travel by horseback? Without slowing us down substantially, of course."

"Aye. She's a young and strong lass, and she's healing rather well." Oin answered. "I would deem her fit to travel, yes, if by horseback."

He hunched a bit, that was clearly not the answer Thorin had wanted to hear.

"I don't think she's a spy." It was Bofur who spoke. "I don't know the whole story, she's actually quite a shy lass...But from what I gathered, she's just trying to get back to her father in Laketown, and that's all there is to it."

"Yes, you seem to be friendly enough with her..." it was Balin who continued on his joke he had made just a few moments before. Bofur blushed a bit but tried to laugh it off, like he used to do when he seemed to find himself in a tight spot.

"Very well..." Thorin said after letting out a shaky breath. "Who's in favor of letting the human come with us and be escorted to Laketown?"

This was usually not the way that things were decided amongst them. But Thorin didn't feel he had a choice, and he knew others shared his opinion. He might be able to take advantage of that.

He did not raise his own hand, but saw that about half did...Besides the dwarves who was in favor for her to stay, Bilbos and Gandalfs hands went up.(Why on Middle earth had he allowed them to take a vote?) He was slightly surprised as to see Noris hand being raised. Then again, the slender dwarf never ceased to suprise him.

"It's settled then." he said, with the raised hands being counted. "The girl will come along with us to Laketown. But only as a favor to Beorn because of his hospitality towards us."

The dwarves who wasn't fond of the fact that a stranger would come along muttered.

"Whilst we still are alone, there is something I would like to voice, to all of you." Thorin said, his voice steady. "I don't only question the girls prescence amongst us because she's a human and a stranger, but also beacuse she's a woman."

Thorin looked amongst his company, their looks intensely fixed on him.

"Celyn is off limits. None of you are to be intimate with her, even if she aganist better judgement would wish to be so. She is not to be befriended or toyed with. While she will be especially your responsibility, Bofur I hope your relationship remains platonic. I'm gonna make sure none of you overstep the boundaries of propriety. Do I make myself clear?"

A mutter of agreement was heard amongst the dwarves. But some of them were really offended that Thorin even had felt a need to tell them this. They were dwarves, and she was a human. While the two races mostly lived in peace and were trading partners, a dwarf taking a human bride or the other way around, was mostly unheard of. Even the two races purely lusting after each other was not very much heard of. The dwarvish standards of beauty was not like those of men, though they all knew you weren't too picky when having traveled for too long...

Bofur felt a small surge of guilt at the thoughts he had already had about the girl. She was shy, at the moment, yes. But then Bofur remembered the conversation they had had the previous night by the hearth. Celyn had opened up to him. There also was little jokes, innuendos, smiling...Things that told him that she wasn't really the shy and timid girl she tried so hard to be. That was only a facade to try and not get in the way.

Bofur couldn't help but to notice that she was a beauty, dwarvish or not. And to his slight discomfort, he also couldn't help but to notice that the others had seen it, too. They were all males. Only two of the dwarves were married, and he remembered all the nightly conversations he and some in the company had held by the campfires. Hot blooded, humorously cheeky conversations about how badly they had wanted someone to warm their bed...

_"Give me a sturdy dwarvish lass with a nice, soft hair and beard and soft, big breasts anyday...But I gotta say, as long as she has a cunt and a decent looking face, I don't mind."_

_"Who cares about the face? Its not exactly where you look, is it?"_

He didn't feel that threatened by Fili and Kili. Bofur was sure that if not Fili, at least Kili was a virgin. Still, Kili was very confident with his looks towards women. After all, he had even shamelessly winked towards elfmaids in Rivendell.

But Bofur was not one to get jealous. But he felt that he wanted to protect Celyn. Why? Because he remembered when he had helped her to scrub her back...He remembered the face she had made...As if all trust for him had drained away before his eyes...He couldn't help but to wonder what had happened to this woman in order for her to react so strongly, like she had been, in some sense, waiting to be taken advantage of. Like she expected nothing less of him. It had stung, if even for a second.

After a few more nessesscities, the dwarves set about to pack and gather supplies for the day after.

Celyn was sitting in the grass, relaxing. She was eating a small, juicy pear from Beorns orchard, enjoyning the crisp, sweetness, like sugary sand melting upon her tongue. Her left inner arm was full of bruises from where the string of the bow had struck her. It was a common beginners mistake, Kili had told her. It did not matter, though. She had not felt this content with herself for a long time, and she could not help but to smile at the sun as it warmed her through her thin clothes.

She had challenged herself more and more when practicing, backing farther away from the tree she was aiming at, and still managed to hit it. Either the bow was really good, which she was certain of, but she must have something to do with it as well, and she felt a small surge of pride, no less. It was a feeling she had forgotten about, especially when thinking about herself. _Pride._

She opened her eyes as she heard the opening of doors through the garden. The dwarves had seemed to finish their session without her, and she was relieved to see that all of them seemed in a relaxed mood again, a few going back to their previous tasks, the rest seemed to take orders from Thorin. From what she gathered, they seemed to... _Oh no..._

It deemed upon her, and it hit her in her stomach like a icy fist. They were leaving.

Celyn could not conceal her sadness. She felt heavy hearted. Moreso than she had for a long time. Even as Thorin was finished with his orders and to her surprise started to walk towards her all by himself, Celyn didn't try to mask her pain at being left behind. However, the dwarf was so intimidating towards her in his own way that she got up to stand before him, not feeling as exposed when she could stand at his height.  
He stopped before her, as dark and brooding as he had been the night before, despite the summer and the sunlight.

"I have spoken to the rest of the company and Beorn." he started, without greeting her. "You told us that you were on your way to Laketown, if I'm not mistaken?"

Celyn started to speak, but felt a drop of pear juice make its way down her chin. Shamefully, she wiped it away with the back of her hand before she spoke again.

"Yes...Yes, that is right." Hope was rising in her chest.

"Then I have a proposal for you." Thorin said, having raised his eyebrow at her. Why did he, who was a dwarf at that, make her feel so _small?_

"The company are going to pass Laketown. We have not yet told you of our quest, and I suggest that we wait to do that until supper tonight. We are willing to offer you escort back to your home..."

He could not help but to notice how Celyns eyes widened, like a dog begging for scraps and finally being promised more than it could ever have hoped for.

"However, we don't want any passive guests traveling with us. Everyone is pulling their share, even the elder ones, and you, as a woman."

She was unsure about what this would mean to her, but Celyn simply nodded.

"I understand. It seems only fair and I am no stranger to work."

"Good. So I trust it you can cook?"

Now it was Celyns turn to raise an eyebrow at him. Was it simply beacuse she was a woman that he said that? Even he would know that a woman could have skills beyond that, didn't he?

"I have some skills." she said. After all, she had been a decent cook at some point in her life. When there still had been joy in her to cook. Back then, it had not only been a nessessity. It had been a pleasure to try out different herbs and spices. What went along with what fish? But that seemed ages ago by now... Before she had been forced to have supper on the table at the exact same time each night...

_"...Or you'll know what awaits ya."_

"Though I think I may be of other use than simply cullinary." she said. "You may find me of more use than that. I'm not afraid to work and help where I'm needed."

Thorin looked at her. Her gaze was unblinking, and in some small way, he admired her willingness to work for the favor.

"Very well." he said, deciding he would try and give her a small chance. "We will leave tomorrow at noon."

Celyn could not conceal the smile that her face broke into.

"Oh...Thank you so much." she said. "Thank you..."

Celyn curtsied in front of the dwarf, which she knew looked rather ridiculous without a skirt or a dress on. But it was the most appropriate gesture she could think of for a moment like that. She could have hugged the other dwarf or kissed him if it had been requiered. Finally, she was on her way back. She wouldn't have to be alone anymore. She was coming home.

"You are welcome." he said, a bit taken aback at her display of gratitude. "But don't make me regret my decision. I take it you are fit to travel by horseback for a few days?"

Celyn nodded excitedly. She could do anything they asked of her, even if it had been crawling back on all fours, if it held the promise of seeing her father again.

"Good. Then I will ask no more of you than that you regain your strength today." Thorin said. More out of nessessity than kindness. He knew she was still healing. "And that you see about getting some shoes on your feet."

"I will." she said, looking down at her naked feet. "And once again, I thank you for your kindness, my lord."

Celyn had been happy to see that most of the dwarves seemed to not mind her accompanying them to Laketown. She did not recieve any angry glares from any of them openly. She had asked of Ori to help her with the matters of her feet, before they got on their way. She did not know it, but the shy, young dwarf had been one in favor for her to stay. Not only because his older brother had had the same opinion. Also, Celyn noted that the young Ori seemed to be a helpful and polite dwarf in general.

She felt slightly useless just sitting down, but she knew she needed to regain her strenght for tomorrow. She was not yet healed, and she needed all the time she could get in order for her flesh to knit up as much as possible.

Still, she wanted to do something for the company to show them her appreachiation. As she sat under a tree in the garden resting, that gave her an idea.

That was how a certain dwarf had found her, on a ladder, in the orchard. Hidden from view from the others as they busied themselves on different tasks of the day, while there would still be light. He had sneaked away from the rest of the company, no stranger from doing so, cleverly leaving his chores to someone else or doing his parts half-heartedly.

He had watched her for a while, a basket upon her arm as she had climbed the ladder to reach the small, but ripe looking pears. He had gotten quite a view of her backside from where he was standing down on the ground, as ripe and full as the pears she was stretching her young, curvy body for. She was a sight to behold, and he waited to make himself known until he realised that she was struggling. That she seemed insecure to climb the ladder on her own and reach out for the fruits. She had managed to get a few down, but it was clear that she wanted more.

"Are you allright there, darling?"

Celyn turned with a surprised look at the strange voice in her ears.

"Master Nori." she said softly, voice slightly breathy from straining on the ladder. "What a surprise."

It truly was a surprise to her. While the dwarf had been looking at her indiscreetly, this was the first time he had spoken to her. They were alone, hidden from the others, and there was no one else around whom he could have spoken to.

"That ladder sure doesn't look too sturdy." Nori said. It was only half true. It looked sturdy enough, but given Celyns seemingly insecure movements, she seemed afraid that it wasn't. Celyn smiled nervously.

"Oh, then it isn't just my imagination, after all..."

"Would you like me to hold it for you while you climb it then?" he asked, not really waiting for an invitation for her to say yes.

"That might be helpful, thank you."

Celyn mostly said so because she would feel rude to turn down the dwarfs offer to help her. And it might make her feel more secure. Only on the ladder, though. Noris prescence did nothing to soothe her nerves. She was glad that he decided to finally make conversation with her, other than just look. Still, he made her nervous. He seemed no less shy just because they were alone with his staring.

Nori held the ladder with a strurdy grip, as Celyn went back to her task.

"Thorin told me I will join you on your way to Laketown." she said, wanting to fill the silence between them. "I couldn't be more grateful or happy."

Nori hummed a yes in response.

"Fair enough." he said. "It's good to have a woman around. For luck."

He had been in favor of her coming along. He wouldn't admit it if asked, but besides finding Celyns beauty a welcomed distraction, he also found her prescence...Intriguing. Having a woman along and not only the others and his annoying mother hen of a brother was refreshing.

"Luck?" she said. "That's funny. Amongst men most of us say that it is bad luck to bring a woman on a quest. Or at sea. Is it different amongst dwarves?"

"Women are so rare amongst us that they can't bring anything _but_ luck." Nori said with a smirk. "Besides, this quest could use a womans touch."

Celyn did not answer to that. She didn't even look down at him. Had that been an innuendo? It was the way he had been saying it...

"So what will you be doing with those pears then?" Nori asked while he kept looking up at her, making sure she didn't stumble, and still getting a better view of her. Smalltalk had never been his strong suit, but he wanted to try it since there was no one else around to judge his behaviour. He was also, slightly curious.

Celyn smiled while she loosened another ripe pear to put in the basket with the others. She needed more.

"You will see soon enough, master Nori." she said, still without looking down at him. "At dinner."

"I can't wait." Nori said, his tone ambiguous. He couldn't help but notice how juicy her thighs looked. Nori was very thankful at that point over how tightly the trousers clung to her body. They were also a bit too short on her, which only had been to expect when borrowing a pair that belonged to a dwarf. They revealed a pair of beautifully shaped ancles. One of them was still slightly bruised and swollen, but well on its way to heal. (In fact, most of her exposed skin had fading bruising on it.) Her feet was delicate, even if they weren't small by human standards. Small by dwarvish, though. Nori noticed that there were grass stains underneath the soles of her feet as she stood on the balls of her feet to reach. He briefly had a childish impulse to find out if she were ticklish, but resisted that urge with a surpressed groan.

"Oh, I don't know..." Celyn said shyly, still focusing on the task at hand, not looking down at him. "You might be disappointed."

"I'm sure whatever you do with them will be fine." Nori said. "Like I said, can't wait to taste your pears. Or what other forbidden fruits you're offering."

Celyn looked down at him. That confirmed her suspicions. He was looking at her without any trace of shame, a grin on his face. She had been feeling his eyes on her body. Suddenly, her throat felt dry, her face hot, and she felt more tensed than before, more aware of her every movement now. She wanted to laugh it off, because it was comical, but she couldn't laugh...Or even get offended.

"Well..." she said, afraid that her voice would fail her. "Just as well. I think I have what I need now. Thank you."

It was a lie. Celyn knew the appetites of dwarves by now. She could have done with a few more pears, but she didn't want to tempt the dwarf even more, the appetite in his eyes scaring her at the moment. And she was quite sure it wasn't for the pears.

"Let me help you back down." Nori said, reaching out to take the basket from her. It was full of pears by now. He put it down safely beside him as he kept holding the ladder for her as she began to climb down. It was going well, but Celyn still felt his eyes on her neck. With that knowledge in her head, she stumbled on the last step, making Nori instictively grab her hips to keep her from falling. She froze as she felt his fingers dig into her flesh for a brief second before steadying her on the ground. His body was so close to hers.

"Careful miss." he said behind her, his grip loosening but not letting go. Seeing his chance, he took a deep, quiet breath of her mithril hair. "You may injure yourself."

As Nori had suspected, her scent was positively intoxicating. The first smell he had detected was that of the soap she had washed herself with the night before. Lavender with a hint of fresh mint. He wasn't very good with plants and herbs. That was more of his elder brothers speciality, but he had managed to pick up a few things, from all the tea his brother would go on about, Nori not even pretenting to listen. Then, there was the smoke from the tobacco that most of the dwarves smoked. And underneath that, was Celyns own, unique smell. The smell of freshly produced sweat, her blood, roaring underneath creamy skin close to her pulsepoint...The slightly musky scent of a woman in full bloom.

Celyn turned around to get free from his grip. He had only hold her hips for a second or two, but it had been a second too much for her.

"You allright?" he asked again, at the loss of her flesh underneath his fingers. "Steady enough, are you?"

"Thank you." she said, not daring to meet those eyes that was too close to her by now. "Thank you for helping me with the pears and preventing me from falling."

It was his fault to begin with that she had stumbled, but she did not dare to voice that. Besides, she wasn't exactly known for being graceful, so it might have happened with or without his prescence.

"Anytime darling." Nori said as he absentmindedly stroked a lock of mithril hair from her face. Maybe he hadn't meant to do that, but he did...This made Celyn shiver, and Noris stomach tighten. He didn't want to frighten her exactly. He didn't like that, he wasn't into that..It was more a matter of...Affecting her. She looked up at him and noticed what might have been a kind smile playing on his lips. Had it not been for the moment itself, Celyn wouldn't have doubted that it was. He even looked a bit, amused, as if he was teasing her, the mischief glowing in dark green eyes.

"I better get these ready." she said, voice breathy and small as she motioned down to the pears.

Celyn hurriedly picked up the basket from the ground and left. Not even caring about how rude she must have looked. She all but did her best as to not run away from Nori. That greedy looking dwarf. He made her feel so...She didn't know...But he made her feel like she had done when she was back in Laketown...All eyes would be on her...Looks of appreachiation, admiration or even...Lust. The mixed feelings that she would feel in return. Flattered, to be desired...Angry with herself that she never would learn...Disgusted with herself for what would come after, followed by pure, potent hate. For herself and all those around her.

_Whore. Whore. Whore._

The dwarf stood and looked as she went back to the house hurriedly, her mithril hair almost flowing behind her. She didn't look back at him. He groaned as she was out of sight, almost as if part of the spell was broken. He was becoming a dwarf possessed, and having been closer to her than ever before, didn't help. In his mind, he would stroke those ancles, kiss her feet. Adorn her body with gold and precious gems, and nothing else. That had been one of his most disturbing, but still beautiful dreams. His imagination was playing him tricks. He wanted more of her, wanted her to realise that she might want him...

Bofur took off his hat and wiped the sweat out of his forehead. It was a warm day, and he had just finished his chores. If the day wasn't hot enough, he saw Celyn coming towards the house hurriedly. She was carrying a basket on her arm and looked flushed. He guessed that the heat most have gotten to her as well, despite being in lesser clothes than the rest of the company. She rushed past him with her basket, accidentaly dropping something from it. She took no notice, as she took no notice of him. Bofur wanted to call out for her, but felt that it was better to handle things discreetly in case she was upset.

He picked up the pear she had dropped and went after her inside of the house, feeling he had waited long enough to not raise suspiscions.

As Bofur entered the kitchen area he could hear the rustling of her movements. She was peeling the pears, putting all of them one after another in a pot. He didn't go unnoticed to her this time as she stilled her movements to look up at him. She was flushed red, but Bofur was relieved to see that there was no tears in her eyes. Still...

"Hello Bofur." she said, turning her blue gaze down, continuing to peel another small pear.

"Hiya lass." he said. "What are you doing?"

"Don't tell anyone." she said, feeling ridiqulous. "But...I'm making dessert. Preparing it for tonight."

"Oh."

"Do you think the others will disapprove?"

"Oh lass, of course not." Bofur said. She was so sweet, asking his opinion. "We could always use some sweet stuff before we're on our way again. I look forward to try it. Do you want some help with those?"

She seemed to have...shut down.

"No, thank you." she said.

"Just as well." he said with a smile. "I'm rubbish when it comes to all things edible."

"I doubt that is true." she said without looking up.

"Is everything allright lass?" Bofur said, voicing his concerns. Had Thorin upset her while he had been talking to her earlier in private? No, he couldn't have...He had only delivered good news, and he had seen Celyn from afar...She had seemed happy enough with the news.

"Nothing is wrong, Bofur." she said, putting another pear into the pot with a slightly wet thump. "I'm just...tired."

He walked up to her, and reached out for her arm. He couldn't help himself.

"Hey, what happened here lass?" he asked, softly grasing his fingers on the underside of her left arm. It was dark blue with fresh bruises. Celyn froze at the touch, but wanted nothing more than to lean into it...At least, she had wanted to be _able_ to do so if she wished. Still, want and ability was two different things...

She gave a small, shallow laugh.

"The string of the bow." she said, feeling how Bofur eased a bit along with her. "I let it slap me one too many times. Just a stupid beginners mistake."

"Looks painful." Bofur said. "Should I get Oin?"

Celyn thought that Bofur surely must be joking. When she looked into his dark eyes, she found out that he wasn't. There was only concern there.

"No. It's just my own stubborn foolishness." she said with a shake of her head. "I guess I don't stop in time when I take enjoyment in something."

"Glad you enjoyed it." Bofur said with a smile. "But try and be a bit more careful? You could at least wait 'til your current bruises are healed."

"Of course I can..." she said. "It will take a while, though, as with all injuries of any sort."

Bofur watched as she fell into silece again, soon filling it again with his own voice;

"Are you sure you don't want my help though? The kitchen is more of my brothers area really, as you can well see on him..."

Celyn gave a small chuckle.

"But I can help fetch the ingredients for you...Whatever you need. Bofur, at your service."

Celyn wanted to work on her own. She wanted to keep her hands and thoughts occupied while there was still a chance. She knew, once they got out on the road, that moments to herself surely would be rare.

"Why don't you just... Sit here. By the table." she said, not wanting to be rude, and not minding Bofurs prescence in the slightest. "Play something for me? On your flute? I wouldn't mind some entertainment."

This made Bofur smile another of his wide grins. One of those smiles that made his eyes twinkle and dimples appear behind his soft moustache.

"Allright lass." he said, pulling out his flute from within his clothes. "Feel free to make any requests if you want."

Dinner had been going well. Everyone had been in high spirits and had a healthy appetite.

"I've made something..." Celyn said after what seemed to be the end of the meal. The company looked at her in interest. "For all of you. I know it's not much, but since I don't have any money or any other means to pay you until we get to Laketown... Just see it as a token of my gratitude."

She realised when she said it that they hadn't spoken about it. Would she be expected to pay them when she got back? She didn't have any money. She owned nothing of value. And her father...If he was alive, would he even be happy to see her? She didn't think that the financial situation had changed for him, and he was the one who had sent her away in the first place...

"Do you need some help?" Bofur asked as she went to fetch the pot that had been simmering away over at the hearth. She was not weak, but it was heavy given the sheer quantity of pears and water in it.

"That would be appreachiated." she said. "Thank you."

Silent glaces and winks were exchanged through the company.

Bofur helped her to put the steaming pot down on the table. The sweet smell of pear, honey and spices filled the room as the lid were removed.

"It's pears, poached in honey." Celyn said. "Along with clove. Hope you all like it."

The apprechiation of something sweet after the meal were heard amongst the dwarves. Even the more stubborn individuals who was aganist Celyn travelling with them showed their appreachiation by having seconds. Dori even asked her for the recipe so that he could serve it at his restaurant in the Blue mountains.

While Nori had been seated at the other end of the table, Celyn noticed his knowing look. While he technically had helped her to pick the pears from the tree, he took no credit for it. Celyn had also decided not to tell anyone about his...behaviour earlier that day. She had several reasons for not doing so. Partly because there was nothing substantial that she could speak of. Sure, he looked at her, he had made one or two inuendos... He had grabbed her hips, but that had purely could have been to prevent her from falling... The other reason she didn't tell Bofur or anyone else was because she didn't want to cause a rift between friends or and family members. She had noticed that Nori seemed to be well-liked by Bofur.

"I think it's about time that we tell you about our expedition, dear." It was Gandalf who spoke after having indulged in the pears with a lot of cream.

Celyn snapped her head up at him. Yes, of course she had been curious. She couldn't deny it. But she had felt it hadn't been in her place to ask. Now finally, she wouldn't have to either.

"I did wonder what you were doing in these parts..." she said. "But since I thought you might be merchants from the Blue Mountains..."

"If so, where would our goods be?" It was Thorin who spoke now. His tone was not unpleasant towards her. It was a refreshing change to Celyn.

"I thought they might have been taken from you in Goblin town...Just like with my possessions."

"Very well." Thorin said. "But I can imagine that you given up on that theory by now, haven't you?"

Then Thorin proceed to tell Celyn about the quest. He left out details like the map over the mountains, the fact that he had a key in his possession...Celyns eyes grew wider while he spoke. She had been such an utter fool...

"I am Thorin Oakenshield." Thorin said in his regal baritone. "Son of Thrain, son of Thror, King under the Mountain."

If she only had heard it sooner, Celyn would have made the connection. She had heard tales of the time when king Thror had ruled under the mountain. A time even before her father had been born. It had been a time of prosperity and plenty. Dwarves and men had been living side by side in the city of Dale...The dwarves often coming down from their settlements in the mountain to trade with toys, silk, metalwork, gold, silver and fine gems...

But Dale...It was nothing but ruins now...And the only people brave or stupid enough to go there in the past sixty years had been plunderers, picking at the scraps of a once great city...No one dared to venture that close to the mountain. What if, the dragon would awake? While the people of Laketown hadn't lived in constant fear for sixty years and the more recent generations hadn't inherited the fears of their elder relatives, Celyn could not imagine the terror of a dragon. It was the reason that Laketown was built on the lake. To protect the town from the dragons flames in case he ever came back.

"But..." she said, voicing her concerns. "What if the dragon, Smaug...Would wake up?"

Celyn imagined that the company had been questioned about this matter before. Not many people would take something of that matter lightly, herself included.

"He hasn't been seen for sixty years, lassie." Dwalin said, cream stuck in his beard, looking like an overgrown cat. "Chances that he is nothing but dead and rotten are small."

She didn't know that the dwarf all but lied to her. Celyn didn't know much about dragons. She had never seen one, nor had she been encouraged to learn about them. But it the small community that Laketown was, there had been word amongst the people. Word about dragons being able to sleep for a very, very long time...And that when they would wake up, they tended to not be in the best of moods...

In songs where Thror would come to reclaim his home and make the rivers flow of gold, the dragon wouldn't be mentioned much. It wasn't exactly a small detail when reclaiming a kingdom.

"I see..." she said. What she really wanted to do was to shout at the company, tell them what a fools quest the whole ordeal was...But she wanted to get home. She had no place else to go. It was the sad truth about her life at this point. She could not afford to get anymore excluded from the company than she already was. She could always hope that the people of Laketown would have something to say about the matter... Not that she thought it would do any good. Thorin was as detemined as her if not more; he was coming home.

Sensing her thoughs, Thorin spoke, his tone cold again;

"We have not asked for your opinion about it. In fact, we didn't even have to do so. But we thought that it was best if we told you, since you are coming along for part of the way there. You come from Laketown...Surely you must have heard tales about my grandfather."

"Yes." she said. "The mothers of Laketown tell them to their children at night..."

Times had been hard for the occupants of Laketown. For a long time. Everyone was more or less poor, with exception for the master of Laketown and a few others. The promise of gold was not enough, but it was a comfort when times got exceptionally rough, despite the promise being nothing but a prophecy. The songs had echoed in the tavern at night, she knew them all by heart. She would be listening to them...Inbetween her entertaining...She would sit next to the fire, look into the flames and just listen at the mens roaring, drunken voices...

While Celyn didn't know what went into her at that point, she didn't get up or even looked up, but she began to sing softly, the tones forcing their way out of her body, she unable to stop them:

_"The King beneath the mountains,_

_The King of carven stone,_

_The lord of silver fountains_

_Shall come into his own!_

_His crown shall be upholden,_

_His harp shall be restrung,_

_His halls shall echo golden_

_To songs of yore re-sung._

_The woods shall wave on mountains_

_And grass beneath the sun;_

_His wealth shall flow in fountains_

_And the rivers golden run._

_The streams shall run in gladness,_

_The lakes shall shine and burn,_

_And sorrow fail and sadness_

_At the Mountain-king's return!"_

When Celyn looked up again, everyones eyes was fixed on her. She knew she didn't have the best voice, but she had wanted to give an example of a tale or a song that the people of Laketown would tell. Besides, she had been listening to the dwarves singing the night before. Celyn blushed more than she had during her song when the dwarves broke the tension by beggining to clap their hands in apprechiation.

"Well, that is one of them..." Celyn said, looking at Thorin. "But there are many more. Your reputation preceeds you, my lord."

"So it seems." he said with a soft, slow nod. "Thank you, miss Celyn."

That was the first time he had used her name towards her. This made Celyn smile softly in her blush. Damn her fair skin. She tried hiding behind her hair. She didn't see it, but Thorin smiled as well...His heart skipped a few beats in anticipation as he thought about his home. He wanted so badly to what Celyn just had sung to be true. For a while, he had more hope in the quest than he'd had for a long time.

"Never heard you sing before." Bofur said next to her, a hand patting her shoulder in appreachiation, his eyes filled of adoration. "You should do it more often. Does this means I have to stop?"

A chorus of loud _yes_ was heard at the table, followed by laughter, the remaining tension in the room effectively being ripped like a piece of fabric.


	7. Things revealed

Celyn had thought that she would have gone to bed early after supper. She couldn't have been more wrong. By now, she had found out that the dwarves were a merry gathering, who always was up for a bit of fun whenever a chance was offered. They had been laughing, joking, singing long after darkness had fallen and Celyn had began to feel fatigue aching in her joints and muscles. Even though she was regaining her strength quickly, she still felt sore and tired after her time in Goblin town. Not only pshysically, but mentally as well.

She felt more at ease with the dwarves now than she had so far. Bofur had invited her to sing some more while he played his flute. She had been shy, but the rest of the dwarves didn't seem to mind her singing and voicing her exsistence. Sadly, they shared little songs that they both new, so their repertoar had been narrowed down to a few well-known songs typical for taverns and inns.

"Don't worry, lass." Bofur had said when he had watched her embarrassment over not knowing any of the songs. "We'll have plenty of time until we get to Laketown to learn from each other."

Celyn smiled as she lay down on her bedroll. Bofur... He encouraged her so much... She couldn't remember the last time that she had been encouraged to do anything in her life, really. For as long as she could remember she had been told only one thing; she wouldn't be able to do anything with her life. She had no future. But today she had been showed the art of wielding a sword and shooting with a bow. And she had been rather good at the latter. Even the others had told her so. She had never had the chance to try it before, but now she liked it. Then she had been cooking and recieved words of apprechiation for it. To finish she had been singing, and no one had told her to stop or crudely told her to shut up. It wasn't like before. Those dwarves was nothing like  _Him._

It had been a good day for Celyn. The best one in a very long time.

She could hear the laughter and partying dying down in the kitchen, the dwarves seeming to grow tired as well. Soon, they would all come to join her, to sleep on their own bedrolls before it was time to depart tomorrow. Celyn hadn't been riding that much, so she was a bit nervous with coping on a horseback for...Well, she hadn't been told for just how long she would have to manage.

Celyn laid down on her back. She could feel her muscles ache and beginning to relax, back unraveling with a few quiet popping sounds. She absentmindedly played with a few straws of hay next to her bedroll. She was soothed to know that she was safe, and that there were people around her. She smiled softly to herself as her consciousness entered a dark tunnel, leaving the laughter and conversations far behind her in the waking world...

_Celyn was waiting. There was always a sense of wanting to get it over and done with._

_'Just come at me already. Just hit me.' Celyn would think. 'Just do it. But just let it be the last time.'_

_He would always be there. This time it was at a market. The market in Bree? Maybe so...But no, this one was more colourful, had more people, more scents, more goods, more to look at... Even before he would enter her dreams, she could feel him. Celyn could sense him scanning the crowds for her, with his one good eye and jaws tightly clenched in anger. He would always find her, eventually. Sometimes she even wanted to be found, to get it over with. And, she had nowhere else to go, really. She had hoped to be safe from his rage when they were out in the open, but no one paid any notice to them as she felt the first punches rain down upon her._

_'I. Told. You. To. Stay. Home.' A punch puncturing each syllable. It was his specialty to get his point across. 'You whore!'_

_She wanted to hit back, to defend herself, but she could never do so. Frozen like a statue. She took it all. Every punch, every slap, every word... Sometimes he wouldn't even attack her. He would sit in his disgusting chair by the fire, and Celyn would try to kill him, reclaiming her freedom by doing so. But she had always been like a ghost then, hands going through him as she went to punch his jaw. She would scream in frustration, but no sound would escape her.  
_

_He had her on the ground, then. Still, no one paid any attention to the pair. Not even in her mind did she brace herself for this part anymore. She would see his face. His horrible face. Eyes wide in anger, hardly seen behind the low brow, knitted in rage, lips was up in a sneer, showing off his rotting teeth. _She just saw him taking back his leg...Preparing to land a kick. She heard a woman scream in fear, but it was not her own mouth moving...__

_'No! The baby! The baby!'_

Bofur had been the last one to go to bed that night. It had been a good day. Most of the company had been at ease, and he was actually relieved to know that Celyn was coming with them now. He had had fun with her at dinner. They had been singing together, or he had played his flute and she had been singing herself. Together, they had entertained the group. Though shy at first, he could tell that she was relaxing more and more as the night went on. It could be seen in her smile...That smile that had been playing at the corner of her lips at first, until her face had broken out in laughter. He remembered her voice. It had been strained and quiet at first. Then, it had gradually increased in strength and clarity. He loved her voice already. He thought fondly of it, and of her in general. She looked at him and...He didn't know how to put it, but she looked starved. Starved for any kindness and attention he was offering.

It wasn't long before Bofur could hear her voice. He knew it was her, naturally, but it didn't sound like Celyn at all...

"No..." Bofur could hear it from her bedroll, along with her tossing and turning violently on the hay. The rest of her speech came out slurred, until one high pitched yelp made his heart skip a few beats. In the dark, he could see the outlining of her, now sitting up. It seemed to take a while for her to come to realization where she was, that she even was awake... When she seemed to do so, she hid her face in her hands, a dry sob shaking her body.

Automatically, Bofur had already moved up in a sitting position himself, now watching her. He had hoped that she could sense him looking, but she didn't move.

"Lass..." he said softly. She didn't seem to hear him at first. Was she sleeping after all? "Celyn..."

Having spoken a little louder this time, she turned around and saw him, looking at her from his own bedroll. Bofur. In the pale moonlight she could make out his distinct beard over his lighter skin. She could also make out that his thick eyebrows was turned up in a concerned frown.

"Sorry if I woke you up..." she whispered back to him, voice thick and hoarse. "Try and go back to sleep. I will be quiet..."

"Oh lass, no..." he said, moving very quietly on all fours to her bedroll. She kept her gaze fixed on him, feeling nauseous at this late hour, her neck sweaty from tossing and turning. "I'm only concerned for ya, that's all. I didn't exactly call out to tell you to be quiet. You must have been having one nasty nightmare."

"Is it really that obvious?" she said, sarcasm in her voice and eyes rolling in the moonlight. He was so close to her now that they both could whisper comfortably.

"Oh, I reckon it is lass..." Bofur said. "What made you scream like that?"

Celyn fidgeted on her bedroll, wrapping her arms over her legs, drawn up to her chest. She could always tell him that she couldn't remember her dream. She could just say that she had been dreaming of Goblin town. She could tell Bofur she dreamed about being whipped or starved to death. How she would be in a room full of delicious food, with no means to eat any of it, her hands tied or cut off and her mouth sewn together...But no, that was not this nights dream...

"It is a long story..." she murmured quietly.

Bofur got up from all fours and stood over her, reaching out his hand for her to take.

"Come on then," he whispered. "You got my ears all night."

Celyn wanted to protest and turn down his offer. Part of her wanted to tell him to go back to bed, and that she would do the same, that he had no obligation to ask her these things or listen to her. But his hand was there, and hers reached for it on its own accord. Again, she felt how warm his calloused hands were as they helped her on her feet. She could feel how strong he truly was. Bofur picked up her blanket for her and led her towards the hearth, where they had been sitting the night before.

"Watch your step, lass."

Bofur still held her hand as they staggered on the floor, avoiding the sleeping and snoring bodies laying in their path. If Celyn hadn't been there with them, he was sure he would have been one of them. He wasn't really a light sleeper, and particularly not if he had been drinking. Then, a raid by orcs couldn't wake him. But it was like he, looking out for Celyn, had now stretched beyond the waking hours. It had not been a choice, it just seemed to happen on its own.

As she sat down, Bofur took the blanket he had brought along and wrapped it over her shoulders, smoothing the fabric over her with a few long, kind strokes of his palms. Celyn wasn't cold by any means, but she appreciated the symbolic gesture anyway. No matter how alien it felt to her after so long. She remembered how her mother would do the same thing for her when she had been cold. In wintertime, if Celyn was really cold, her mother would sit her down by the fire, take Celyns hands into her own and put them into her armpits. They had both laughed at that - her mother yelping at the cold. Celyns mother had always been like that - she always put Celyns and her brother Celéons needs before her own. It pained Celyn a lot that she never could tell her mother of everything that she had experienced in the past few days. About the eagles, Bilbo, Gandalf, Beorn, all the dwarves...Bofur. It was always the worst part, coming to the realization that she would never speak to her in this world again. It was easier to forget than one would think.

"Want me to put the kettle on?" Bofur asked her. He wanted to take care of her. Anything to chase away that slight frown the seemed to be etched onto her face.

"No, thank you." Celyn said. She didn't feel like drinking tea now. "And please Bofur...you needn't fuss so over me...It was all just a dream."

"Sorry lass." Bofur said. He didn't sound hurt, but only sat down beside her now. "But I'm quite used to...Bifur waking up in the middle of the night. From nightmares. He hasn't done so for quite a while now, though. But tea usually helps then."

Celyn nodded. Somehow, it made her feel less...unique...She felt ashamed over that feeling. That feeling that Bofur would do this for anyone. Bifur was his cousin, but he would probably had done the same for any of his companions. Suddenly, she got an image of Bofur comforting Thorin in the night and smiled a bit, despite herself.

"Maybe your cousin has made peace with himself." Celyn said. "More so than before."

"Aye." Bofur said. "Or maybe he just couldn't do it anymore. Waking up every night, screaming...Maybe he just had enough..."

For a while, Bofur thought that she wouldn't want to tell him about her nightmare. That they would drop the subject and that they would talk about some lighter topic as a distraction, or just sit quietly. He thought so until Celyn spoke;

"I dreamed about him, Bofur..." her voice was so small, with weak confidence that could vanish at any second.

"Dreamt about who, lass?" he asked.

"My husband." she said, looking into the embers like she had the night before. "Back in Bree..."

Bofur felt like he was being ripped in two. He couldn't breathe...Was Celyn a married woman? Did she have a husband back in Bree? Suddenly, that feeling was back, like a slimy worm making its way through his heart. Stronger than ever. That feeling he had felt when he had caught Nori staring at her earlier that day...That feeling that had surged through him as he saw Fili laying his hands upon Celyn, his body close to hers. The cheeky, youthful grin he had sent to his brother as he had stepped away from her...The innuendos that would have made him laugh in other circumstances. He hated this feeling. He hated not to be able to stop it...She was not his. He had no right...

"I see..." Bofur said, trying with all his might to not let any of these unwanted feelings show. This was about Celyn. Not him. She didn't need to deal with his feelings on top of her own.

"If a husband is what you could call him..." she said. "I...I don't know what to say...How to explain..."

"Why didn't you tell us?" Bofur asked, not angry, but puzzled.

"You asked me if a had a husband in Laketown, I know..." she said. "I had one in Bree. I lived with him there. Forgive me, but I don't know why I kept it from you...It didn't seem to matter...I never thought I would tell you this...I don't know why I even do it..."

She hadn't dared to tell Bofur that much before...Now, she saw no reason to hide what she had been running away from. She might as well be honest, given that they would spend quite a lot of time before they got to Laketown. But then, for the same reason, she might as well be quiet.

"I don't know where he is now..." she continued. "He...He..."

Her throat felt dry. For a second, she regretted having turned the offer of tea down.

"So that is why you went into the wild then, is it?" Bofur asked without taking his eyes off her. Celyn nodded at this. She was thankful that she did not need to speak. Her heart was pounding furiously in her chest. She was too aware of Bofur's eyes on her.

"Did he..." Bofur started, not sure how to put it. He had never been one to put things delicately. "Treat you badly, lass?"

She was quiet for a second. Should she tell him everything? About all the words, all the beatings? How he had forced himself upon her from their first night together...? How many times more had there been? How many more nights?

"I suppose you could say that." she said quietly. No, he did not need to know...Not about it all.

"For how long?" he asked, anger thinly veiled. He was in chock to hear what Celyn just had told him. And he was angry, and briefly wondered if the bastard was still alive or if he could do something about that otherwise...

"For as long as we were married..." Celyn said. "That's where that mark comes from...The one you asked me about?"

"I remember..." Bofur said, remembering her hesitation before answering him. She had said that it had been from the goblins as well.

"That was from his belt."

Bofur balled his fists. He could not imagine the pain he must have inflicted upon Celyn. He could not imagine any husband doing that to his wife...Women were rare amongst dwarves. They were all precious. That any man who had sworn to protect a woman would do such a thing, was unthinkable to him.

"You must think I'm such a liar..." Celyn began, voice thick with uncertainess and sorrow. She was cut short.

"Lass, don't you dare saying that." Bofur said, trying with all his might to not let it show how upset he truly was. "Don't you think I understand why you didn't tell?"

Celyn fell quiet. She should have had higher thoughts about the dwarf, but he was really still mostly a stranger. They had only known each other for a few days, and now Celyn told him all of this...She couldn't get her head around it. It was so out of character for her...Or maybe it wasn't...She could not recall her old life. Who had she been before everything started to go so very wrong? She didn't really know who she was anymore. She had been imprisoned for so long... She had wanted to sing, but she had always been told to shut up. Slowly, the spark inside her had died down. And now, Celyn didn't know if it was possible to rekindle it again. What if it wasn't?

"You told me you didn't want to talk about it yesterday..." Bofur said. He knew that there had been something she didn't tell him, and he had accepted it. "And trust me, I know it must be hard. But I said it then and I'll say it now; you can always talk to me about anything, if you want."

"Bofur..." she said, her voice thick. He felt how his heart would break if she spoke his name like that again. Almost, pleading...It took a while for Celyn to regain her composure.

"I did not marry him by choice..." she said, looking directly at him. Bofur saw that the expression was hard, and that she forced the words to come out. This was difficult for her, and he couldn't blame her. "I just want you to know that Bofur. I never loved him...I might have tried to, but I never could..."

"I understand that, lass..." Bofur said, nodding. "Don't you worry, I understand if you don't-"

"No." Celyn interrupted him. "I want to. No more lies. I won't keep this locked within myself any longer."

Celyn took a deep breath and looked into the embers once more.

"It was my father who sent me away..."

Celyn would never tell Bofur, but as she said those words, she thought back on one of the last conversations she had had with her father;

_"Celyn, you have put shame over this family...I am sending you away..."_

_"Sending me away?" she asked, chocked by his tone. Their argument had escalated and reached its peak moments before."Where to?"_

_"To my cousin in Bree. I just received word from him a few days ago."_

_Celyn had only met Halbar, her fathers cousin once. She had been a child back then, when he had decided to move away from Laketown to try his luck in Bree. Apparently, he also had been forced to move because of inappropriate behavior. Or so people said..._

_"To your cousin?" Celyn repeated, her anger resurfacing. She didn't like at all where this was going. Also, her father had been going behind her back. Talkied about her behind her back... "What will I be doing there?"_

_Her father looked sad...He didn't speak for a few moments._

_"Father?" she said, her face now red in frustration. He was making her angry with his silence, and she demanded an answer from him.  
_

_"He has promised to take you in, Celyn." her father said without meeting her eyes. "He will take you as his wife."_

_Celyn had been at a loss for any words. Had she even heard him right? Was she, a young woman, to move away from her hometown to marry a man at least twice her age? And for what? Because no one would talk to her anymore? Because the dealers in the market wouldn't let her shop from them anymore? Celyn could feel what little freedom she had left being taken away from her. Her life...Even if it wasn't much...It was all draining away, much like from a wound, and there was no way to stop the loss of blood.  
_

_"I wish I didn't need to..." her father said, his voice now choking on tears. Celyn had only seen him cry a few times in her life, and now it only made her more angry."But you leave me no choice, Celyn... I wanted a better life for you. In Bree, you may find a fresh start. No one will even know you once you get there. They won't know of your past...You can find forgiveness."_

_"This can not be..." Celyn said, not knowing if she wanted to cry, scream or laugh. One thing was for certain though; this was no laughing-matter. And she was angry. "He's your age father...He's even older than you!"_

_"Celyn, I know." her father silenced her. "I know. It's true, he's old, but he's never taken a wife... He knows all about our situation, about you being..."_

_Celyn wanted to cry...She gave up a frustrated scream. Damn it if the neighbors heard her - she did not care anymore._

_"I did it for us, father!" she screamed. "Why don't you just go on and say it already? Say it! Your daughter is a harlot! A whore!"_

_Her father wanted so badly to silence her. The thought of it made him sick to his core. He knew that the neighbors knew of it by know. He knew that the entire town knew. She could hardly go out during the day, and for once, he was glad that he was unable to... If Celyn stayed in Laketown, she might not live to see another year. Things were already spiraling out of control... The other inhabitants would simply go much further that just name-calling and abuse some day... He could already feel it in the air, and it had gotten worse. If the people had their say, it would not matter if the Lord of the town had her under his protection or not. They wanted blood. And if they wanted his daughters blood, then they would make sure to get it.  
_

_"And why is she a whore?" Celyn continued, still screaming and trembling with pent up anger. Had she had less respect for her father she surely would have hit him already. "Because I'm useless on the lake, and I couldn't even get a simple job as a chambermaid! And do you know how much I loathe myself for it...? I'm more disgusted with me than you are! Just look at me! I'm a whore, and every single man, woman and child in this town hates me! But it's true father - it's the truth!"_

_She broke down, right there on the floor in front of the fire. Her tears was staining the wood underneath her, face pressed against the floor. Her father wanted so badly to comfort her in any way...But not only had that been her mothers task when she had been alive, but he also couldn't get up so easily from his seat...His lost foot rendering him useless...Also, he knew he was the cause of that pain. If only she could understand him...If only she'd known he just wanted his daughter to have a better life. He just wanted her to be safe. He just wanted her to live._

"How could he do such a thing?" Bofur asked her. If he had been a father, he would have done anything to protect his children.. Children were more valued than all the gold in the world. They were a precious gift from Mahal. One simply didn't send them away to go live with a stranger...

"I told you yesterday..." Celyn said, her face remaining stoic. "He couldn't work...The entire town is poor, but I guess some were better off than others. He wanted me to have a better life than what was offered to me...Please try to understand. I made peace with it long ago..."

Maybe it wasn't the entire truth. But she used to hold a stronger grudge against her father...But upon leaving Laketown behind she had decided one thing; she would never tell anyone she met the reason why she had left. No one could ever know. Not only could she be risking her life on revealing such information about her past, but there was also one more thing that kept her from telling;

Shame. The ultimate, white hot shame. The shame she would feel when she could see them whispering behind cupped hands or fans, undoubtedly about her... The shame she had felt when she had been going to buy fish from the market.

_"I know where those money come from...Ye can keep yer filthy money, 'cause I 'aint selling to women like ya."_

That woman...Celyn had almost wished her dead. Even though she mostly had been hurt, she also made Celyns blood boil. She knew who the womans husband was, and she knew him too well...Well, she knew what he liked. She had entertained him a few times at the tavern...His wife probably knew all about it. She hated Celyn. But then again, the hate was mutual.

Bofur nodded at her. He knew that the inhabitants of Laketown mostly consisted of poor, unfortunate people, given the location by the mountain. The town traded with few others than the wood elves, and the area offered little ground to farm. Even though Celyn was a well-mannered young woman he hadn't thought that she had come from a rich family or anything.

"I just want to see my father again before he goes..." she said. "His cousin took my life away from me...But I don't know if there still is time..."

Bofur put a hand upon her shoulder and squeezed softly.

"We will find him, lass." he said. "I promise ya that."

They both knew he could make no such promise. But still, it was good for Celyn to hear. She noted his use of the word  _We_ and almost smiled.

"Please..." Celyn said, her voice pleading. "Please do not be mad at me for not telling you...But I was afraid..."

"Oh lass..." Bofur said. "You had no reason to be. I told you that you could talk to me and I'll keep that promise."

Celyn wanted to believe him. She would.

"It was just that with what Thorin said..." she started, her tone more relaxed now that he didn't seem mad at her. "About me having duties back in Bree..."

Yes, Thorin seemed to be very opinionated about what a woman's place should be. Celyn very much doubted he had ever had or been with a woman...He certainly didn't seem to know how to talk to them.

"Oh, I think you should tell him, lass." Bofur said. "He may not be very good with people, but I think that he'd understand if you told him..."

Celyn dreaded the thought of telling Thorin what she had told no one else but Bofur. It had been hard enough to do just that. And to face the grumpy dwarf in all his regalness and tell him this intimate detail of her past scared her. But then, it might make him less suspicious of her.

"Very well..." she said. "Do you mind...Telling him for me? I would never ask this of you, but I don't know him...and I don't know if I can..."

Bofur wanted to take her hand, just like he had last night, but he wasn't sure if it was appropriate after everything she had told him.

"I'm sure you'd do fine on your own lass." Bofur said. "But if it helps, I'll be there for you. I'll butter him up."

Yes, surely Thorin couldn't be immune to Bofur's charms. As far as she

"Thank you."

They were quiet for a while. Celyn didn't want to do it, but she felt she had to voice it again;

"I'm so sorry I didn't tell you sooner..." she said. "But I don't want you to treat me any differently for knowing this. I know I can't demand it from you, but I'm asking you to find it in your heart..."

Now he didn't care whether it was inappropriate or not. He put his hand on hers and squeezed, not letting go so soon this time. He knew that she would need the reassurance after opening herself up to him in the way she just had.

"This changes nothing between us lass." he said with a smile which he hoped would be calming to her. "Nothing. I'm just glad you told me."

Celyn was quiet for a second.

"Why are you being so kind to me?" she then asked out of the blue. "You are indirectly responsible for my rescue, you talk to me, you encourage me and you even take care of me in the middle of the night...When you really should be sleeping...I have done nothing to deserve such kindness from anyone."

Bofur chuckled.

"Oh lass..." he said with a tilt of his hat-less head. "The question you really should ask is, why  _wouldn't_  you deserve such kindness?"

Celyn looked down, ashamed. She briefly noted that he hadn't let go of her hand yet. Neither had she made any move to escape his touch. She surprised herself with noting that it wasn't unpleasant. That she even welcomed his touch. It was warm, it was soft. It was all the comfort she needed so badly, even if it was a small gesture. She looked into his face. His kind, dark eyes, surrounded by those wrinkles that told the tale of his joyful nature. His eyebrows, thick, dark and beautifully arched...His nose. Much smaller than the other dwarves, slightly turned upwards. The dimples in his cheeks...

"I'm sorry..." she said. "Old habits die hard, I suppose. I just-"

"You're afraid that you will be in debt with me?" Bofur said. He had suspected it for a long time, but he hadn't want to say it. "That you'll be in debt with all of us for saving you?"

Celyn nodded mutely. How could he know so much about how she was thinking? Well, maybe it wasn't a strange thought after all...She should stop studying his face now. She turned her head down.

"I'm sorry."

"Stop saying that you're sorry all the time, lass." Bofur was now moving his fingers upon hers with his hand, stroking her softly. With his other free hand, he cupped her chin softly, making her look at him again. Celyn thought that her face would burst from all the warmth that flooded to her cheeks. It felt too good, and her skin was getting more and more sensitive to his touch. It had been so long since anyone had touched her with kindness. Celyn blushed even deeper at her thoughts...It had been so long...

_'What is happeing to me?'_

"Alright..." she said, barely able to use her voice. "I shall stop doing that. At least not do it as much... But thank you Bofur...Thank you for being such a good friend."

She did already count him as a friend. He was the closest thing to a friend she had at the moment. The closest thing she had had since she was a mere child. But with her choices and duties, her friends had vanished, one by one. Celyn remembered seeing them in Laketown from a far. All memory of any friendship would be gone as they would ignore her, not even acknowledging her as a ghost from their past. It was either that, or the words.

_Whore._

"That's my lass." Bofur said as he squeezed her hand one more time before letting go. Celyn couldn't help but to whimper softly to herself at the loss of another beings kind touch.

She knew it meant nothing, but she couldn't help but to note it this time.

_My lass._

She liked it. She liked the thought of being someones. To be someones freely. Without having to be forced. To have a choice.

The next day came, and the company was awoken by Beorn himself.  
While having breakfast with them, he offered the company advice for the remainder of their journey.

"Your way through Mirkwood is dark, dangerous and difficult," he said. "Water is not easy to find there, nor food. The time is not yet come for nuts, and nuts are about all that grows there fit for food. In there the wild things are dark, queer, and savage. I will provide you with skins for carrying water, and I will give you some bows and arrows. But I doubt very much whether anything you find in Mirkwood will be wholesome to eat or to drink."

Celyn now thought about the fact that they were going to go through Mirkwood. She hadn't given it much thought up until now. But was the wood really the same that she had passed through years before? She did not remember it the foul place that the others spoke of...They had been escorted by the elves of the forest. They had offered a safe passage through the woods, since the elven king Thranduil traded with the men of Laketown and they did it as a favor on the rare occasions needed. She decided to let that be unspoken for now, though. She knew that dwarves had a strong dislike for the elves and that the feeling probably was mutual. Celyn herself had nothing against the pointy-eared, etherized and impossibly beautiful creatures. Living in Laketown, she had met them several times when they would transport or fetch goods. They would even be at the tavern, but they would pay her no notice. She hoped that it would remain that way, in case they would meet any of them. She already dreaded the thought of coming back to her hometown...Maybe she wouldn't have if she had had any other options...

She felt sad for a moment. What was she going to do with herself? Really?

After they all had given their thanks to their host, they all mounted their ponies. (horses for Celyn and Gandalf.) The sun had only just turned west when they started, and till evening it would lie golden on the land about them.

Since Beorn had told them about the goblins that patrolled these parts, the company wanted to get a move on as quickly as possible. Even though Celyn felt safe with her horse she felt how her body ached during the long distances of galloping. The company tried to do so whenever the ground was grassy and smooth.

They all rode in silence for the most part. Celyn was lost in her own thoughts of home. The distraction of conversation would have been welcomed. But the gentle rocking of the horseback made her somewhat calmer. Bofur was riding in front of her, his braids sticking out to his sides as his head moved, and every now and then he looked over his shoulder towards her. If she noticed him looking he would smile at her. A reassuring smile. Celyn felt strange after having told him so much last night...She felt slightly... _Violated,_ even though she knew it was her own doing.  
But then, she thought back on his kindness...The lighter topics they had spoken about after that. She thought back on his hand lingering upon hers. It had been so long for her...  
Battling away her curious and somewhat hot-blooded thoughts about dwarven physique, Celyn briefly wondered if the dwarf had had a chance to speak to Thorin and tell him about her past. Part of her hoped so...And another part just wanted to take back all she had told Bofur the previous night. It was all such a strange mixture of relief and confusion.

She was brought to a lighter mood when she heard how the dwarf in question started to sing, finally deciding to break the silence. The other dwarves soon joined in with the merry toymaker.

_There's an inn, there's an inn, there's a merry old inn_

_beneath an old grey hill,_

_And there they brew a beer so brown_

_That the Man in the Moon himself came down_

_one night to drink his fill..._

The dwarves had been singing it the night before when they all had been in high spirits. Now Celyn knew some of the words and tried to join in with a small portion of the song, bringing her to a lighter mood. The mountains towered darkly above them on their left, and Celyn felt that the singing in a way was to mask the worrying thought about something foul and dark coming down from those mountains... She had had enough of goblins for more than a lifetime and shared the others concern.

It would be dark soon. The last rays of sunlight was beginning to hide behind the hills behind them. Celyn could feel the warmth of the day dying away with the light. The sky was clear, and it was certain to be a chilly night. Suddenly, she felt how under-dressed she was for this trip and sleeping beneath the stars. She had received boots that the young Ori had sewn together for her in a haste. They weren't very warm, but it was better than nothing. He really was a well-mannered and intelligent young dwarf. Shy, timid, but kind. It was hard for her to believe that he was Noris younger brother...In fact, Nori was so different from both Ori and Dori that she wondered if they really were brothers, after all.  
She didn't turn to look, but she knew that the dwarf in question rode behind her on his pony. Had he ended up behind her by chance? Celyn doubted it...

Suddenly, just as Celyn was beginning to have a hard time seeing through the gloom and her whole body ached and screamed for relief, Thorin signaled for the company to stop.

"We camp here for the night." he said before dismounting his pony. "Set up camp. And be on your guard, all of you."

It went without saying, that. They all felt worried about the closeness to the mountains and its disagreeable inhabitants, though no one felt the need to voice it the way Thorin just had.

"You all right, lass?" Bofur asked as Celyn had dismounted her horse with some difficulty. Her legs were so stiff after the long ride, and it took great effort to swing one over the beautiful mares back.

"Yes..." she said, happy to be face to face with him again. "I just need to get the blood flowing into my legs again, I'm afraid." Celyn rubbed her thighs with the palm of her hands, then moving back to her saddle-sore bottom. Bofur shared a cheeky grin with her at her administrations.

"Bombur!" Thorin barked as he walked around camp. "Make us something to eat. We are all hungry."

Celyn heard that and turned to Bofur.

"Do you think your brother would appreciate some help?"

Celyn was not exactly afraid of the big dwarf. But she was cautious with anyone who hadn't showed much interest in her or spoken to her. Bombur had been one of them. Despite being Bofurs brother, Celyn knew that did not automatically meant that he would like her or even approved of her being with them.

"Bombur?" Bofur said. "Why not? Go ask him. But I warn ye, he's much too busy stuffing his face than to talk very much."

Celyn smiled to the dwarf and turned to go seek out Bofurs brother. Bofur looked after her, her míthril hair glowing in the gloominess. He was almost forgetting himself for a while. She was so eager to work, so eager to show that she could be of use. He knew how much she really needed to rest, but now she used the last of her strength to make herself useful. It was a trait to admire.

"Dori." Thorin said. "You take the first watch. And after that it's you, Nori."

The silver-haired dwarf suppressed a sigh and pouted but nodded to his king. No one liked to be on watch duty. And especially not in these parts.

As it turned out, Bombur very much appreciated Celyns help. He let her help with cutting up the vegetables that would go into the stew he was making. They made little conversation, except for the vast topic of food. And Celyn didn't try too hard. If he didn't feel like talking to her, she wouldn't force him. Bombur didn't seem to be the talkative sort anyways, so she was not to take it too personally. He really was different from his brother. Both in appearance and personality. Celyn looked over to Bofur who was helping with gathering wood for Gloín and Oín who were about to get a fire started. She noticed that he could carry a lot without seeming to be weighed down by his burden. He had such broad shoulders...Celyn had not really been surprised to learn that Bofur had been a miner...She admired the strength of the dwarves. They were all muscles and power packaged in small, sturdy frames. Celyn briefly wondered if it was a wise idea to start a fire so close to the mountain but held her tongue. If they wanted her opinion they would surely ask for it.

She noticed that Nori was tending to the horses. Dwarves did not seem to have a good hand with animals. Maybe that was one of the reasons why Beorn didn't care for their sort. But Nori didn't seem to mind them too much, and neither did they mind him as he went about, unsaddling the animals. They seemed very happy indeed to get rid of their burden.

As if sensing her looking his way, he turned his head towards her and looked directly at her. He smiled a smug smile before going back to unsaddling the animals. His slender form was so different from the other dwarves. He reminded Celyn of a fox. Celyn remembered their encounter at the pear tree. How he had looked at her...His hands upon her hips. The things that he had said to her...

_"...can't wait to taste your pears. Or what other forbidden fruits you're offering."_

Celyn hated to admit it to herself. She could hardly do it, but somehow she felt...flattered. That, and disturbed. Was it because he was a dwarf? Even though it was obvious that Nori was no gentleman and was being indelicate, Celyn didn't believe he was one to force himself upon women. Bofur told her how Nori had been, or were still, a thief. That the dwarf had been living rough. That he would have been the burglar, had he not been a dwarf. The dragon Smaug was accustomed to the smell of his kind, but not of the smell of hobbit. Which is one of the reasons why Bilbo had been allowed to join the company to do what in Celyns ears very much sounded like dirty work.

"Miss Celyn."

She heard a voice behind her back call out from the darkness. The voice that made her nervous in all its regalness and sternness. She thought about rising, but had no energy left for such formalities.

"My lord Thorin." she said, settling for that. "How may I help you?"

"I wish to speak with you for a moment." he said over her. "In private."

Celyn felt how she froze and noticed the other dwarves curious looks. The ones that were within hearing range, that is. Well, she might as well get it over and done with for now...

"Of course."

She excused herself to Bombur and got up from her seat. Thorin led her away from the rest of the company so that they both were surrounded by darkness. Celyn felt how cold the night truly was when they stepped away from the warmth of the now crackling fire. For a minute, she looked at Thorin in the darkness and wondered if it would be possible to borrow his warm fur coat once again. It was going to be a long night...


	8. Privacy

"Bofur has spoken with me." Thorin began as soon as they were out of hearing range from the others.

"Oh?" Celyn tried her best to make her tone sound as neutral as possible. Still, she could hear the blood beginning to roar in her ears at Thorins words. The lack of visual impressions made every sound so much stronger. Even the beating of her own heart.

"He told me about your...unfortunate situation."

Celyn didn't need this. To speak of private matters with the king under the mountain, with only his voice in the darkness to guide her. Suddenly she regretted having told Bofur about it all. Celyn felt she had to offer some kind of apology to Thorin.

"I have put enough shame over myself for leaving Bree and my husband behind. That is why I did not tell you until now."

"Understandable." Thorin said. "I will grant you that. But not appreciated. Were you afraid what we might think of it?"

"Yes." Celyn said truthfully after pondering whether to be honest or not. "I did not know what your reaction might have been. I suppose I was afraid. Do I still have a reason to be?"

Even though Celyn still couldn't see Thorin, she felt him being thrown off guard by her boldness.

"You are not a prisoner amongst us." Thorin stated. "We dwarves do not take kindly to any husband who would sink as lowly as to lay hand upon their wife. We do not lack honour - which you can not say about all the people of Middle Earth."

Celyn knew she had offended him by thinking so lowly of him. She wanted to apologize, but she didn't want to stir things any further by speaking. They really didn't see eye to eye, her and Thorin. It had been so from the beginning. His first words to her had been harsh - he reminded Celyn of her father in some aspects. Only, she had no obligation to even like Thorin...

Celyn heard the rustling of Thorins clothes - metal jingling and leather creaking and whispering. Did he make a move to turn away from her?

"My lord Thorin." she said, even reaching out to catch his arm. She couldn't see him, and she needed some reassurance to know he was still there. Celyn had never been afraid of the dark, but since traveling over the mountains, and given how badly things had ended for her when doing so, she had had a change of heart. She could almost feel how Thorin glared down on her hand gripping him, making her let go as though she had been burnt.

"Forgive me if I am being indelicate." she said. "But...What did my kin ever do to you? Who do you seem to despise us, or _me_ , so much?"

Thorin was quiet. He had not expected to hear her talk to him so open-heartedly. When Thorin did not speak, Celyn took it as a cue to continue;

"Bofur told me about it. He told me about you, leading your people to safety after Erebor had fallen. You took work wherever you could find it. In human settlements to keep your people provided for. I cannot imagine how hard it must have been.."

"A prince has got to look out and provide for his people." Thorin said, his tone matter-of-factly. "It is his duty."  
Celyn noticed that there was a soft, or even sad edge to his voice. This dwarf was pained. He was burdened. Celyn saw glimpses of it all the time. Bofur had been right...

"But humans have always been good at making me remember what I lost. With their mocking, both for my people and myself."

Celyn fell quiet. While she thought that the dwarves didn't really seem to be open-minded to the other races of Middle-Earth, she felt ashamed of her kinsmen. She imagined that they might have admired his work as a blacksmith, but then, behind his back make fun of the prince's shortness and excile. There were many traits about dwarves that men might make fun of. The other race were quite different from the other.

"My lord." she said. "My sincerest appologies to your past experiences with my kinsmen. But I want you to know that I am nothing like them. You will find no mockery coming from me. I have only found pride and dignity in your people so far. And not to mention my eternal gratefulness to you for saving me."

This seemed to calm Thorin. She just wished she could have seen his face and that she had buttered him up enough. She was on the verge on becoming a brown noser, and she knew it. Still, she wanted nothing more than, if not being liked by Thorin, or even accepted, that he would at least would stand the sight of her.

Thorin was quiet. Maybe simply wanted her to know that he knew about where she came from, and that would be it.

"We will make sure you get home safely." Thorin said in an attempt to be reassuring. "You will see Laketown again. But what will your family think of leaving your husband in Bree?"

"I do not dare to think about it." Celyn confessed, saddened that Thorin had mentioned it. He seemed to know enough about humans to know how most of them felt about escaping marriage. A beating was something you were supposed to withstand from your husband. Every now and then. It wasn't unheard of. it wasn't even aganist the laws of men. It had been more for Celyn...It had been a matter of choosing between living or dying. She had come to that realisation, almost too late. It had been too late, depending on how one chose to see it.

"But my hope is," she said without letting her sadness show. "that they will understand. That I will be welcomed back with open arms. I was born in that town, master Thorin. I believe I have every right to come back whenever I wish to do so."

_Oh Thorin. If only you knew the entire thruth. You would laugh or end my misery right here and right now. Maybe I would even welcome it._

She didn't like to talk with Thorin about these things. But compared to Bofur, he wasn't afraid he might upset her. He was being blunt. He thought about things that she didn't want to think about. He thought about the details that might determine whether she would live or not. Thorin did not sugar-coat matters.

Thorin turned away from her again. She heard him speak then, very quietly;

"He speaks very fondly of you."

Celyn tried as hard as she could to make out his features, to read his expression. All she had to go on was his baritone echoing in the darkness.

"Who does?"

"You know of whom I speak." Thorin said. Of course she did. But she needed him to say it. "Bofur."

She smiled inwardly. She felt comforted at the thought that he would speak of her in that manner. And in front of Thorin, his leader. Still, her joy vanished quickly. She knew where this was going. Deep within herself, she knew.

"He has taken good care of me, my lord." she said defiantly even before the accusations could begin. "He is a honorable dwarf, and I sincerely enjoy his company."

Thorin scoffed at this.  
"As do all of us." he said, a hint of a smile in his tone. Celyn thought it was a welcome change.

"That is what I wanted to speak to you about as well." Thorin said. "It would be unwise for you to enjoy his company _too_ much."

Celyn thought her heart had stopped cold in her chest. She did like Bofur. She enjoyed his company. She lit up every time he gave a toothy smile towards her, she could never help but to smile back at him. But was it friendship? Was it a more romantic angle? Was she just lonely and starved for affection after such a long time? After all, Bofur treated everybody well. He joked with everybody. Sang with everyone. Everybody liked him. One would be a cold-hearted fool not to.

Still, she couldn't help but to think Thorin was right. She tried not to think about it. What would happen once the company reached Laketown? Celyn knew people. How people worked. The promises that they would make. They would all be so quick to go away...Their journey would end. It was inevitable. Bofur would move on towards the mountain, his goal, and Celyn would have reached hers. Her goal was Laketown.

"Still." Thorin said. "One can not blame you for needing a confidant in this hour."

Celyn looked at him, but of course she couldn't make out much of him. Was he having sympathy with her? He was not waiting for a response from her.

"Just make sure you do not overstep any boundaries, little girl." Thorin said, before adding in a lower tone: "Either of you."

That was the end of their conversation. As always, most contact with the king under the mountain left a bitter taste in Celyns mouth. She excused herself to go and make water in the forest. She needed to be alone for a while.

She took care not to wander off too far from the camp. If she turned around, she could still see the fire. It was inviting, warm, with good food served around it. She wanted nothing more than to seek out Bofur, and just talk to him. Maybe just let him...cheer her up with his friendly manners. She was chocked that Bofur had spoken to Thorin about her. Thorin was no fool...It made her feel self-conscious whenever Bofur was around. They had Thorins blue eyes upon them. But...He couldn't be at several places at once, could he?

Celyn wondered if Bofur had been popular amongst the female dwarves in the Blue Mountains where he came from. Was this why Thorin was being so suspiscious? Had he ever laid with a woman? She didn't know much about dwarven coustoms when it came to courtship and marriage. Out of curiousity, Celyn reminded herself that she would ask him at the right moment. If it wasn't a well-kept secret, of course...

She certainly was happy that no one had asked her about men yet, though. Maybe they knew about the traditions of men. Maybe they knew about the importance of a girl being _pure_ once she married. But that ship had sailed a long time ago for Celyn. She was anything _but_ pure. She was tainted. She remembered her first one. She had only been fifteen at the time. He had been a few years older than her. He had promised to marry her...

_"Once we're married, no one will even care if you have already done it with me or not. After all, what could be the harm in it? We will lay together for the rest of our lives in any case. I love you so much, Celyn. Let me show just how much..."_

Celyn had been buttered up then. She had believed him. The prospect of someone loving her enough to promise to spend the rest of his life with her...That he would love and cherish her forever, for better or for worse. Always. It was an offer she couldn't refuse. _  
_

And, she had been very curious about the act itself...She had been feeling things when looking upon the guards of Laketown. Their broad shoulders...Their faces half-hidden beneath their helmets. It, gave them a sense of anonymity. Strong bodies hidden beneath blue clothing, chain mails and metal...The guards would always be polite to the people of the town they were guarding. Unless you had done something wrong in their masters eyes. Then they would be nothing but puppets of flesh and muscle.

They would nod at Celyn. By that age, she knew the impact her body could make on most males. She had developed early, and she couldn't help the self-satisfaction she felt when their eyes would linger on her. She knew how much a smile could mean. How much it could affect them. How it could crush someone. It gave her a sense of power that she soon began to love.

Later, she would hate it. Hate herself for having misused that power.

She never spoke of it to anyone. She had few friends, and you simply did not speak of those dark desires. You never confessed to liking that others _saw_ you. To watch others. Of the self-pleasuring at night. She would lay at home, in her bed of straw. Sometimes, it would be the boy who lived next door. Another, it would be one of the guards...Sometimes it would even be an elf, their exotic, slender bodies with milky skin mingling with hers. She would bite her lip to keep quiet as she imagined their hands on her body. Sometimes, more than just a pair of hands. Sometimes, there would be two pairs. They would worship her body in her mind, her own hands not being enough, make every touch burn and leave her breathless...In her mind,she would feel _loved._

If Celyn never had heard of such acts behind cupped hands or fans, she could easily have been led to believe that she was going mad. She knew this much; what she was feeling was wrong. It was wrong of her to touch herself. It was wrong of her to _want._

Then, long since she had lost her virginity, there had been all the men she wanted. Not wanted, but they wanted her services. And she had offered them, for the right price. Her body. It had been used anyway. Her precious gift was gone. Nothing she would do could give it back to her. No one would want a girl like her. She might as well use what already had been used. It didn't matter. Not back then.

And the boy she had lost his virginity to?

He died. Along with many others, Celyns mother included that horrible winter. Before that, he had broken Celyns heart. He had gone off and married someone else. A brown-haired, thin girl...Celyn even saw his and her child sometimes at the market. Celyn hadn't even been able to find the cruelty in her heart to find any satisfaction upon knowing he had passed on. Too many children had lost a parent or being left orphaned that winter. There was a time for self-satisfied feelings of revenge. That had not been the time.

She hoped that no one would remember her. That she was forgiven. It was not likely, but as a human, hope was the last thing that would ever leave her. She knew she should be crying beacuse of this - but what good would it do to cry? To ever do so?

She heard a sound closer to her. Like the quiet rustling of leaves. She whirled around to locate the source of the sound. It came from behind her.

"Who is that?!" she said loudly, blood beginning to roar in her ears again. She didn't care if the others by the fire could hear her call of distress. In fact, she welcomed that if it was goblins again. If she had been armed with her dagger she had gotten from Beorn, it would have been drawn by now. But stupid and careless as she was, she knew it remained by the fire. She had used it to cut up the meat for the stew. She cursed herself silently.

"It's just me." a voice called out from the darkness. The low, purring voice with its distinct accent and tone.

"Master Nori." she said with a somewhat relieved sigh. She felt how her heartbeat slowed down for a bit. Nori was still better than being captured by goblins again. If it happened again, Celyn knew she wouldn't be so lucky. One simply wasn't saved by dwarves two times in their life. She had been one of the lucky few.

She made an annoyed sigh. She knew Nori could hear her.

"This is the second time you sneak up on me." Celyn said. She had had enough of this game. A woman could only take so much staring and ambiguos behaviour. Sometime down the road, you simply had to tell them to back off.

"Sneaked up on you?" Nori said, his tone amused. "My my, darling. We must have very different opinions over what that word even means."

Celyn decided to ignore him.

"How long have you been standing there? And why aren't you with the others having supper?"

She didn't care in the slightest over how annoyed and rude she really sounded. She didn't like to be scared and sneaked up on.

"Same reason as yourself, I suppose." Nori said, not seemingly affected by her tone. In fact, he sounded like he smiled. "Nature was calling."

Celyn could not deny him the need to make water whenever he needed to, but it seemed as though it was a little too convenient while she had been out in the woods as well.

"Did I scare you?" he asked, tone low.

"As a matter of fact, you did." she said. "Most people just fetch me if they want something. It would be appreachiated if it wasn't in the middle of the woods in the darkness."

"Well, I'm sorry if I did, then." Nori said. "But there was something I wanted to talk to you about...The other day."

Celyn was almost blushing at the mentioning of it. Nori was not close to her, but they could hear each other whispering.

"I am not a prude, master Nori."

"I didn't say you were." Nori said. "But I didn't mean to scare you then either, that's all."

Celyn was shocked. This dwarf, who rarely spoke at all, now he was apologizing to her?

"You didn't." she said, softening her tone a bit. "I was just...Taken aback, that's all."

She could hear the faint rustling of leaves under Noris boots. He was moving quietly, like a fox, but even he couldn't silence the rustling of past autumns leaves.

"I haven't had a woman for a long time." he said, his voice closer to her, his tone confessional. "I forget myself sometimes. And...hope you don't think I'm too forward, but you're very pretty to look at."

"Thank you." she gasped, not knowing what else to say. Again, she felt the flattery making its way through her chest like a surge of energy.

"I know I can't be the only one to think so...But I hope we can start anew." he said. "I want to get along with you. I've noticed how close you're getting with Bofur, and he's my closest friend in the company."

Celyn nodded, but then realised that Nori probably couldn't see her nodding, so she hummed a yes in response.

"I really do as well." she said."I appreachiate that you chose to voice this. It was brave of you, and it was the honorable thing to do."

"I am nothing _but_ honorable, darling." Nori said. She could hear the grin in his voice.

"Keep it up, and I shall be willing to believe you." Celyn said with a teasing smirk in return, now feeling a little more at ease. "Shall we be heading back to the others?"

"Unless you want to...If we keep quiet..."

"No!"

"I was only jesting."

"I knew that."

When Nori and Celyn got out of the glade, supper was being served by the fire. Celyn quickly retieved her knife which lay in the grass by the fire, where she had left it. She sheathed it in her belt. She was going to keep it close to her in the future. There might be fouler things creeping up on her in the woods the next time. Then, she would be prepared.

"And where did you two go?" Bofur asked the couple as Celyn sat down next to the dwarf and Nori sat down on the other side of him.

"Just out for a night snog." Nori said. This nearly caused Celyn to choke on her stew.

"No! We weren't!" she said, her voice being several octaves higher now.

"Relax, darling." Nori said with a smile. "Only jesting, remember?"

Celyn looked over at Bofur. He seemed to be amused by the exchange, and she had heard him laugh. Her Bofur. Why did it matter so much to her if he got the joke or not? Somehow, it mattered.

"Just glad you weren't out in the woods by yourself, lass." Bofur said. "None of us should be, really, this close to the mountains."

"I know." she said. "But...I just needed a moment to myself, that's all."

It was good to be next to the fire once more. Gloín and Oín always did a good job when it came to them. Celyn knew they didn't like her. Oín had only spoken to her while looking at her cuts, scrapes and bruises from Goblin Town, he had been professional while examining her. But from his brother, she had heard nothing. She could feel how grumpy he was over having her with them. Or maybe that was just how he was?  
The atmosphere around the campfire was good, even though a bit tired. The company was too exhausted to engage in any deeper conversation. So the smaller groups limited themselves to quiet murmuring. It was a wise thing to do in any case, given the parts they were in.

"Bofur." she said after a short pause from talking. "I've been meaning to ask you this for a while. If it is not a well-kept secret, of course."

"Go ahead and ask." he said with an open smile. "Can't think of anything that would be a secret to you, lass."

"Nori told me that there are few women amongst you dwarves." she said. "Why is that?"

"Mahal knows why, lass." Bofur said with a wink. "Maybe it's because many women choose not to marry. Maybe they want somebody they can't have...Then it just doesn't matter to some of them."

"Oh." Celyn said. "What about you men then?"

"Hah." Bofur said. "It's always up to the women if they choose to marry or not. It is like that amongst us dwarves, lassie."

Celyn looked down into her bowl of stew. She admired a culture which held so much regard for the womens hearts desires.

"Lass, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...-"

"No need to apologise Bofur." she said. "You dwarves can count yourselves lucky..."

Nori watched them curiously, but just nodded with his beard full of food. Celyn had no idea if he knew about her past, but saw no need to conceal the subject in conversation. If Nori wanted to know, she would tell him. That went for the entire company. She decided to let it all pass.

"But tell me Bofur." Celyn said with a smile. "Do you have anybody special at home in the Blue Mountains?"

"Ugly bastard like him would be lucky if he got a sheep to marry him." Nori said with a laughter which served him a playful knuckle to the shoulder by his friend.

"Why?" Bofur said. "You afraid I would take yours away from ya?"

Celyn looked on, amused by the playful exchange between friends.

"Nah." Bofur said, turning towards her again. "It just never happened, you know? I was too busy working in the mine, and there was never anyone. And dwavish lasses doesn't exactly go for a dirty miner with holes in his pockets."

"That's true enough." Nori said, almost ready to lit up his pipe. Celyn wondered where he had put all of his dinner, and so fast. The dwarf was slimmer than most of his kinsmen in the company. What she found even stranger was that Bofur was alone. He was kind, he didn't look bad...He was the most thoughtful man she'd ever met. She couldn't help but to get a sense of relief at this information, though.

"Aye." Bofur said. "So let's just say I haven't been that lucky with the lasses...However there are so few amongst us that the women get to choose whomever they want. Us lads just kind of have to make do. Some of us are lucky, but most of us aren't."

"And how many of you are married?" Celyn asked. She couldn't imagine living in a society like that. Still, it sounded...refreshing.

"My brother has a wife and quite a lot of kids." Bofur said, his dimples deepening as he thought about all his nieces and nephews. "Fourteen last count, actually."

"F-Fourteen?" Celyn gasped, her eyes wide. "Oh, the poor woman..."

"Aye." Bofur said. "If I ever want children, I can just go over to my brothers house and borrow a couple. Probably wouldn't notice it."

Celyn giggled at the glint in his eye.

"Let's see..." Bofur said as he too finished his meal. Celyn wouldn't be done with hers for a long while. "I know that Gloín has a wife and a wee lad. Apparently, he wanted to come too, but he's just too young. Barely gotten rid of the fluff on his cheeks. But just don't ask him about it, lass, or we'll never hear the end of it. He loves to talk about his family."

"Right. I won't."

Maybe that would be the way to make conversation with the grumpy dwarf? Well, if Celyn ever found herself in a situation where she might need to, it might be a good start. But she agreed with Bofur. She didn't really feel like hearing about other peoples children. How they would talk about them with pride and love. How nothing else seemed to matter to them...It made her feel sad, thinking about it. That it could have been her, too, if things had played out differently.

"Other than that I think the rest of us lads are unattached." Bofur said as he leaned back. "A lot of bachelors here, lass, so just have your pick."

Celyn gave a laugh.

"For the moment, Bofur, I think I'm good."

"My brother is a virgin." Nori said, his head now surrounded by a cloud of smoke. "Maybe you could show him a thing or two."

"Nori!" Bofur said, this time with a sharp elbow to his side at the risqué direction the conversation was taking. He still found it as amusing as the next dwarf, but he didn't want some ears to hear them.

Celyn stifled a laugh. The two dwarves was actually rather entertaining to be around when they both engaged in the conversation, more or less.

"I hope your brother did not hear that." Celyn said. "He's been rather kind to me, and I wouldn't want to embarrass him."

"With the best of luck, lass." Bofur said. "Nobody heard us."

He knew that Thorin would be listening in on their conversations if he felt the need to do so. He could be wandering around the camp, lurking in the shadows and listening. Bofur had made a promise.

"Besides," Bofur continued. "Nori is the master of dirty jokes. Maybe that's because he hasn't had a lass in ages...Or maybe he's more like his brother than one would think..."

Nori shot him an angry glare underneath his bushy eyebrows.

"Allright, allright." Celyn said, cutting through the tension that had been playful at first. "Why should we care who had bedded someone and who hasn't? It should not define us."

Celyn felt a lump grow in her throat as she said it. It shouldn't matter, but to a woman, it clearly meant everything...

"You're damn right about that lass."

"I'm feeling a bit parched." Celyn said. "Do you have anything in your skin, Bofur?"

"I can get you something stronger if you want." he offered. Maybe that's why both he and Nori had been so chatty. A large keg of beer had been brought from Beorns house, and they had all helped themselves to several refills by now. Except for Celyn, who really didn't like the flavor of beer anyway.

"I really shouldn't..." Celyn said. "But allright then, just bring me a small one."

"A small one coming up for the lassie!"

Bofur went to fetch it for her, and she caught Nori with a smile tugging at the corner of his lips as he chewed on his pipe. His green eyes glinted like those of a fox.

"What is it?" she asked, now feeling more open towards the dwarf. She was in no mood to beat around any bush.

"Just for the record, darling..." he said and lowered his voice so that no one but Celyn could hear him. His smile and tone kept on being playful. "I'm not a virgin."

She rolled her eyes at the dwarf.

"Even if you would have been, it wouldn't have been any of my business." She said this before adding; "Though nothing ceases to surprise me anymore with you dwarves."

It wasn't long before Bofur once again plopped down between Nori and Celyn.

"So-" he said, handling Celyn her beer. "What have I missed?"

Bofur did really want Nori and Celyn to get along with each other. He spent a lot of time with Nori, and he liked Celyn. He was glad to see that the two of them spoke to each other. Celyn seemed to crawl out of her shell more and more, and Nori did more than just stare at the woman. Bofur knew that he didn't like humans that much. Apart from the usual dwarvish suspiciousness towards other races, Nori had had bad experiences with their sort.  
Even so, Celyn was different. She was decent for a human. She was well-mannered and hardworking.  
Bofur looked at her eyes, reflekting the fire. They were lighter, and no frown was born over them. Her face was relaxed and..beautiful. Her cheeks had gotten more full over the days.  
He liked the change he was beginning to see in her. Suddenly, he felt very warm. And it wasn't just because of the beer.

"Just the usual stuff." Nori said. Bofur handed Celyn her beer, and she noticed that Bofur had helped himself to more as he had gone for hers. She took a careful sip of the golden liquid. The taste was just as she had remembered it. Disgusting. Like liquid bread in her mouth. The taste of yeast. But obviously brewn by Beorn, Celyn quickly detected the taste of honey, which made it less unpleasant to drink. The warmth that spread through her body was very much welcomed. She dreaded the night. She knew that she might be cold if she didn't sleep close to the fire.

The face Celyn was making didn't go unnoticed to Bofur.

"You don't like beer?" he asked her, puzzled, as if it were a very unnatural thing.

"Haven't been drinking it for years." she answered. "I was always more for wine rather than beer."

"So you don't smoke or drink." Bofur said. "Believing in clean living, lass?"

"Not really, no." she said at his playful tone. "I believe there is a time for everything."

"What do you do when you want to _indulge_ then?" Nori asked. Celyn recognized the tone from underneath the pear tree in Beorns orchard. He was a bit more courageous now that they were joking. Bofur let it pass.

"What any woman do." she said, deciding to ignore him. "I eat good food, I sing, even dance from time to time..."

It had been ages since she last had a dance. She knew that Nori meant something else entirely. She was not stupid. She hadn't let herself indulge in pleasures of the flesh for many years. She had never done so with Halbar. It had been a duty, a nuisance. Something she had been forced to do from the beginning.

Celyn had been grateful for her husbands poor stamina. But still, he approached her too often for her liking. He used to come to bed, she would feign sleep. It wouldn't work. It never put him off, except for when she was bleeding. He would be disgusted by that. So she used it as an excuse on several occasions. Maybe one too many so even he became suspicious.

She remembered her younger years, when she had lost her virginity. It had been a pleasant experience, the act itself. Sometimes, on rare occasions, she had even found pleasure in the men that paid for her love. Especially if they came back more times and if they were gentle towards her. But how long ago had it been since she had been kissed? How many years? She had never kissed any of those men. They found no interest in that, and somehow, it felt like an act too intimate to share with any of them. Strange, considering that their bodies molted together with hers...Celyn quickly got disgusted by her trail of thoughts. The beer tasted too sourly in her mouth cavity.

"I hope to indulge in more pleasures when this is all over, Master Nori." she said. "There are few pleasures and luxuries when travelling in this manner."

"Aye." Nori agreed with her. "But sometimes you have to create your own pleasures."

Bofur watched Celyn with interest as Nori tormented her. That damn trickster! He should tell Nori to stop. Instead, Bofur found that he was blushing to himself. He thought about Celyn, alone underneath her blanket at night...Or had he been drinking too much again?

"Right about now," Celyn said, ignoring whatever teasing remark Nori was throwing at her. "the pleasure of a well-needed rest sounds good to me."

She got up on her feet, being helped by Bofur.

"You gonna go to bed now then, lass?" Bofur asked her. He was slightly dissapointed to be robbed of her company so soon. But Bofur noticed that many others than Celyn had begun to prepare for the night. They needed all the rest they could get before another day was dawning.

"Yes, I believe that there's time now." she said, looking into his eyes. They were standing close to each other. He was beautiful in the light from the fire. A mysterious creature with kind manners. So different from all the other men...

"Thank you for the company." she said and turned to go to the packs and fetch her bedroll.

"I'll come with you, lass." Bofur said. He accompanied her the short distance to the horses. Without the company and Nori with them, Celyn took a deep breath. She was glad to have Bofur to herself for a few moments. She felt soothed by his prescence.

"I'm glad that Nori has started to speak to me." she said, listening to Bofurs soft footsteps beside her in the soft grass.

"Oh, you gotta forgive him, lass." Bofur said. "He hasn't talked to a woman in so long that he forgot his manners."

Celyn gave a soft laugh.

"Bofur." she said. "I am a simple country girl. Not a princess or a lady. You needn't worry about if I take things the wrong way. Nori is just... I'm used to men like him. I actually find him rather entertaining. And you never cease to be able to lighten my mood either."

She spoke the last sentece with great warmth which set Bofurs heart fluttering.

"Anything for my lass." he said, quicky changing the subject. "Did Thorin speak to you?"

"He did." Celyn said as they found the pack she was looking for. "Thank you for speaking with him for me. I don't know if I could have managed to do so by myself."

Celyn thought back of the warning he had given her. About not enjoying Bofurs company too much. This saddened her. Surely, he must have told Bofur something similar. What was he thinking now, about the two of them wandering off together? Did he even notice? Surely he must have more important things on his mind...

"Of course." Bofur said. "I told him what you told me. I understand you didn't want to tell him yourself. Are you gonna be all right tonight? You're not gonna be cold, are you?"

He made out her thinly clothed body in the pale light. Being in so many layers of clothing himself, he knew she must be cold.

"Oh, I don't think so." Celyn lied. Of course Bofur must have understood that she was cold. She was expected to lay on her bedroll in trousers, a tunic and thin boots. Any sane person knew she would get cold. She already was, if she was to be honest.

In the faint light, she could see Bofur rumaging throught his own pack and produce a bundle of clothing.

"Liar." he said. "Take this."

He pressed the bundle to her chest. She took it.

Celyn unravelled the cloth and noticed that it was thick wool fabric and had a glasp on it. A cape.

"Oh Bofur I couldn't..." she said, though she wanted to hug him out of gratefulness. "I don't want to take away your clothes from you in case you got cold."

"Lass." he said, gripping her shoulders firmly and looking her in the eyes. "Don't worry about me. Worry about yourself. I'm a dwarf. I'm used to the cold in the mountains. And I hadly ever use it anyways. Just take it for the night so I know you'll be better off than now."

She smiled as she felt his strong gloved hand upon her. She looked down on his kind features.

"All right." she said. "Thank you."

She thought nothing of it, it was quick. But she reached up between his strong, muscular shoulders with her free hand and pulled his body close to her own. She could smell him. The smoke from the tobacco he was smoking. She was taller than him, and her jawline connected with his upper cheek which was free from whiskers. His skin was so warm...His entire being was so warm. It was when Celyn noted his hands on her shoulders from behind that she came to the realisation that they were embracing.  
She didn't pull away at once. She took the fraction of a second to push her body up to his. She felt how stocky and strongly built he truly was before pulling away with a smile.

"You're welcome lass." Bofur said, his voice happy. They had hugged. This was the first time they ever had done so. And it was Celyn who had done it. She had hugged him. It made him glad that she was comfortable enough to show him that act of affection.

_Move on. Quickly._

"If the coat isn't enough, just wake me up and we'll sort something out, all right?"

Celyn nodded a thank you. She had no intention of waking Bofur up this night as well. He had done too much for her already.

With that, the pair started to walk back to the campfire. They both made sure to place their bedrolls next to each other, even if none of them said this out loudly. Now, away from the comforts of a home with a roof and shelter, Celyn wanted to have him close to her.

* * *

Nori hadn't been sleeping as much as he might have needed to. It was still pitch dark as he woke up and staggered to his feet. The entire company was sleeping, but he guessed they might be sleeping lightly.

He carefully approached his older brother at the edge of the camp. The old fool had his cloak up and could barely be seen through the dark. Nori used his light feet and stealth to earned a loud yelp from his brother as he pat him on the shoulder.

"For Mahal's sake Nori!" Dori swore angrily as he glared up into his brothers amused face. "What have I told you about sneaking up on me like that?"

"Sleeping like a horse, are we?"

"Not at all." his brother denied with a pout. "You just gave me the fright, that's all. No one could sleep on their watch this close to the mountains. And why are you up? Usually I'm the one who have to come and fetch you when you relieve me of watch duty."

"What of it?" Nori said, annoyed. There was always something with his brother. Always some kind of complaint or questioning. "Can't a dwarf do something differently from time to time?"

Dori gave a sigh as he got up from his seat. His backside was aching, and his body longed to lay down on his bedroll. But he longed for a nice soft bed even more. Nori quickly took the spot where Dori had been sitting, the ground warmed up by his brothers buttocks. With that, Nori indicated that the conversation was over.

"Nori, if you're awake because of something else than the goblins..." Dori said. It was his way of offering Nori to talk to him if there was something bothering him. He had noticed a subtle change in his brother, and he was not sure it was for the better.

"I hate it when you do this." Nori said. "Just go to bed already will you?"

"Fine." Dori said, not even bothering to conceal the annoyance in his voice. "You go ahead and be like that, but you better be on your guard. Don't let your thoughts drift anywhere."

With that, Nori could hear his brother stomp away. His brows was tightly knitted together in a glare after him. He hated that his brother and him didn't always see eye to eye. He wanted to be able to talk to Dori, he really did. But where did you start after so many years? Where would you even begin? He mocked his older brother for being too soft, for mothering Ori, for everything...Dori had never approved of Noris lifestyle, had always some complaint to throw at him.. They really had gotten off to a bad start. He remembered being pushed out by their mother. He remembered how much he had begun to loathe his mother, and even Dori. He had always been their mothers favourite, and Nori could see more and more of her in Dori.

They all might have been patient with him. Maybe he should give them more credit for it. He had come home many times, accompanied by the guards, too young to earn the right sentence. There had been warning upon warning upon warning...

_"Yer lad is mingling with wrong sort. He keeps this up he'll be hanging by his neck..."_

His mothers dissapointment and anger with him...Doris dissapointment...Ori, too young to even understand...

Nori scoffed to himself. He had never been a great thinker. It was more of his scholared brothers area. But when those bitter thoughts came back to him, it made him think even more. He had hopes for the future, he really did. Once they had recalimed Erebor, and if the legends about the size of the treasure was true, he would never have to steal another day in his life. He could live comfortably. He could settle down wherever he wished. Along with his brothers... Alone...

Well, Nori certainly was more used to the latter by now. He had been alone for so long. It was strange really to be out, traveling with all these fellow dwarrows and his brothers. He looked over at the company. His brother was on his bedroll, facing away from him. Only Mahal knew if he really was sleeping or feigning it. Maybe he should apologize, but when had he ever done that, really? Why start now?

Well, he had, to Celyn. It had been the closest thing to an apology in a long time. Did he mean it? Yes, he wanted for them to get along. He wanted her to like him. He didn't want to see fear in her eyes...Instead, Nori remembered her face by the fire, her hair like finely spun gold in the firelight. His eyes went from his brother to her. Her face was turned towards him. He used his keen eyesight to make out her features. The blanket was pulled up over her neck, so he only saw her face. A shame, really.

Her beautiful hair framed her face as she lay there, sleeping, her thick eyelashes fluttering as she slept... If he only could earn a lock of her hair. He would cherish it, he would encase it in beautiful crystal and keep it as a talisman. An ode to his awe of her. His lust. It kept reminding itself. He shouldn't have been talking to her. He should just ignore her. He shouldn't be thinking like this about someone like her. He should be alone...

He could make out Bofurs silhouette close to her bedroll. They were sleeping next to each other. Everyone liked Bofur, even Nori. He was easy to get along with. He was always there for Nori. He never judged him. He was the one he got along with the best in the company, save for his younger brother. It was no wonder that Celyn liked him, too. He made her at ease.

It was hard to find any kind of privacy from the rest of the company. Nori knew that. He was still rather young. He still had a lot of stamina. Pent up needs and lusts. He took a long, final look at Celyns face. At her hair. It would be so soft to touch it. He had already done so. A small lock of that hair, slick and soft under his touch. He could only imagine burrowing his face into her locks and smell her once again...He used his memory to imprint an image of her in his mind. He altered it to his own needs. He didn't want her sleeping. Nori wanted her awake. In his minds eye she were. Fully alert. Fully loving him, eyes full of lust and adoration for him...

He groaned as he turned around from the rest of the company. He had already unfastened his breeches with slightly shaky hands. They seemed to live a life of their own. He was always so steady on his hands. It came with his trade. He needed to have steady hands. What was happening to him? Why did this disgusting human have such an effect on him? Was it even her doing in the first place?

He let a choked hiss escape his lips as his hot fingers connected with his even hotter skin. It was always something about that first touch. The initial plunge into a lovers body. His skin was over-sensitive from having waiting for too long to do this to himself. He wouldn't be long. Jaws slightly clenched, he stretched his fingers over his own girth. He was so hard.

It was like a trap had been strung. If any of the others would find him like this, he would surely be punished for it. Dori would be so ashamed of him. For doing this on guard-duty. But Nori couldn't think about Dori at the moment. To be fair, he could have waited. He could have done it underneath his blanket, or in the woods, but he did it now. His mind was clouded with desire, and not even a night raid by goblins and orcs could keep him from _getting there...  
_ He needed this. Now.

Every touch was an awakening. Nori hadn't felt this _needy_ in a long time. For a second, he imagined Celyn, that it was her fingers around him. That it was her, smiling up at him in the way she used to smile at Bofur...She would kiss him with those beautifully shaped, rose quartz pink lips.

Nori could feel the pleasure pool in his stomach, and he pumped himself more urgently. He was leaking pearly, warm fluid. He felt how the sweetness went through him in sweet, golden waves, pinpointing itself through his front...His entire body spasmed, and his joints locked as he spilled his seed on the grass in front of him, his manhood pulsing in his palm like a beating heart. He threw his head back, eyes closed, a wolf howling silently at the moon. Nori limited himself to a quiet gasp, mouthing just one word, over and over again;

_Celyn. Celyn. Celyn..._


	9. So I stayed in the darkness with you

When Celyn woke up along with the sun the next morning, she was quick to notice one thing; She wasn't alone. Having gone to bed with plenty of space on both her sides, she now noticed that she was pressed aganist another body. Not exactly pressed, but very close. She must have been seeking out the others warmth during the night as she slept.

It was no other than Bofur, of course. She was nose to nose with him. Celyn took a moment to study his sleeping face. Besides looking as adorable as ever, he had his mouth slightly open and was breathing heavily and regularly. He had removed his hat, and his braids looked as though they were about to come undone if he moved even the slightest. He had beautiful hair, Bofur. Chestnut brown. It looked to be shining with copper and fire when catching the morning light. Celyn couldn't spot a single grey hair in his hair or beard. She realized she never had asked him of how old he was...How old were dwarves really capable of getting? If Thorin had been around when Smaug had attacked Erebor, he had to be quite old, didn't he? But to Celyns eyes, the dwarf looked to be in his early forties, had he only been a human.

Upon realizing the how close they were, Celyn quickly tried to put distance between them. She then felt that her hand was entwined with his. He held her hand in a firm, warm grip. A baby clutching on to her it his sleep. Celyn knew she should let go, but she didn't want to, really. She was warmed by his touch. She couldn't bring herself to let go straight away. But she knew she mustn't have been the first to wake up this morning, though she couldn't hear any of the usual morning activities taking place in a camp.

As she finally willed herself to let go of Bofurs hand and move away from the dwarf, Celyn noticed that he was waking up at the loss of her touch. He stirred a bit, then he opened his eyes. Dark green pools with specks of copper was looking back at her in initial surprise. Then, his expression softened, and his face lit up with a smile.

There it was, that smile that she couldn't help but to mirror each time she saw it.

"Hiya." he whispered softly to her.

"Good morning." Celyn said, on her elbows now, still looking at him. His smile was like the sun, quickly on the rise amongst the treetops. Celyn quickly pushed away a sudden urge to go back to him and steal his warmth. Instead, she sat up on her bedroll. It appeared that she had been one of the first to wake up that morning, after all. The fire was still burning, and she felt refreshed as she kicked away her blanket. She noticed that she was wrapped up in the cape that Bofur had borrowed her yesterday. It had almost done the trick at keeping her warm. But apparantly, it still hadn't been enough to fight off the cold.

"And a fine morning it is." Bofur said as he rolled over onto his back and gazed at the clear sky which was turning a lighter shade of blue. It took longer for the sun to rise now. The days were growing shorter and darkness fell sooner than before.

"Yes." Celyn agreed. "Yes it is. A fine day to spend out in the open."

Bofur rolled over to face her again. She looked so beautiful in the morning light. Her hair was a bit unruly. He had a thought that made him blush. A thought about how her hair would look disheveled other than from just sleeping out in the open.

He wanted to groan. He pushed away those thoughts. He had always been active in the mornings when it came to these matters.

Still, he reached over to stroak hair from her face. Celyn only flinched with her eyes, but soon relaxed into the brief touch.

"Looks like you're healing up well, lass." he said as he studied her face. He ran the pads of his fingers over a hint of yellow over her left cheek. "You're not black and blue anymore."

"I know. Thank you." Celyn gasped. "It feels a lot less stiff now when I smile."

"You'll be as good as new soon." he said as he gave her another warm smile. "Hope it will help you smile more. I like it when you do it."

"Then I shall do it for you." Celyn said, soon demonstrating a smile to him. She fought back the urge to lay back down once more.

The morning dawned bright and fair again. There was an autumn-like mist white upon the ground and the air was chill, but soon the sun rose red in the East and the mists vanished, and while the shadows were still long they were off again after having a small breakfast.

Celyn was not very keen to get up on the horseback for another day, but she made no complaint other than to herself. She knew that the dwarves didn't need to hear it. She had never been much for complaining anyway. She would simply have to make do.

The company rode until the sun was standing high in the sky. They were all grateful when Thorin decided to let them stop for a rest. No food was cooked, they would eat a bit of their dry supplies. They only needed to rest their saddle-sore bottoms and regain a bit of strength.

"Celyn!"

She turned around to see Fíli standing there over her.

"Yes, Master Fíli?" she asked the beautiful young dwarf. "What can I do for you?"

"How about you get your bow and join me and Kíli for some more training?"

Celyn lit up. She had wanted to ask the two brothers for some more guidance when it came to defending herself, but she really hadn't wanted to get in the way or take up precious time from them. Now that they were offering to learn her about it freely, she couldn't refuse despite her fatigue.

"Thank you." she said and went to retrieve her bow and arrows. "I need all the training I can get."

Bofur looked up at her as she moved from her seat beside him. He was smoking with Nori in the familiar fashion.

"She's gonna be a fine bowman, that one." he said to Nori. They both watched as she took instructions from Fíli and Kíli.

"Aye." Nori said, his face clouded in smoke. "Soon you'll need to watch it. Don't get her crossed."

Bofur chuckled at that.

"Likewise." he said, sucking in another breath of fragrant tobacco from his pipe.

Celyn enjoyed spending time with the young princes. It made her feel young. It made her feel her age. At one point, after Fíli had made another joke, Celyn let her tongue slip.

"You are funny, Fíli." she said, pausing. "You remind me of my brother."

"You have a brother?" Fíli said and straightened his back. "Well, then he must be very handsome, wise and strong lad."

"Actually, my brother is dead."

The two brothers said nothing. Suddenly, Celyn felt like an oliphant who had crashed straight into a merry gathering. It was so typical her! No matter how hard she tried she always found ways to slip in social situations.

Fíli was still young. Neither he or his younger brother had much experience with females and talking to them about these sort of things.

"We lost our father when we were young." Fíli continued, to let Celyn know she wasn't alone in her sorrow. "He was at the battle of Moria with uncle. I know how it feels, I'm sorry."

Celyn waved her hand dismissevly and looked down with shame etched upon her face. She pushed her face into a stiff smile at the two young dwarves.

"No, I'm the one who is sorry." she said. "It was a poor time to bring it up."

"But what happened to him then?" Kíli suddenly asked. He had a frown upon his beautiful, young face. He could never imagine loosing his own brother, it had been bad enough to lose his father, even though he didn't remember much of him. But Fíli and he had never been apart since the day they were born, basically.

"He got sick." Celyn said, not very keen to talk about Celéon. "He perished along with my mother in a fever."

She remembered it all. It was not the way she wanted to remember her brother. She hadn't been lying when she said that Fíli reminded her of him. He had been strong, charming, hair like spun gold, lighter than Fílis. All the girls had wanted him, and all the younger boys had looked up to him. He would sometimes get a little cocky, and then Celyn would try to bring him down, back on the ground with her sisterly sterness. He had needed that sometimes.

But when the time was needed, he would also act like a grown man. He would protect her, if anyone ever had been cruel to her.

_"If you love me, sister you needn't lie to me..." he had said, lying in his bed, fever raging in his young, strong body. He had lost weight during the past days, not being able to keep his food down properly._

_"Just tell me the truth!"_

_"What does it matter if its true or not?" she had snapped unfairly. "You will only tell father!"_

_"Yes, damn right I will," he said, his pale face stubborn. "If it means protecting you."_

"So that's why you were so determined to get back home?" Fíli said.

"Yes. I suppose so." she said. The young princes might have heard about some things from their uncle.  
"I only have my father now and a few relatives back in Laketown."

They did not speak more of the matter. They tried to get back to the previous playful tone, but didn't suceed until Thorin called out to them and announced that it was time to get moving again.

* * *

Celyn had been riding alongside Bofur and Nori the entire day, even after they continued from their stop, listening to their stories and letting herself be entertained by them. Even without the aid of alcohol to loosen their minds, they still were funny to spend her riding with.

Sometimes, Ori joined them. He wanted to be close to his brother. Celyn liked Ori. He might have been shy and timid, but she knew that he had a good heart. He was not like his older brother. He was so much quieter.

"...And then Bilbo said 'Not that one, he's infected!'"

It was Bofur who retold the tale of the companys traveling before they had stumbled upon Celyn. She listened with interest.

"Infected?" she asked, voice laced with laughter. "With what?"

"Worms!" Bofur said, smiling at the memory. "Oh, we were very close to getting roasted by those trolls, lass! Both me and Nori and a couple of the other lads were tied to the spit, you see, and kept on spinning over the fire in just our underclothes."

Nori made a agreeable sound. He remembered it too well. Like most creatures in Middle Earth, he hated trolls.

"Made us fairly sick too with the bloody spinning. Had this ones head between my legs." Nori said, motioning to Bofur. "Something I wouldn't like to repeat any time soon."

"I know you want it, Nori." Bofur said, blinking at the other dwarf in mischief. "In your dreams, I say."

They all laughed.

"So Master Baggins were really the hero of that day then, was he?" Celyn said. Bofur was really good at capturing her with his stories.

"Aye." Bofur said. "Of course, before we knew what was going on, some of the lads got crossed with him because of the whole parasites-thing. But yes, he bought us some time in order for master Gandalf to come and finish the job. Now, three ugly troll statues are sitting in that glade, probably to the end of time."

Celyn smiled. She knew that the dwarf had a soft spot for the well-mannered hobbit. Celyn was no stranger to their folk. She had met several of them in Bree. But she had never pegged their sort for being travelers and adventurers. He really seemed out of place, Bilbo. But not so much as Celyn, being a human and a female. She knew that most people would raise their eyebrows at the strange traveling companions she kept herself with. Or that they kept her along with them.

"He really seems to be good to have in a tight spot, then." she said, looking over at the hobbit who rode next to Gandalf, out of hearing range.

Both Bofur and Nori agreed at this. Bilbo had won all of their respect. Even Thorins. And he wasn't easy to win over in any circumstances.

Another day was over and done with. Darkness was falling, and no more traveling could be done that day for the company. Another day, and they would reach the edge of Mirkwood. Celyn could not wait. But she wondered what she dreaded more. Sitting on a horse back with the same tiredless rocking. Or walking through the woods...If it really was so bad as the others described it, she would choose the horseback any day.

Thorin couldn't have announced that they were stopping any sooner. They stopped in a similar place that they had the evening before. Even if the landscape looked quite the same to Celyns eyes, and she felt it hadn't changed, she now noticed that there were more bushes and weeds, like small islands in the middle of the vast, green plain. Still, the landscape was flat enough in order for them to see any wandereres long in advance.

Soon, the process from the evening before was repeated as well. The company cooked food. Celyn helped Bombur like the previous night. They proved to be a good team in the makeshift kitchen. They didn't speak. Bofur sat next to them, engaged in conversation with both Celyn and his brother.

Beer was consumed along with the food. The atmosphere was merrier than the night before. The company was getting used to life on the road again. They had to make do as it was.

"Can I get you a small one tonight as well?" Bofur asked as they all had sat down with their bowls of stew. This was almost identical to the night before as well. Any more days like this, and Celyn would start to feel as though she was living her life in a neverending circle. The dwarves might be used to a life on the road, but she certainly wasn't.

She comtemplated the offer, then nodded with a smile.

"Yes." she said. "Maybe even a smaller one."

"Maybe I can teach you to drink properly lass?" Bofur said with a cheeky grin. His cheeks had a beautiful red tone to them. Celyn could almost see how warm his body and being was in the chill of the night.

"Before this is all over, you'll be drinking like one of us."

Celyn gave a laugh.

"Unless we run out of beer first. At the rate you're all going, I think it will be sooner rather than later."

Nori and Celyn were left alone again. The three sat together, like the night before. She never could think of anything to say in front of the dwarf. They had gotten off to a bad start...Then, the thing he said surprised her. He spoke in a low voice. His voice was so soft for a dwarf. Softer than most of the others in the company.

"I could show you a couple of moves if you like."

His eyes gleamed in the firelight as he leaned over Celyn to speak.

"Moves?" Celyn asked. Why did this dwarf seem uncapable of speaking out directly? Maybe he was teasing her again?

"With the dagger, darling." Nori said. "You did get one from the skin-changer, didn't you?"

"Yes, I did." she said, looking down at the weapon that was attached to her belt. She still wasn't quite used to it. To be honest, the sharp edge of the large dagger scared her a bit. Sure, she could use it in daily tasks, but when she tried the thought of having to use it to defend herself, to pierce someones flesh with it to cause harm, she got nervous.

"Then you shouldn't just use it to carve up meat." Nori said, referring to her cooking. "You should learn how to use it properly, before you won't have a choice. I can show you how."

"I would like that. Better now that being taken by surprise." Celyn found herself saying. She had noticed that Nori carried around two visible daggers. It must be his weapon of choice. It made sense with his background that Celyn was yet to hear Nori speak of himself.

"Can I see one of yours?" she asked, gesturing at his lower back where he kept them.

Nori shifted and unsheathed one. It had an odd design to Celyn. Instead of being straight, it was crooked. It was long and had a simple wood handle covered in leather. He handed it to her, handle first.

She took the dagger. It had a nice, well-balanced weight to it. It was sharp. The steel was strong, probably forged in multiple layers of steel. Courtesy of the dwarven smiths handiwork.

"Do you feel safe with only this on you?" she asked. "All of the others seems so heavily armed to me, but you only have these two and your staff?"

Nori gave a laugh.

"It's not a matter of what you got, it's how you use it. Besides, you should see my brother." he said. "All he has is a slingshot. I tried to learn him how to fight, but Dori doesn't think he needs it. Think he can just bring out one of his books and smash the orcs in the head with it."

"Not very effective, I take it." Celyn said with a smile which the dwarf returned.

Nori continued;

"But, besides my staff, I have plenty of other knives, on different parts of my body. The element of surprise is important in battle."

He sounded so secure of himself. Celyn tried to imagine all the other knives and daggers that Nori spoke of. Sure, he could hide a lot of things in all those layers of clothing, all Celyn could think of was where he could be hiding them.

"All right. When can we begin then?" she asked, handing the dagger back to its owner.

"How about we eat first. And you drink your beer. You need to be relaxed when you learn these sort of things."

"Very well." Celyn said, a bit uneasy about practicing in the mere dark with Nori. She would struggle with her beer. "But shouldn't it be better if you showed me in daylight?"

"Maybe." Nori said slowly. "But most of these things won't happen in daylight. Darkness for dark deeds. The orcs can see in darkness, that's when they're up and about. And they won't play fair, you know."

"Yes." Celyn said, looking down into her bowl of stew. "I know they don't..."

"What _exactly_ happened when you got caught?" Nori asked. Celyn was taken aback at his seemingly genuine interest in her fate.

"It was dark." she said. "I had been walking for the entire day. It had been long since I got to sleep in a proper bed then. I really had to eat small meals in order to make my food supply last. I didn't have any strength left to speak of, and I was so cold...It had been raining as well. Sideways. I was soaked to the skin. I felt like I had to light a fire to try and get warm and dry. And...It almost became the death of me, as you well know."

She expected Nori to tell her how foolish and careless she had been. He came across as a dwarf who was well-travelled and who wasn't afraid to speak his mind. While he hadn't the knowledge of a scholar, like his brother, he did seem to be clever in the way that only comes with experience. It was not something you could read your way to in any books.

Still, nothing came out of Nori. He simply nodded and hummed at her words, urging her to continue.

"I heard the noises. They weren't far away when they came. The light from the fire blinded me, and I almost had fallen asleep. I froze. I was so afraid that I just couldn't move. I barely had the time or wits to draw my dagger. Then they came. They were the most horrific, ugly beings I had ever seen. I don't ever think I will again, either."

"They sure are ugly." Nori muttered in sympathy and agreement.

"Well...I thought they were going to kill me right then and there. That they would use the fire I had lit to cook my flesh on. Now I know that the saying about them actually are true as well...I don't want to think about it."

Nori winced. He knew about the goblins. He knew that they wouldn't hesitate to eat anything _.  
_ That didn't only go for beasts, but intelligent creatures as well. He knew that they favoured man flesh whenever they could get their hands upon it.

"They were vicious. They...I didn't know I could take so many beatings without dying. Maybe it's no short of a miracle that I didn't."

"One is always stronger than one would think. You just have to find out how strong you are."

"Well." she said. "I would hade liked to find out any other way. But I'm here now. Still here."

"And I'm glad you are."

Celyn noticed then that Bofur was standing next to the pair, tankards of beer in his hands. He had a frown upon his face. He clearly had been listening to Celyns story. She locked eyes with him. Her beautiful, caring Bofur. But Celyn was determined not to spoil whatever good mood the evening held in its wake. It wasn't long before she smiled at him. A smile which she hoped would be equally reassuring and joyful.

"You all right lass?" he asked as he handed her the tankard. Celyn felt the weight of the beer in it. Obviously, she and Bofur had different opinions of what _small_ actually meant.

"Quite all right, Bofur." she said as he placed himself next to her once more. She felt protected and content having him on one side and Nori on the other.

"I was just telling Nori about...The time I got captured."

"I heard." Bofur said. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." she said, smiling sweetly at him. She couldn't do it tonight. She couldn't give in to being a victim.  
"Think of it. If I hadn't been in that cell and you hadn't passed in the exact right moment, I wouldn't be here now. And I never would have met any of you."

"Aye," Bofur said, and couldn't help but to smile back at her. Her smile was shooting sparks through him. "but the circumstances could have been a lot better."

"If there's one thing I learnt it's this;" she said and poised her tankard to meet with his. "You can't have everything, and nothing is ever perfect. If something good comes from bad experiences, I can only see it as a gift."

"Well said." he said and there was the faint sound of their tankards meeting. Nori joined them.

After they all had had a generous amount of beer Celyn spoke again:

"I do not know if you heard us," she said. "But after we're done here, Nori is going to teach me how to use my dagger."

"Ooh," Bofur said, looking at the other dwarf. A look that was hard to read. "You're gonna become quite the warrior soon, lass."

"Men like Dwalin are warriors, Bofur." Celyn said as she blushed. "I'm just trying to learn how to defend myself. What good is a weapon if you don't know how to use it?"

"That's right." Nori said. "Dwalin might be a fine warrior, darling. He's all heavy armor and big war hammer. But I'm the best at close combat. I'm very quick."

"Quick in other areas, too, hmm?" Bofur teased. "Maybe a little too quick for the lasses, eh?"

Celyn laughed with Bofur. She couldn't help it, but she put a reassuring hand on Noris shoulder in assurance that she and Bofur only was jesting with him. A small smile crept up into Noris face then, barely visible through the fur on his face.

* * *

"First off." Nori said, his voice low and dangerous to Celyns ears in the darkness. "You need to use your ears."

"How can I not?" Celyn said, still squinting in the darkness in order to see him. "I could barely make out my hand in front of my face if I tried."

"Aye." Nori said. "And the goblins will see you just as clear as daylight. But goblins and orcs won't always be quiet."

Nori oinked sharply which almost made Celyn jump out of her skin. He sounded distictly like a goblin.

"That's right." he said. "Away from their caves and holes they won't be as quiet. They might not be familiar with their surroundings. They always get scared. But they will still be able to ambush you."

Celyn gasped as she felt his hand land upon her shoulder softly. She knew that he had been close, but not that close. He made her face him.

"So." he said, pulling away sharply. Celyn could hear the faint sound of his clothes in movement. "I'm coming at you with a dagger in my hand. Straight on. What do you do?"

"I...I try and attack you back?" Celyn tried, not feeling overly confident about this. "Or...I'll try to escape? I'll run?"

"What if I'm faster?" Nori said, his tone teasing. "And besides, it's like running from a bear or wolves. They will be able to smell the fear on you. It'll only trigger them."

Celyn didn't answer.

"You won't have time to pull your own weapon. Try and disarm me, or at least counterattack me."

Celyn gaped at that.

"I won't hurt you." Nori said. "Don't worry. Its sheathed."

She was surprised as he took a hold of her hand, guiding it to his other. She felt the leather of the sheated blade, resting in Noris right hand.

"See?" he said, his tone a calm quality to it. Much more so than Celyn had heard him before. It was very obvious that the dwarf was in his rightful element and that he was proud of his knowledge that he was sharing freely with Celyn.

"Yes." she said as she slid her hand away from his warm one.

Celyn tried to get a feeling of where Nori was. She struck out with her flat palm. She hit nothing but air, stumbled and almost making her fall flat on her face. She must have looked so stupid.

"You moved!" she cried out in surprise. There had been no tell-tale sounds to Celyn that he had done so.

The thief snickered, it was coming from behind her. Celyn was glad that they were only practising. She would not have wanted to meet someone like Nori to get robbed or worse.

"That's what they will do when you try to attack them, darling." he said, his voice laced with amusement. "But I won't, the next time. Turn around and face me."

She did as he said, guessing that Nori was at arms length distance from her. If she tried really hard, she could make out his silhouette with its three-peaked hair.

"I got my dagger at you. Try and disarm me again."

Celyn stiked out again, and hit his shoulder to begin with. Then, she finally reached his arm and his forearm. It was clumsily and pathetic as she turned his arm away. She sighed in frustration.

"Not bad." Nori said. "But you want to move the dagger away from you. Get my arms away from my chest. Then you can attack me from the inside, when I'm open."

Suddenly, he grabbed her wrist with his free hand and put it on his chest. Celyn gasped at the feel of his firm body and being under her palm.

"See? I have my knife in the other hand, and you can get to me with yours. I'm unprotected, and if you keep your weapon in a good place, you'll have time to get it out and get me."

"I understand." Celyn said once she had found her voice again. The prospect of Nori getting pierced by a knife was making her uncomfortable. She took her hand away from Noris body and let go of his wrist, to put some distance between them. She hadn't forgotten his look and innuendos underneath the pear tree. Even though he wasn't as badly behaved as back then, he still could have those desires.

"Now, let's see." Nori said, contemplating to where they would go next. "What if I come for you from behind then? Turn around."

Celyn reluctantly did as instructed.

It was quiet for a while, until she was caught by surprise by Nori who much to his promise came up from behind. She felt the hard bluntness of the sheathed dagger aganist her throat. He didn't push hard at all, obviously in control of his motions. But it was still enough to cause a brief moment of panic in Celyn and cause her to kick him in the shin instinctively.

She heard a groan behind her and Nori immideately let go of her. He groaned, not only becase she kicked him. (Not that it had hurt that much with the lack of a proper boot.) but also because he had only gotten one breif breath of her míthril hair again. She still smelled of lavender soap, but her own smell was beginning to take over more and more. He was beginning to feel ashamed of himself.

"Oh Master Nori!" Celyn exclaimed, fumbling after him in the darkness, finally finding his shoulders. "I'm so sorry! Are you all right?"

Nori was touched, but also slightly amused by her concern. He smiled to himself. Even though it had subsided now, he had actually been feeling a little guilty...About what he did on his watch the night before whilst thinking about her. He might have deserved a few more kicks. He just hoped to Mahal that no one had been awake to hear or see him.

"I'm fine darling." he said as he felt her hands on his shoulders, feigning discomfort. "You did the right thing without me even having to tell you."

"I did?"

"Aye. I let go of you, didn't I?"

Celyn chuckled at him as she ran smooth circles over both his shoulders.

* * *

It was very much like the day before. Celyn had gone to fetch her sleeping roll, and Bofur caught her in the midst of it, happy to get some time alone with her again.

"Who is that?" she asked, maybe a little too sharply.

"Easy." he said, treading softly in the soft grass. "Just old Bofur, lass. As usual. At your service."

Celyn breathed a sigh of relief.

"Sorry Bofur." she said. "I did not mean to sound so rude. But I suppose I am a little startled by the dark now. I'm getting used to it again though. Nori has taught me a lot of things I can use if I ever find myself in a tricky spot."

"I heard." Bofur said, now standing right next to her. Celyn could feel his prescense beside her as he doubled over the bags, scrambling in the darkness. "I'm glad the two of you get along. He hasn't tried anything stupid, has he?"

As jokingly as the question was asked, she took it seriously.

"I can handle him, Bofur. Like I said, if he does, he's just being a child."

She felt in a teasing mood, which might have been why she asked;

"Why Bofur? Are you jealous?"

"I...uh...You slept well tonight, didn't you?" Bofur said, quickly changing the subject, a mature edge to his tone. "You didn't have any nightmares, did you lass?"

"I slept fine, thank you." she said, amused by his reaction. "I was spared. Thank you for letting me borrow your coat."

"It's nothing lass." Bofur said, and Celyn felt a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "But I want you to keep it for as long as we sleep outside. It will hardly get warmer, you know?"

"No, I know. The days are getting shorter, darker and colder."

Suddenly, Celyn felt how the dwarf shuffled. It wasn't long before she felt something being wrapped around the back of her neck, and that Bofur was incredibly close to her.

"What are you doing?" she asked, instinct hitting her again. A woman being strangled by someone she trusted wasn't unheard of after all.

"Sorry, lass." Bofur said, trying not to be put off by her tone. After all, he knew she had her reasons. "But I just wanted to give you this."

Celyn reached up to her neck and felt the strip of wool under her fingers.

"Your scarf." she stated. "Bofur, if you keep this up, you won't have any clothes left by the time we reach Laketown."

"Well..." Bofur said, wrapping the knitted wool around her neck in several layers. "You can always give them back once we get there. But you know me...I've always preferred to walk around in the nude whenever I can. But I'm keeping my hat on. The rest can go. Maybe I'll keep my boots on as well."

Celyn laughed.

"I bet the townspeople would love to see that."

"They would, wouldn't they?" Bofur laughed along with her.

"Of course." she said. "A naked dwarf in Laketown! They are all living such a dull life that it would get them something to talk about for years!"

Celyn could smell a faint veil of alcohol on his breath as he laughed. Not unpleasant like the stinking and reeking her husband would display as he would spit in her face, but just enough for Celyn to detect. Mixed with Bofurs own scents, it had a homely quality about it. She could almost imagine him in a home with someone special, coming to her by the fireplace, his breath sweet and his words even sweeter. His mouth would be cool from returning from outside...

"But thank you." she said, looking him in the eyes as they stopped laughing. "It's lovely."

She did something she hadn't dreamt of doing. She gave him a quick peck on the cheek. It was so close, basically begging for it. His skin was warm aganist her cool lips, from breathing the crisp nightair. Bofur smiled at her, his dimples deepening as she withdrew. They looked into each others eyes.

Maybe it was the fact that they were so close that did it.

Maybe it was the darkness.

Maybe it was Bofurs hands, still on her shoulders, the pleasant weight of them burning through to her skin, even after the scarf was arranged comfortably around her neck, his hands moving so tenderly on her.

Maybe it was the beer.

Maybe, there just wasn't any clear, particular reason why Celyn put her lips to Bofurs, his cold nose cradling with hers. His kiss was whiskery and warm. It was clear that she startled him with her advances, but soon, as he seemed to realize what was really happening between them, his hands tightened on her shoulders, and he was pulling her aganist him instead. He was pressing her firmly to himself. She could feel how strong he was. How tight and muscled his miners body probably were underneath all those clothes.

They nipped on each others lips, just getting a sense of each others rythm. But soon, as if on a joint que, their tounges met softly in a warm, pleasant wetness. Bofur tasted so good. Tobacco, beer, and just something underneath that was just Bofur. His musky scent got caught in Celyn nostrills. Celyn couldn't help it, but as their kiss deepened, she let out a soft moan. She had almost forgotten what it felt like to be kissed like this. To ever be kissed by someone and doing it because she had wanted to do it.

Bofur began to breathe more heavily, his toes curling at the sounds she was making. He saw sparks behind his eyelids. Her scent was making his head spin, her body was so soft, but sturdy...As if she wouldn't break, no matter how much he would toss her around in passion.

_This is wrong. This is wrong. What am I doing? What if someone sees us?  
_

It was as if a spell had been broken. Bofur groaned before he took a hold of her shoulders once again, pushing her away, their mouths parting with a soft, wet sound.

He moved his warm hands tenderly to cradle her face, his forehead pressed aganist hers, breaths ghosting over her. Celyn took his forearms in her grip, just to assure herself that he still was there and touching her. To assure herself that she still was standing.

"Celyn..." he said, his voice breathy and husky, lacking its usual cheery character. Celyn noticed that he was breathing heavily, that he fought to regain control over himself. And why was he calling her by her name?

"We...We can't."

"Why?" she asked softly. She wished she could keep the words from escaping. She knew very well why. There were so many reasons.

"What's wrong? Do you not want me?"

"Oh lass..." he said, moving his thumbs over the softness of her cheeks, lacking the soft down that a dwarven woman would have had. Her eyes fluttered shut as he put a soft kiss on her left cheek, lingering for a little too long.

"There's nothing more I would want in this world right now..." Bofur said, his voice so sad, and Celyn might have believed him. A part of her felt so sorry for him.  
"Trust me. Oh, I have wanted just this to happen for a long time now... But I just can't... I made a promise, lass..."

"I know what Thorin has said." she said, tempted to snap at the thought of the meddling dwarf king.  
"He has spoken with me about it as well."

"All the more reason why we shouldn't be doing this."

"It is not his business!" Celyn said as she jerked her head away from his. "We are not a pair of foolish children. He needn't even know about it!"

"Oh lass..." he said, missing her touch already, reaching out for her. "You don't understand. If we...I don't think I will be able to keep from you..."

"Then don't." she whispered. "I am not asking you to."

"But someone else is. I don't know what he would do if he found out." Bofur said sadly, looking at her flushed cheeks, lips puffy from their kissing. He groaned. "I...Oh Mahal...Do you not know what you do to me?"

He crashed his lips to hers again with a ferousciousness Celyn didn't know that the miner was capable of. She ran her hands over his broad, sturdy shoulders while he moved to her neck, hungrily kissing whatever skin he could find. No chill could penetrate the warmth that was building up in Celyns body at this point.

"Bofur...Ahh." she wanted to weep his name, but it came out as a breathy whisper. She could feel his warm breath on her neck, his beard, his soft lips leaving a wet trail over her neck. She was starting to quiver.

"N-no!" Bofur said then, pushing her away a second time, shaking to regain his self control. "I made a promise."

"I know..." she said after a long pause, finally admitting defeat. She was a mess of ragged breaths and disheveled hair. She was the one who had been kissing him, and he had pushed her away. She felt disgusted with herself. It was all in her whores true self that she had thrown herself at him. She had come across as too needy, too desperate...And why couldn't she stand the feeling of being rejected by him? She was fighting back tears now.

"I am so sorry, Bofur. I am a silly woman. I don't even know what got into me...I never wanted to cause any trouble. I'm so sorry."

"Don't say that!" Bofur said as he grabbed her arm, preventing her from escaping him. "I'm not sorry that we kissed! I'm not sorry that you are here, and I'm not sorry that I have fallen for you!"

"What?" Celyn said, breath getting caught in her throat. Had he really fallen for her? How could he?

"You're the most beautiful, good woman I've ever met. But you must try to understand - I made a promise to my _king,_ Celyn."

"And a dwarf keeps true to his word." Celyn said, looking him in the eye. Her tone was so cold that Bofur could feel the chills down his spine. "Do not worry, I understand. I will keep our little secret. I'd rather just forget about it all. But just make sure you aren't too kind to me in the future. I might get the wrong idea about things again."

"Celyn, please-"

She would not allow him to speak any further, she released herself from his grip with a tug and walked away, all the while ignoring Bofurs sad pleads and protests. He couldn't go after her. It would be too risky. Grasping her bedroll too tightly, the tears finally broke through all barriers. She let them fall freely over the cheeks that Bofur just had kissed and caressed.

Instead of turning to the warmth and light of the fire, she stayed in the darkness. She wished it would all but swallow her.


	10. Bree

Celyn knew she wasn't going to get much sleep that night. When standing in the darkness cold and alone, still trembling from the emotions surging through her, she realized one thing at that very moment; she had no one to turn to now.

Not a single friend to count on.

The closest to a friend she had, the only one she had been able to turn to in a very long time, was now crossed with her. He must be. She had run away from him like some stupid, spoilt child not getting what she wanted. Why was she even acting like this?

_Why?_

Maybe...It was simply because Celyn never had been denied the touch of a man before...They had always come to her. They had always wanted what she had to offer. Maybe, it was because she never had been the one to take the first step... She had never really needed to do so. Never really wanted to do so.

And now, when she had done just that, it had not been welcomed the way she had hoped it to be. He had pushed her away, grabbed her shoulders with those strong dwarven hands and pulled her away from him, like a leech sucking the very life from him. Celyn felt every bit as disgusting as she knew she ought to.

She groaned to herself. Her cheeks still burned, not from lust and arousal now, but shame over her own behavior. What if Bofur told anyone? What if he actually told Thorin after all, and put all the blame on her?

No one would believe her. She was not one of them. She was a passenger, nothing more. A human, a woman.

But Bofur wouldn't do such a thing...would he?

 _Calm down..._ she tried telling herself, trying to listen to her own voice of reason that was fading more and more. _You are overreacting. It was just a kiss. After all, you have done worse things with men. Men you didn't even know, remember?_

But this had actually _meant_ something! She had been able to _feel_ this time. His kiss...It had affected her so greatly. The way he had held her, caressed her...For a moment, before he had pushed her away, it had felt so _right._ As if everything they had done and said, had been leading up to that. Just so inevitably, unavoidable, so right. She was still shaking.

She knew she needed to apologize, eventually. Not in the manner she had done. She needed to actually let him _hear_ that she was sorry. And what signals would she give to him if she avoided him now? That she only wanted him for one thing? That if he couldn't give it to her, he wouldn't be of any use to her?

But Bofur had been of use. He had listened to her. He had woken up and listened to her in the middle of the night. Sat with her. Offered her kindness in a way she had never experienced before. He had done so unconditionally. She still wore the clothes that he had lent her. She should have thrown them at him. A part of Celyn regretted not doing so. The voice of reason did not. She didn't deserve such kindness from anyone. Bofur least of all. She might as well throw it away. Destroy it. Tear it up.

It pained her heart to think about him pleading after her...

_"Celyn...Please..."_

She felt how her face contorted and a fresh stream of tears made it down her face. She screamed silently, no sound came out. It wouldn't do having anyone hearing her now. Surely, she would be able to come up with an explanation, but she didn't want to have to come up with another lie. She was sick to her stomach of lying.

She was sick of herself.

Maybe it was probably for the best... Not only was she a daughter of men and he a dwarf, which really wasn't something she had thought about much lately.  
But she knew what she was first and always. A whore. No one would want her. Least of all if they actually knew the truth. Not even Bofur could be so forgiving. He simply couldn't be. He might not even forgive her now.

Celyn hated being kissed otherwise. She remembered Halbar trying to kiss her a few times, his mouth too wet and too sloppy on hers. Sometimes he would taste of pus and always of alcohol. His teeth were rotting. His breath was one of the foulest smells Celyn ever had known. From day one, she had been disgusted with that man.

_She had arrived in Bree in the middle of autumn. She had been taken there in bondage. Not literally, but everything inside her told a different story. She never tried to escape, though she had had plenty of opportunities to do so. But where would she have gone? What could she do?_

_She had been allowed to accompany a few merchants. There weren't many of them in Laketown. Those few were doing her father a great favor by escorting her to Bree. She should have been grateful._

_Gratefulness was the last feeling she could even think of feeling as the small wooden structures of the village came into view from her horseback._

_The people of Bree had seemed as dull to Celyn as the land that they were farming. But they seemed nice enough as her company had passed through the village. It was small of course. A typical rest stop for travelers of the great road. Only one inn, the Prancing Pony. A small market. Would that be where she would be shopping for food to cook for her husband? For the rest of her life?_

_The thought had made Celyn feel at unease. Like she would be sick. The walls of an invisible cage was closing in on her, the chains tightened. An invisible collar closed around her windpipe. She found herself struggling to breathe. Blood was rushing in her ears. She wanted to cry in despair, but found the voice of reason within her instead. It wouldn't help her to cry. No one could hear her. No one would even care.  
_

_Despite all of this, she still had hopes for her soon to be husband. Her fathers cousin._

_They arrived soon enough, having had to ask their way through the village. But he didn't live very far from the center of Bree. Celyn remembered first laying eyes upon the small farm. Her hopes of coming to a fine home that was well cared for sank. Chickens and goats were grazing what little there was to eat and ran through the cold mud. A single, old-looking horse was pacing in a small pen, with food no better than the chickens and goats, the fence in obvious needs of some repair work. Even Celyn could see that.  
_

_The house didn't look any better from the outside._

_The merchants made sure that he would be home. One of them even knocked on the door for her. She didn't want to do it. She didn't even want to be there and she had no intention of_ not _letting them know so._

_Soon, he answered the door. The first thing that Celyn noted was that he was big. Not only tall, but broad. He had a belly like a barrel, his legs far apart. He had a full head of hair yet, the colour of salt and pepper, a short beard to match. Or maybe he was just unshaven. His eyes peered at them. He could only probably see with one of them. From where Celyn was standing, she could clearly see the other being covered in a greenish gray film.  
_

_"Yes?" he said, looking at the company in front of him. "What can I do for you?"_

_At least he didn't sound too rude._

_"Master Halbar?" one of the men behind her said, pushing her towards the older man, urging her to step forward, like a child greeting a scary looking relative for the first time._

_"Yes, that's me all right." he said, now looking down at the young woman in front of him. He noticed her hair, he would recognize that hair anywhere...It was a trait she had inherited from her mother._

_"Well well." he said, his face breaking out into a smile. Celyn saw that most of his teeth held a blackened, sickly colour.  
"If it isn't young miss Celyn! I've been expecting you for a long time, lassie. You are most welcome! Welcome to Bree!"_

_"Thank you, Mister Halbar." Celyn muttered, not forgetting her manners despite the situation._

_"I take it the trip went well?" he said, putting a heavy hand on her shoulder. "You look to be well and all in one piece!"_

_"Thank you." she said, not wanting to face the stranger and distant relative. "It went well. It's been a long journey, I'm just a little tired."_

_"I'll say." he said. "Well, why don't you come in and get settled? Have a little load off before supper?"_

_The merchants had helped to carry her possessions inside of the house. It wasn't much. It was her life._

_The inside didn't look as though it had been cleaned for years. It was all clutter of all sorts everywhere, and a thick layer of dust covered the wooden shelves. Celyn knew she would be expected to clean. She would have her work cut out for her._

_"Sorry I haven't been able to tidy up before you came." Halbar said jokingly, sensing her eyeing all the clutter. "But you know, bachelor and everything. I hope you will be able to help me get on my feet. Your da said you're good with housework."_

_Celyn laughed politely. It got stuck in her throat. She felt panic rise in her chest as the company said their good-byes, wished her luck and soon were on their way again. She felt so abandoned as she stood in the doorway and looked until they could no longer be seen. That was the last link to her hometown leaving, a few horsebacks disappearing down the muddy road in mid-autumn, one late afternoon.  
_

_They had supper together that night. Celyn was presented with a rabbit that Halbar had caught himself in a trap. She made a stew. They didn't speak much. She had no appetite. She only spoke when being asked a question, which was mostly about Laketown and what changes had taken place since Halbar left. She answered dispassionately. Maybe it wouldn't be too bad after all...Maybe it was just she who didn't make an effort._

_They were married two days later. It was a short and simple ceremony. Before all innocence had been lost, Celyn had always imagined her wedding to be a happy event. Her mother, brother and father would be there, not a bunch of strangers she had never met. _She would love the man she would marry and genuinely want to spend the rest of her life with him._ She would smile, she would be dressed in white as a symbol of her virginity. It was all such a lie. She should have worn black. Not only because it had been an appropriate colour for a whore, but also because it felt like a funeral. Her funeral. And she didn't smile. As he lifted her veil and gave her a quick peck on the lips, she cried instead, chest filled with compact despair. _

_She was a puppet all the way through the reception, playing the part of the young, blushing bride. She greeted and smiled at the drunks congratulating her and Halbar. They wondered however such a man could have gotten his hands on such a lovely looking, young wife?  
_

_Halbar said he was just lucky and pressed her against his side. She smiled stiffly and politely. They just thought she was shy. They must have known the truth. They must have.  
_

_And through dinner, Celyn made an alarming discovery. He drank. Too much. She lost count of all the ales he consumed that evening. There was no stopping, his thirst was unquenchable. But it was not in her place to make a comment. She would be glad if he only fell asleep before they got back home._

_No such luck was there to be that night. Celyn excused herself quite early. She didn't want to talk to any of the people at the party. She knew she might as well have been nice towards them, but she really didn't feel like putting any effort into it. She had no desire to know about their troubles and stories. She wanted to go back home. Just that, but she was married now. Was it now that she was supposed to feel like a real woman? A grown woman?  
_

_But if so, why was she only feeling like a little girl lost instead?_

_She could hear the party dying down in the night, as she laid down on the bed of straws. She didn't want to do it, but she knew that it was her duty now to share bed with her husband. She waited. He never came. After a while, she fell into a shallow, dreamless sleep._

_Celyn awoke to the sound of Halbar stumbling through the front door and coming to bed. Relief made way for panic instead as she felt the bed moving underneath his staggering weight. She tried remaining calm. She had her back turned to him and feigned sleep. She flinched as she could feel him pressing against her, fat belly against her back, stinking hot breath at the nape of her neck._

_"I've...I've come to claim my husbandly rights." Halbar slurred. If she would turn, she would have been met by nothing but the reeking smell of alcohol, stale on his stinking breath._

_"Turn around and face me, girl."_

_The tone he used. Celyn knew that tone. She would not be able to reason with him. Not now. He was simply too far gone.  
_

_She knew that he knew she was awake. She hardly thought it would make much difference anyway._

_She should have followed his suit. She should have had more to drink._

_Celyn had barely started to turn around as he crashed his lips onto hers, almost breaking her neck in the process. Celyn had hoped for a little more romance, being her husband, after all. Despite all she had put herself through, she hadn't stopped believing in something akin to love and respect from the opposite sex. Any sane person would call her a fool, of course.  
Instead, it felt just like another man at the inn in Laketown - if they were interested in kissing her, it would be done sloppily, she would feel suffocated, only trying to get away. This was no difference. His tongue was plunging through her mouth, disgusting, stinking saliva was dribbling down her esophagus. Could he only stop drooling? The taste of him was revolting. Alcohol, rotten teeth, salty sweat. She could smell him just as well as she could taste him, his stench penetrating her nostrils like his tongue. There was no way to shut him out..Celyn tried escaping him and his kisses. She didn't want any of it. She just wanted anything but to be in that moment._

_She should have had more to drink._

_As she finally got free from him, he struck out and slapped her over the face. Hard. Celyn gasped in surprise and touched her face in chock. She had been slapped many times before, of course. She had only hoped that her husband wouldn't dream of doing it on their wedding night.  
_

_"You do as I say!" he slurred angrily. "I'm your husband, and I didn't marry you to get turned down by a whore."_

_Celyn had never been so angry in her life as he kept touching her. His hands were big and felt clammy, even through her nightdress. She held her tongue.  
_

_"Damned whore." he mumbled to himself. "you should be grateful I let you into my home."_

_"I didn't ask to be sent here in the first place!" she snapped and sat up in the bed, getting his hands off her._

_"No? What would you have done?" Halbar asked her mockingly, even a smile plastered on his face as he remained on the bed beside her. "Kept on going as you were? You never would have married had it not been for me!"_

_"Stop it!" she said and got out of bed, his words angering her, blood boiling. "You're drunk!"_

_"You're druuuunk!" he mocked her. "You need to get one thing straight; You don't talk to me like that. I'll swear you'll regret it if you do..."_

_The last thing was said with such a growl that made Celyn freeze on the spot. Halbar saw his chance and stumbled towards her, grabbing her hard from behind, his long arms around her upper chest, almost suffocating her with his strength. The bastard breathed heavily, she could feel his chest heaving against her back. She could almost sense his thoughts as he moved her light hair from her shoulder and leaned in._

_She should have had more to drink._

_"Please don't-" was all she could get out weakly after having struggled for a while against him. "I'm tired. I just want to sleep, please..."_

_"What did I tell you?" Halbar snapped again. He went to her neck again to kiss it with chapped lips, leaving a trail of cold, slimy saliva in their wake. Celyn squirmed in discomfort as he forced the nightdress off her, ripping in at the seams in some places. His hands were dry and felt like sandpaper on her bare skin. Too rough. He pinched her flesh. Hard enough to bruise in places. She tried to think of anything else than what was happening. He said that she was unbelievably stiff for a whore. Did the men who paid to be with her really get their money's worth?_

_Then, it wasn't long after that she was on her back on the lumpy bed. He didn't care for her pleasure as he lifted her skirt, she tried to hide from him, her womanhood lacked all the juices of excitement. She was dry, shriveled up, closed, and it hurt so much as he forced his way inside her without even parting her lower lips. He at least could have had the decency to spit on himself, or her, first._

_In Laketown, Celyn used her own saliva, or oil, to mimic a willing woman as much as she could. Now, she knew she would be sore for days as he pounded his way inside her. Celyn tried to ignore the pain. To be anywhere but there.  
_

_Celyn tried to close her eyes...But no, it didn't work. It only made every disgusting sound he was making so much clearer. Like a dark void with only that voice and pain to fill it._

_She looked at the side, studying the wooden wall, tried to escape within herself, hard to do, his grunts making its way through her mind again._

_"Look at me girl." the fat bastard panted, his breath on her face. "It's no good unless you look at me."_

_Celyn looked straight through him, at the roof. She hoped it was enough.  
_

_Thankfully, he didn't last long - when he came, it felt like being filled with pure hatred. She panicked at the thought of what his seed would be able to do with her body.  
_

_Celyn remained quiet as he rolled off her and went to sleep. She kept staring at the roof in silence for a long time, listening to Halbars heavy breathing turning into snores. Not knowing why._

_Had she imagined her wedding to be different, her wedding night had been nothing like she had dared to dream. It was long before she willed herself to move to go and wash away the pure filth he had put inside her unwilling body._

_The pain she could live with. She had been through a lot of it. What was unbearable to Celyn that first night was the unthinkable; That this was her life now. This is what it would be like._

_She should have had more to drink._

* * *

Only one thing pounded through Bofurs head as he looked back at the fire;

_Why did I push her away? Why did I say no to the only chance I'll ever have?_

He needed to gather his thoughts. He wished he only could have spoken with her again. He knew it must have taken great courage for her to kiss him. She was brave to do it. And how good had it felt? Unimaginably good, of course. He had not wanted something so much for a long time...He wanted her. His lass, his Celyn...

She would never be his. Ever. He couldn't even bear the thought of that. But it was more likely now than ever.

Her scent, her sounds, her lips against his, the feeling of the soft roundness of her breasts pushed up against his front. So unlike his bulky, muscular form. She had gotten so warm, so fast...He knew it had had to happen some day...They got along well. They liked each other. He had been looking at her, she had been looking at him. Bofur was sure of it. Hadn't she done so?

But he had just panicked when the day had come. Now, suddenly, it didn't matter so much if anyone had seen them kiss. He only wanted that moment back, before everything started going so wrong. He would do anything to change it. To pick up where they had left it. No Thorin, no quest...Right and wrong wouldn't matter anymore. He groaned to himself. He wished he could just go to bed, lay down next to her, and forget that it had ever happened.

He had stumbled out in the woods. He didn't want any in the company to know of him and Celyn. What they had done. What if they did already? What if anyone had seen or heard them? What was the punishment for treason?

He didn't dare to think about Thorin. What would he say? What would he do? He knew that the exiled kings inner furnace burned with greater heat that most dwarves. He could be truly terrifying when angered.

He yelped as he tripped over his own feet and a log, falling flat on his face on the moist ground. He hadn't watched where he was going.

"Stupid, stupid fool..." he muttered to himself as he lifted his face and groaned in pain. He had taken most of the fall with his hands, but his nose had gotten a good beating too. He felt moisture clinging to his face. Dew and most likely mud.

"This is where I belong." he said to himself. "On my face in the dirt."

Bofur sat up and wiped his face with the back of his hands, smearing dirt and blood over his knitted gloves in the process. He laughed sadly to himself. There wasn't much else to do.

* * *

Were all men like that? Celyn thought. Like all those men? Her husband? At her darkest moments, she would cling to that thought. She had been with a lot of men. Only a few of them were particularly rough.

Would Bofur be like that? He said that he had fallen for her. It was the first time a man had ever told Celyn this like that. But how could he? Not only was she a mess. She was whiny, she was cracked. Maybe even cracked beyond repair. When she wasn't shy and tried to get out of everyone's way, she was too loud and proud. Too outspoken and indelicate. What did he see in her? Did he only want her body, like all other men? Was he lying to her?

She only knew one thing; Bofur didn't deserve what she had said back there. She would have to apologize.

Celyn dried the tears from her eyes with her sleeves. They were too short, so she struggled. She prepared herself to go back to the fire where the others were. She didn't want to freeze to death. Despite all the things she had been through she knew one thing; she wanted to live. She didn't want to be in despair anymore. And if it meant to only have Bofur as a friend, she would be glad.

She kept telling herself just that as she started to head back on wobbly legs.

As she returned to the fire, Bofur was nowhere to be seen. Most of the dwarves had gone to bed, so she didn't want to cause a stir by questioning Bofurs whereabouts.

However, she noticed a solitary figure by the fire, with its distinct three-peaked hair. Why was he always wherever she would be?

He had noticed her before she noticed him.

"Hiya darling." Nori said as she approached. "You're up late, aren't you?"

Celyn didn't want Nori to darling her at that point, she simply wanted to know where Bofur was. But she couldn't ask Nori, could she?

"As are you."

"I was waiting for you." Nori said. Celyn thought she could see a teasing smile on his lips. It was honestly hard to tell at times with his beard.

"I'm going to bed in a minute." she said, ignoring him teasing her. "I just need to...get warm first."

The chill had spread through her body, it felt as though she was frozen to the marrow. Maybe that was what she was. Maybe her heart was just one big lump of cold, frigid ice, after all, pumping ice through her veins.

"You look a little cold." Nori said matter of factly, and shuffled over, offering her a spot beside him.

"Go on. I warmed it up for ya."

She sat down next to the dwarf. There were several other spots where she could sit, but she didn't want to be rude now that he had made room for her.

"Thank you. I am."

"That's what happens if you're away from the fire too long." Nori said, as he brought out his tobacco pouch to lit up the last pipe of the day. "Shouldn't be away from the camp alone."

"You mean I could meet someone like you?" Celyn said and watched as Nori chuckled.

"Well...Yes. But hopefully you'll know how to handle it if you do now." he said with a smirk. "Womenfolk on the road should be able to take care of themselves. You got quite a lucky shot in."

Celyn put down her head in shame, a small smile on her lips, still. Speaking to Nori was a welcomed distraction before Bofur would turn up again, inevitably. She didn't want to be left to her thoughts, and then Nori was a welcomed distraction.

"I'm so sorry about that." she said. "I guess I must have panicked. How is your leg?"

"It's fine." Nori said as he drew in smoke from his pipe. "The dwarves were hewn from rock. You'll need to kick a lot harder to hurt us."

"I don't doubt that."

"There's plenty more useful stuff I could teach you, you know." Nori said slowly. "Maybe we can do it again soon. Maybe tomorrow?"

Celyn looked down. Why did it feel like she betrayed Bofur if she was alone with Nori? After all, she knew that Nori might be lusting after her. He hadn't been inappropriate during the past few days. Sure there was an innuendo here and there, longing looks and smirks...But she couldn't know if he only were teasing her. He seemed to be the type to tease. Maybe he even liked to see people squirm a little every now and then.

Be that as it may... At least someone wanted her. At least someone still found her desirable.

"Well. Yes." Celyn said hesitantly. "Maybe we can do it again tomorrow, before we reach the forest..."

"What's the matter darling?" Nori said as he chewed his pipe, a glint of mischief in his fox eyes. "You scared of being alone in the dark with old Nori?"

He looked straight through her. Into her. He wasn't like her Bofur. Surely, the two of them were friends, and had the same playful air about them, but Nori was so...Celyn looked for the word in her head, but couldn't find it. She had started to like Nori. But given first impressions, he was hard to get. Sometimes he would come across as caring, intelligent, but at other times Nori would come across as a...potentially dangerous dwarf. And she didn't only think about the fact that he was a thief.

It was that danger that she had felt when she had been young in Laketown, the guards staring at her longingly. What their eyes on her had done to Celyn. How it had deceived her.

"I don't think it will be dark. And I'm not afraid of you." she said. Maybe it didn't sound completely honest. "Should I be afraid? Is that what you want me to be?"

"All jesting aside?" Nori said, blowing smoke towards the fire. Celyn watched as the grey smoke mingled with the one from the fire. She looked at his face. His beard was so intricately done. It looked to be thick, folded...How many years worth of beard and hair were there on his face, pleated and decorated with silver?

"No. I don't want you to be afraid."

"All right. I won't be then." Celyn said, debating whether she should push things further. The night had already ended in chaos, so she might as well continue. "But then, I want to get to know you."

She surprised herself with what she said. She would not share anything about her past, and now she was asking to get to know Nori. But then again, men loved to talk about themselves, didn't they?

"As much as you want of me, darling." Nori said, slowly. Another innuendo, surely. "Ask me anything."

"Bofur told me you were a thief-"

"Am."

"Pardon?" Celyn asked, confused at his interruption.

"I _am_ a thief."

"Very well." Celyn said, as the dwarf looked her in the eyes, his expression unreadable, not flinching one bit. His light green eyes twinkled in the light from the fire. He looked like an animal.

"Bofur told me you _are_ a thief." she corrected herself. "Is that why you know so much about sneaking up on people? To use a dagger?"

"It comes with the trade, yes." he said, calmly. "You do that as you pick stuff off them. If that doesn't work I use my power of persuasion."

Nori leaned forward and pat his sheathed daggers. He still hadn't taken them off him. Celyn stared at him. There it was again, that feeling that Nori was in his true element.

"Have you ever killed anyone for their possessions?"

There was a pause. Celyn wanted to slam her head into the ground. She felt how blood rushed to her face.

"I might be many things, darling, but I'm not a murderer." he said, his expression showing some sadness. "But there was that one time...There was this merchant in the Blue Mountains. I didn't expect him to carry a dagger himself. It was years back now, but I still remember it."

Yes. Nori remembered it all too well. He remembered the surprise in the dwarfs eyes, mirrored in his own as they both realized what had happened. That Noris dagger had penetrated velvet, skin and flesh. He had not taken any of the dwarrows money or jewels. He just could not. It was even below him. That sight still lingered with Nori. The sight of that merchant in his velvet robes, bleeding, gurgling. Just trying to understand.  
He still hadn't told Dori about it. Or Ori. Even though he had kept his tongue, he had such a strong feeling that they both _knew.  
_ Nori tried telling himself it had happened because he had been so young and reckless back then. That it was one of many reasons things were so utterly complicated and broken between him and his brothers.

"I'm sorry." Celyn said. "It wasn't an appropriate question."

"S'all right." Nori said. "Since when was being a thief an appropriate trade?"

"That is true." she said. "Still, I could have been more delicate."

There was a slight pause between the woman and the dwarf. As if Nori was contemplating something.

"You know...Most women would avoid me by now, darling." Nori said, uncharacteristically quiet. "But you don't do you? Doesn't it chock you? Scare you?"

Celyn took a while to answer.

"We all have to survive Master Nori." she said, her pulse quickening. "I'm not saying I approve of what you do, but it is a rough world out there. We all have to do what we must to survive. I'm sure you had your reasons going down the path you did. I've taught myself not to be too quick to pass judgement. Not even on thieves."

She knew. She had had her reasons as well.

"Indeed." Nori said, looking her straight in the eye, unflinching. He knew. He could smell her. Celyn was sure of it. They were the same, and he felt it. He couldn't know.

"Does your brothers know about it?" she asked, not allowing them to continue. "About what it is you do?"

Nori gave something between a snort a sigh.

"All too well. He won't let me live it down." he said. "They've known from the beginning."

Celyn nodded. Even though she didn't really know the three brothers, she knew that their relationship would be complicated. They were all so different from one another.

Ori was the young scribe. He was shy, he was well-mannered. Something Dori most likely must have taught him to be. Somehow, Nori was more different to both of them. He was the black sheep. A ram.

"Dori doesn't like it, of course." Nori said. "He's always tried to take up where our mother left off when she died. He only ever joined this quest to look after Ori in the first place. You've noticed how he mothers Ori, haven't you?"

"Now that you mention it." she said. "Yes - he seems to be very protective of your brother."

"He worries that the lad will want to be like me." Nori said. "But he can't. He's a good lad, it's not in him to be a thief like me. I don't think he saw a lot of me growing up. He doesn't know what its really like."

"Did you get in a lot of trouble when you were young?" Celyn asked. She tried to imagine how Nori would have looked as a young dwarrow, being Fílis and Kílis age...

"There were times I didn't see my brothers for a long time." Nori said. "I guess Dori wanted me to come as a chance for the three of us to get closer to each other again. Maybe. Not that we ever were."

"Brothers..." Celyn said with a sigh. "They sure can give you a hard time. But you can't blame him for trying."

"Mhmm...Dori's just one big mother goose, sometimes. He also wants me to come back to the Blue Mountains for good and start working at his restaurant. Which is foolish enough of a suggestion. Can you imagine me serving stew and beer to dirty patrons?"

Celyn gave him something between a sympathetic look and an amused smile. No, she could not imagine Nori in that position.

"But they must care a lot about you." Celyn said. "It might not be the way you want them to care, but still. Take care of your brothers, you never know how long they will around in this day and age. I would do anything to see mine again."

"What happened to him?" Nori asked.

"There was a decease going in Laketown. We still don't know why. Both my mother and my brother perished. We always thought he would make it, he was young and strong. He did as much work for the family as my father did. Turns out that youth and stamina didn't mean as much as we had hoped. It was as useless as everything else when it hit him."

"I'm sorry to hear that." Nori said, his voice soft and whispery. "Seems a terrible waste."

"Thank you." she said. "A lot of people lost their loved ones that winter. I was far from the only one. The master of Laketown said it was an sign. That only the poor people died and that a higher power had chosen the right ones to be left behind."

Of course, the master hadn't said this out loud in public. He had said it in the company of Celyn and his right hand, Alfrid. Celyn wanted to throw up as she thought of the two men...She had spent so much time with them. Alfrid in particular. The way he had threatened her, if she didn't go along with his requests...He had had the power over her all the time, and he let her know that. He was so typical of a man who shouldn't have even an ounce of power. He lived in his masters shadow constantly. The way he was pushed around every day, would be the way he would push others around. He would do anything to feel mightier than he truly was. To have even the slightest feeling of superiority. It was all a lie.

"Well, if you ask me, I would say the master is full of it." Nori said and blew out smoke angrily.

"I agree." Celyn said, amused by Noris outspoken nature. "But I suppose my point is, you never know what will happen. Given the nature of your quest, the stakes are even higher. Just be careful."

Nori nodded. He knew that the human was right, although he would refuse to admit it. Mahal knew he didn't deserve his brothers support sometimes.

Celyn knew too well how Nori must feel. He had done things no brother or mother would ever want to approve of. Just like she had done in Laketown. All those men which she had shared moments in the night with. The questions she couldn't seem to come up with an explanation for. Where did the money come from? How come they still had food to eat? Where had she gotten that bruise from?

"That's right..." Nori said, eyes lingering on her. "You never know when you will be gone. We should make the most of it."

Celyn swallowed hard. He must have heard it. She didn't dare to look at him. She settled for looking into the fire.

"Maybe." she wispered. Celyn felt Noris eyes wander over her, stopping at her scarf. Bofurs scarf.

Of course Nori had noticed. Celyn was wearing Bofurs coat, and now his scarf as well.

"You seen the rest of Bofur?" Nori asked, unable to keep quiet as he nodded towards Celyns neck, wrapped in the blue, red, yellow and grey scarf, the colours taunting him.

"Unless he walks around naked by now."

Celyn was unable to laugh at Noris joke, too close, too recent. What if he knew?

"I don't know where he is." she said, looking into the fire. "Haven't seen him in a while. Has he been gone for a long time? It's too dark to be out alone."

"Don't worry, he's-"

Celyn tried to look beyond the fire. What if he was standing outside the circle of light? Dwarves weren't exactly known for their stealth, but surely he could get away with eavesdropping on her and Nori.

"But I do. What if there are orcs nearby?"

"Darling, he's a grown dwarf." Nori said. "He might be a fool at times, but he can take care of himself."

"I'm just worried..." she said, now standing up, having a hard time adjusting her eyes to the darkness. "What if he's...What...It, it would be my fault..."

She thought about Bofur right then, right there. Nori had brought him up. She could not ignore it. How Nori was not him. How she only wanted him to sit next to her, talking the way she already had gotten accustomed to do, wrapping his arm around her, getting a blanket for her. Being there. Bofur.

And now, he was not.

At first, she had only thought of her own feelings. But now...There were more important things at stake.

He had been calling after her...  
She had ignored him.  
Now he was out there by himself...

_"Celyn...Please..."_

_They come in the night. Always in the night..._

"How would it be your fault?" Nori said, raising a thick eyebrow. Looking up at the woman, he could feel her distress growing. It was affecting him. More than he would care to admit.

"I..."

"Celyn." Nori said. It took some effort to spot it, but Celyn noticed that Noris tone had a underlaying sterness to it. It wasn't only that. He used her name.

"What happened between you two? What has gotten you all upset like this?"

"I need to go and find him, Nori." she said, panic rearing its ugly head inside her, strangling her.

"Not alone you're not." Nori said. "He just went to take a piss. He'll be back."

"But what if he's not?" Celyn said in a strangled voice. If anything was to happen to Bofur she would never be able to live with it. She had enough on her conscience as it was. More than any woman should bear. But having his life on it...She would never be able to survive it. To live with it.

"I'm...I'm just so afraid."

"Of what?" Nori asked, now long having put out his pipe to stand up beside her. He grabbed her arms, much like Bofur had done, not long ago. He had kissed her. They had touched. Celyns heart had been racing. He had pushed her away...He had been calling after her.

"You just need to calm down." he said. "Just tell me. What's going on?"

"I don't want to...I can't..." she whispered. "What if he's all alone out there? What if what happened to me happens to him? What if...The goblins...what if they are out there now?"

Nori watched as Celyn bowed her head down, mítril hair cascading around her face. A single tear broke through its barricades as she closed her eyes, lashes fluttering in pain. This was the first time in his long life he had ever held a crying woman. He couldn't help it. She was beautiful, even like this. Instinctively, he pulled her closer. She was stiff, rigid, but she let him hold her all the same. He didn't care what had happened between her and Bofur anymore. He knew that something was going on between them, as shameful as it was. He was not blind or stupid, despite his limited experience with the fairer sex. A dwarf and a woman... He had thought too much about it himself. He felt ashamed as he thought back on all the thoughts he had had about the woman. About Celyn...But as long as he could have this moment to himself with her. And only this, he didn't care. No one would know.

"Didn't see any in the dark, thank you."

Both Nori and Celyn jumped as a soft hand was placed on Celyns shoulder. Everything happened so fast then - To Celyn, everything happened in the fraction of a second. But that was enough for Nori to push her away so that she got behind him, offering what little shelter his body could offer for their attacker. It was enough time for Nori to draw both his daggers in alarm and put them both to the unwelcomed guests neck. The guest went so rigid with fear that a troll easily could have snapped him like a twig.

Celyn had never seen anyone move that fast. She knew why Nori must be the best at what he did. It both scared and secretly impressed her.

"What are you doing?" Bofur said, a voice laced with fear, too high, as Nori quickly lowered his daggers again. "You could have cut my head off!"

"Didn't mean anything by it." Nori said, quickly regaining his composure, relaxing. "You should know better than to sneak up on me."

Celyn watched the exchange between the two dwarves, a curious look on Bofurs face...Which Celyn noticed was less than clean. He had been bleeding through his nose.

"Bofur." she said, with a sigh of relief to see him. All she wanted to do was to throw her arms around him. But she didn't. Not only because Nori was there, but because she didn't know how to act around him now. She had ruined everything...

Also, the commotion had not only gotten the attention of the guard, but also, the three of them froze as the unmistakable voice of Thorin was heard through the darkness.

"What is going on here?" he asked angrily, appearing from the shadows into the firelight. He was fully dressed and had probably been sleeping lightly, looking as intimidating as always. Celyn wondered if he ever slept or removed his mail. Maybe he would be less of a grump if he got a good nights sleep every once in a while.

Things did not look good. Celyn had been crying, Nori had his daggers drawn still, and Bofurs face was caked with mud and blood. The two dwarves and the woman were on edge, looking like three children that had just been caught stealing cookies.

"Well?" Thorin said, quietly but firmly. "Speak up!"

"Bofur was playing a trick on me and Nori, master Thorin..." Celyn started.

It took a while for Nori and Bofur to realize what she was doing.

"That's right." Bofur said. "I sneaked up on them. It wasn't a good idea, really. You see, Celyn is still afraid of the goblins, after what she's been through, you can hardly blame her. Aren't you lass?"

There was some truth to that.

"Terribly. I had nightmares, so I came to sit by the fire. I got so scared that Nori thought that I was right for a second."

"Uh-huh." Nori filled in. "And that's when I accidentally knocked Bofur over so he fell and hit his nose."

Thorin sighed so loudly all three could hear him.

"I will not bring along three children who think a night raid by goblins is something to laugh at." Thorin said. "You should know better, Bofur. I will not tolerate any of this. Particularly not at this hour of the night."

"I know." Bofur said, looking into the ground. "I'm sorry, but I was only trying to...I don't know."

Thorin waved his hand dismissively. He did not want or need to hear it. Celyn didn't dare to look at the king. This would not make impressions of her better in his eyes.

"I have had it with your jokes for now, Bofur. You get cleaned up, and then all of you are off to bed. I will not have any more of this tonight. Or the remaining of the quest. Do I make myself clear?"

All three of them mumbled a yes, before Thorin stomped away to return to his bed.

Celyn wiped angrily at the wetness in her eyes, releasing a breath she had been holding firmly. Her heart was pounding in her chest. Had circumstances been different, the three of them would have laughed at their excellent work, building a lie together. Celyn weren't sure if any of them could have explained the truth had they wanted to. Confusion was hanging in the air between her, Nori and Bofur, and it was anything but merry.

"What _did_ happened to your nose?" Celyn pointed towards the miner in a quiet question. It was clear that there was blood in his beard, flowing from his nose.

"It's nothing." he said as he went to touch the blood, coagulating fast. "I fell. Just got two left feet sometimes, I suppose."

He gave Celyn a weak smile, which she tried to return.

"Should get that cleaned up." Nori muttered as he looked to Celyn, now standing with her hands folded in front of her. He found her behavior odd, to say the least. She was turning so quickly, and he wasn't sure if he could keep up.

"I'll get some water..." she murmured as if she woke up from a trance.

"Go on and sit down." Nori said while Celyn went to fetch a skin of water. "You can't go to bed with all that blood on your face."

Bofur did as Nori said, and sat down close to the fire and the light that was offered.

"Sorry about the daggers." Nori muttered as he sat down next to Bofur. "But the lass was afraid that there really were goblins nearby. I really thought you might have been one."

"Am I really that ugly? A little blood on my face, and that's all it takes?" Bofur said. His voice didn't carry its usual playful tone. "I saw you two."

Nori looked at his friend, staring into the fire.

"So?"

Bofur remained quiet for a long while. Nori could almost see the thoughts pass before his eyes.

"So nothing."

"She was scared, Bofur. What should I have done? Have her wake up the entire camp and stumble after you in the midst of the night?"

Bofur looked at his friend, his expression unreadable. His lips twitched into a smile, without reaching his eyes.

"I suppose you're right."

Bofur looked up as Celyn returned with the water and a cloth. He tried so desperately to catch her eye, but like that afternoon in the kitchen, she had seemed to shut down on him. He knew that she was embarrassed. He felt the same way she most likely did. He only wished that he could talk to her. That he could talk without the fear of unwelcomed listeners. He trusted Nori with his life, no matter his motives, of course, but even though the tension hardly went unnoticed by the thief, he wouldn't risk talking to Celyn openly.

"Thank you, Celyn." was all he settled for, putting a hard on her wrist. He hoped that the sentence would hold so much more than just the meaning of the words. That she would hear how _sorry_ he felt.

She met his eyes after staring at his hand on her for a long time. Bofur saw all the sadness there, and she gave him a small, sad smile. She wanted some of the things that had been said and done as undone as he did.

"Don't mention it." she said as she looked at the two dwarves hurriedly. "It's late, and I'm tired. Goodnight."

Celyn almost ran to her bedroll, not wanting to deal with any sort of question or protest. It was just for shows. She would not sleep that night. And if she did, she would do so alone. Always alone.

* * *


	11. Mirkwood

The company rose the next morning. Even though the air was chill, it looked to be another beautiful, bright day. Celyn did not feel it. She wanted to go back to the little sleep she had gotten during the night. She wanted to sink down into that dark hole once again, forgetting ever being out in the middle of nowhere, in the company of all these dwarves, but despite that alone. She only felt tightness in her chest as she woke up that morning, with no one laying close to her. She had liked that. It had been reassuring to have someone like Bofur close to her like the morning before. She could have gotten used to it. Even though he still slept next to her, she noticed, and it was a small comfort, he had clearly kept his distance. He was more than an arms length away, with his back turned against her. Like the face of a cold, dead rock. She had no chance of reaching out for him. How Celyn only wished he would be awake now and turn around and face her. With a smile, everything would be forgotten. And forgiven. Wiped away. Just like that.

She had left Nori and Bofur by the campfire the night before. She had gone to bed so abruptly, only so that she wouldn't have to face Bofur. Or Nori. Or any form of explanation that probably needed to be done sooner or later. She was happy and relieved to learn that Bofur was safe, despite giving himself a bloody nose. But she hadn't had the strength to handle it. Celyn wasn't sure of what was going on herself. And worse. She had heard them murmur in the night, but she had not been able to make out any words spoken by the two dwarves by the fire. She was not even so sure she had wanted to hear, if opportunity had been given. She only heard the blood roaring in her ears as she had tried to calm herself and be taken by sleep. She knew she would need it.

_Katousch...katousch...katousch..._

Celyn looked to her left at Bofur again. She had looked his way most of the night after he had come to rest, trying to make out his sleeping form in the darkness. She had waited for him to turn around and talk to her. Whisper. But it had all been in vain. The dissapointment had kept her awake for most part of the night. But the little sleep she had managed to get was riddled with abstract nightmares. To someone watching them, there would be no suspicions that something out of the ordinary was going on. The two of them were just being friendly, like they had been from the start. They would no longer wake up, holding each others hands, faces almost touching. Celyn groaned as she threw her blanket off herself and was struck by the morning chill. It was harsh. She welcomed the discomfort, it was almost soothing. She would not be in a good mood today. She would revel in it.

It wasn't long before they were off again after a small breakfast eaten in silence. She didn't know what to do or how to act anymore. All the others would suspect something, if they even noticed. Maybe she just thought a little too highly of herself. The dwarves clearly had more important matters on their minds than whatever drama was between her or anyone else. But she was thankful when Bilbo rode next to her to make small talk about Bree and the areas surrounding the village. Bilbo was a gentleman, and it was a safe topic of discussion. After all, even though it wasn't the case for Celyn, that part of the world was home to the hobbit. And if it made him happy to talk about his home, she was happy to oblige. To remind him of the green, fertile pastures in the spring and summer, the crystal clear creeks running through the country like veins carrying life. She could tell that the hobbit was missing it dearly.

She longed for home too. As if she knew where that was anymore.

As she turned around, she could see Bofur riding behind her. When she would catch him looking, he would either give her a small, nervous smile or turn away his gaze. The latter hurt her. It made her angry that she reacted that way, to something as simple as that. Celyn had hoped and thought all that was over for her. Why had things turned so sour, all of a sudden? How was it possible for things to turn so quickly? A part of her was mad that a simple gesture such as a kiss could change so much between two people, so fast.

She nodded politely at what the hobbit said and gave a hum or two every now and then. She tried to focus on him and their conversation. She really did.

The company stopped to rest for a short while when the sun was high in the sky. They would reach the edge of the forest the same afternoon. From there on, Celyn knew they all had to rely on their feet. It would be good to get off the horseback for a while, even though she was anxious about not keeping up with the virile dwarves that just seemed to press on and on tirelessly. Thorin had no time caring about her comfort, and neither did Celyn want him to. It wasn't as if she could blame him. She had been enough trouble as it was, already. The night before didn't help her to look better in the exiled kings eyes.

Once they had gotten through the forest, they would reach Laketown eventually. Her hometown. She hadn't seen it for years. How much had changed? Celyn didn't even dare to think about it. She didn't dare to remember. That seemed to be someone else's life now entirely. Maybe she just gave herself false hope. Maybe there was no going back to that life. The life that a young woman was supposed to lead. She was hardly young anymore...She felt as if she had aged so terribly much during these last, short years. She had a new face now. And she couldn't remember what she had looked like once.

What if her father didn't want to see her or even acknowledge her? What if he insisted she would go back? Surely, she could tie a large rock to her feet and drown herself in the cold blackness of the lake. But despite everything, she wanted to live. She had always wanted to live.

But she wasn't sure how she was going to do it. She had never lead a carefree life like that. Not that life in Laketown was carefree for anyone. She could not simply forget and throw away all those years. They were a part of her now, regardless if she wanted them to be or not.

After they all had had a bite to eat, Nori took the opportunity to approach Celyn. They had not spoken to each other much that day. Celyn and Nori had always found talking to each other easier when Bofur would be near them. Bofur was both Noris and Celyns friend, and their fondness for the miner brought them together in a way. Or so Celyn thought. But now, Bofur seemed to want to spend time with his brother and cousin. Suddenly, Nori was standing over her, and smiled.

"How about that training now? The one we spoke about yesterday?"

That was the thing with Nori Celyn appreciated at that moment. No beating around the bush. She was sick of that to her core.

"Oh, I don't know..." she said, glad that someone was talking to her again and that it was Nori, but not really in the mood. It had not improved much since the morning.  
"We have been riding for quite some time, Nori. I am feeling a bit tired."

But then she noticed Bofur looking her and Noris way as he was huddled next to his brother and cousin. He had been trying to get her attention when opportunity was given. But it was hard to talk from a horseback with the rest of the company within hearing distance. They had had no opportunity to talk about what had happened between them both. It was simply frustrating, and maybe it was even tempting to let it go and pretend it never happened. To just move on and forget. Celyn wanted to apologize for her behavior, but at the same time, she wasn't happy about receiving mixed signals from Bofur either. On one hand he said that he wanted her, but he used the other one to push her away. That was more than she could take.

Celyn smiled to herself bitterly. Two could play that game.

"But on the other hand..." she said, feeling mischievous. "We are going to ride for many hours yet, so I might as well get to stand on my two feet as much as I can."

Celyn gave Nori a broad smile which she hoped was very convincing. It worked on most men.

This clearly pleased Nori. It seemed to work on dwarves too. His light green eyes glinted.

"That's the spirit." Nori said, offering his hand to help her to stand, which Celyn gladly accepted. His hand was slightly thinner than most of the dwarves, with long, slender fingers. Maybe it was something he used to his advantage in his trade? She could very well imagine Nori lifting money and other items of value with those quick fingers. His unfortunate victims wouldn't even know what happened.

Celyn and Nori walked a small distance, so that they were out of seeing and hearing distance from the rest of the company, behind a few thick bushes. Celyn was ashamed to admit it, but she felt some self-satisfaction as she watched Bofur look after them inquisitively. It was childish, she granted, but then again, she never said she was particularly mature in these matters.

Nori received a dirty look from his older brother as they walked past him - he knew he would have to hear about it later.

"Want me to show you the same thing I did before you kicked me in the shin?" Nori asked, standing a little too close to her at once. But after their talk last night, Celyn noticed that she felt less intimidated by Nori now, and a lot safer.

She smiled playfully.

"Please." she said, turning around so that her back was against him again. "Show me. I promise not to panic again so that I might kick you a bit higher."

"Cheeky." Nori said with humor in his voice, walking a slight distance away from her. "I will come at you again, and this time, try not to kick me?"

"I won't." she said, trying not to sneak a look over her shoulder to look at Nori. She hated to stand with her back to him, knowing that he would come at her and not knowing when. She hated it when anyone did that. But she wanted to get past that. This, now, was just a game. It was always a reassuring thought.

She gasped as she felt the blunted knife against her again. He simply moved soundlessly. But this time, she took a hold of his hands at once, effectively shielding herself from the blade.

She heard his breath at the nape of her neck, and she felt his tight body against her as she twirled around with the dagger, still sheathed in her hand.

"Good." Nori said, his eyes glinting a dangerous shade of green. "That's good. But just mind the blade, will you? You might have injured yourself, and that would only have made you an easier victim."

Celyn nodded and gave a short snort as she put a slight distance between their bodies again.

"I suppose having your hands smeared with blood makes holding a knife more difficult." Celyn said, not lowering her weapon. She then noticed that the two of them were circling each other like two rivaling animals, waiting for the other to make the first move. She noticed how Bofur had left her thoughts now, and she almost felt bad for enjoying Noris presence so much when she was faced with her own scheming. She wanted Bofur to see Nori and her like this. She wanted him to get jealous. She knew that Bofur was self-conscious about not being trained in battle like Nori. Bofur did not even carry proper weapons, only his mattock and a small knife. There was something feral about this particular dwarf in this particular position. It spoke to her, and she felt like she could surrender to that very nature with him. Nori, her fox. Her thief.

"Come on, darling." Nori said, as if reading her mind, before lowering his voice to a growl. "Make a move, will you?"

"Do not tempt me." Celyn said with a trace of humor. "You're a bit too eager to get attacked, master Nori."

"Wouldn't be the only thing I'm eager for."

Celyn smirked at his words, not wanting to admit that this embarrassed her a bit. How could he make her embarrassed after all the things she had gone through? She had been with a lot of men, and they rarely got her blushing. Even if she would retell the stories of her many encounters, it would make any self respecting maiden sweat and blush a dark shade of red. She braced herself before running into the dwarf, her weapon at his chest level. Nori snickered as he parried Celyns attack, but stopped as she soon were stabbing wildly in the air, secretly impressed by her ferociousness. He had known. He knew that she had it in her, despite her seemingly calm exterior. For a moment, Nori even found it difficult keeping up with her. Though of course, he would never admit so.

He ended the game by bringing down his blunted knife on her wrist, making the woman yelp in pain and letting go of the knife. Now, she had nothing to attack him with, or defend herself with. He could see the defeat in her eyes. Soon, Nori was holding her against him. They were face to face, panting into each others mouths, standing competely still, Nori held a sheathed dagger to her throat. Had it been unsheathed and they had been actual foes, Celyn would have been laying in the grass with a slit throat by now. There was something in the air between them at that very moment. As if though the air was filled with that pressure before a thunder storm. They looked at each other for what seemed to be a long time. Celyn surprised herself with the feeling of safety despite her position. It scared her to feel that way in a moment like that. But at the same time, she felt as though she was staring into the face of a predator, waiting for it to attack or run away. It was confusing, to say the least.

"Did I hurt you?" he whispered against her face, loosening his grip on her. The word was foreign in his mouth. He was not used to ask such a question. He was not used to actually care if he really had been too rough on her. Celyns cheeks were tinted pink from her sudden burst of energy, blood glowing through her light complexion. Nori moved the sheathed dagger away from her throat. He did not want to scare her. Celyn blinked, as if waking up from a dream.

"Just a scratch." she said lowly and smiled as she held out her wrist, showing it to him. It would turn a bit red, but she was sure it wasn't going to leave a bruise.

"I can't seem to be able to compete against a thief, master Nori."

Nori felt the skin of her neck against the back of his hand. Cool, smooth and utterly beautiful, a bit damp from the heat of the day. He did not want to let go of her. He was not only a thief. He could add liar to that list. But she was not afraid of him. Not anymore.

As if under a spell, he took her wrist and looked at it. Just as predicted, there was just a small, red mark where he had brought down the knife. He gently caressed it with his thumb, feeling the warmth of the reddened skin.

"You'll live." he said, but not in a harsh manner.

Celyn was the first to break the spell, loosening herself from his arms, a shy smile on her face.

"Well." she said, stepping away from him. "That's a relief. But now, I guess I'm dead. Or at least, robbed of all my money by now."

Nori woke up from his daydream.

"Oh..." he said. "Yes, a clean cut to the throat. Or just a threat. But you're learning. You could always use your hands in a moment like that."

"I wouldn't try it. And I wouldn't hold on to my money in a moment like that." she said, wiping a small amount of perspiration from her brow. "Would you?"

"I don't know what I would do." Nori said, looking at her in an odd way. Celyn hoped that someone would come to fetch them soon. She was beginning to feel hot, and she couldn't wait to feel the cool breeze on the back of a galloping horse again. For a while, she could sense Noris thoughts about her. She was sure this time.

Celyn turned around as she heard and felt footsteps approaching. She looked to see Bofur, watching her and Nori, leaning against a tree. He treaded lightly, but he had not any of the stealth that Nori had. For how long had he been standing there? It could be longer than Celyn thought. She thought she would feel satisfied if Bofur had seen them, but now she found herself hoping he hadn't.

"Not coming at me with daggers today, Nori?" he said as he went over to them, knowing very well that there was no hiding from the two of them.

Nori gave Bofur a lopsided grin.

"Not today." he said. "But you better be careful jumping me during the night, 'cause you're beginning to smell like an orc."

"Look who's talking." Bofur said before turning his attention to Celyn. "It's looking good, lass."

Celyn felt how her heart beat began to increase as she laid eyes upon Bofur. That meant he had seen them. Nori seemed as surprised as she was. She quickly found her voice again.

"Thank you." she said, looking at Nori. "I have quite a good teacher."

"So I see." Bofur said, looking at how close the thief and Celyn stood together. Sure, Nori was a specialist in close combat, but he looked to be a little too close. He had seen them, standing together. A little too close, for a little too long. Did Celyn want Nori now instead of him? Was she such a woman who merely moved on to the next after he had said no? Suddenly, he felt foolish. All Bofur wanted was to go back, get on the pony again and just forget. He just didn't want to believe that about her.

The three of them were quiet. Nori got the same feeling as the one from the previous night, and he felt increasingly frustrated as he was left again with the strong feeling of not knowing what was going on. That was, until Bofur turned to him.

"Nori, could I speak to Celyn alone?"

Nori raised a thick cendre eyebrow. It was strange to hear Bofur talk in that manner. Nori also noticed how tense the other dwarf looked.

"It will just take a moment."

Now he at least had an idea...

"Why would you want to do that?" Nori asked. It came out a little too defensively. "Assuming she wants to talk to you as much."

Celyn answered in Bofurs stead, sensing the tension between the two dwarves. It was not anything that she wanted to be the cause of, no matter how self-satisfying it would feel. They were friends, and it was not right of her to cause a rift between them. Besides, she would not accept being talked about as if she was not there.

"Please, Nori." she said, looking into his eyes. "Bofur and I do need to talk. Go back to the others. If they are asking where we are, you can tell them we will be along shortly. You can come to fetch us if we can't delay."

Nori shrugged and looked at them both, sheathing both his daggers and adjusting his clothing angrily.

"All right. But whatever this is," Nori said, motioning at an invisible thread between Celyn and Bofur. "I will want to know what's going on sooner or later if I'm gonna shut up about it. I don't suppose anything good will come out of it. Hope you're both aware of that."

"Well, maybe you should be aware of it too, by the look of it." Bofur said, his tone cold and accusing.

"Been drinking too much, have you?" Nori said after he regained his composure, raising an eyebrow at him and glaring. "Can't you even keep away from the bottle during the day? 'Cause that's the only explanation I can think of for you to imagine things."

"Stop it now." Celyn said sharply, not liking how the dialogue between the two dwarves was starting to play out. "We don't have much time. We must press on if we're about to reach the forest by nightfall."

Bofur and Nori looked at each other. The stares were not friendly. Nori was not a married dwarf. Celyn doubted that he even knew how to talk to women. But he was not blind, nor stupid. In fact, she seemed to have underestimated the dwarves altogether. Before meeting any of their kind, she had fended them off as rough, greedy, unintelligent with no developed emotional life whatsoever except for their lifeless gems and gold.

"I trust your discretion, Nori." Celyn said as she put a hand on the dwarfs shoulder. "Please just give us a moment. This is nothing to be upset about. But if you won't hold your tongue for Bofurs sake, then at least do it for me."

It was disgusting to take advantage of Nori like that, and Celyn felt a small surge of bad conscience. She had gone off with him. She might have flirted a bit with him, but she was not prepared to take it any further than that. She apprechiated him in many ways, but she cursed herself for giving him false hope.

Nori gave Celyn one last look. He took in her pleading eyes, bright as blue topaz. Her beautiful face, framed by that silvery hair he had longed himself to bury his face in. He was not innocent. Far from it. He would have to answer to Mahal in the great hall of death whenever that day came. He could only nod in answer as he dismissed himself unhappily from the couple. He would lie to himself if he didn't admit to look back several times before leaving. He just had a bad feeling about it all. Like he was leaving a treasure hoard in a dragons watch.

When both of them was sure they were alone, both Bofur and Celyn had been sure that words would come easily. It proved to be more difficult than they had thought and they both were met by a deafening silence.

"What was all that about?" Celyn finally asked, trying with all her might not to sound too accusing to Bofur.

"He's getting a little too friendly with you, lass." Bofur said, but not in an unfriendly or possesive way. "If you hadn't noticed by now."

"Oh, and what were we doing last night then?" she said, almost regretting saying it. She was both annoyed and relieved to catch this streak of possessiveness in Bofur. They both needed to speak. They both knew very well that Bofur didn't seek her out to argue.

"Nori knows something happened..."

It was Celyn who continued.

"That's what he said, lass." Bofur said. "He clearly doesn't like it. Did you...Tell him anything last night?"

"Me?" Celyn said. "No, but he noticed how I...Got worried for you. Being alone out there and all."

She didn't want to do this. To admit that Bofur meant more to her than anyone had in a long time. She didn't want to expose herself like this to him. She should be angry with him, and use that anger as a shield. Last night when they had kissed, they both had felt _it._ The care and fondness both felt for each other. It had not required any words. But was it still there, or had it been too fragile and new to hold on to?

"You should not be mean to him." Celyn said. "He's your friend."

"I know he is." Bofur said, suddenly feeling ashamed of his remark earlier. "But I...I don't know, Nori doesn't care about what others might think. Not in the same way. You must remember that he's lived away from dwarf settlement for most of his life."

"Maybe you should learn from Nori." Celyn said. "I don't mean that you should be like him. I like you, just the way you are. But don't you dare say I don't understand... I realize I was too harsh last night about your situation...I should have known better, but sometimes my emotions get the better of me."

"And I'm sorry I made you worry." Bofur said, feeling flattered that she cared enough to worry. "But I needed a chance to calm down lass. This is not easy for me either."

"I know it's not..."

"No matter how you feel about Nori, he's clearly grown fond of you."

"This isn't about Nori, Bofur." Celyn said. "It's about us."

She snorted, something between a laugh and crying.

"And just look at us." she said, motioning at that same invisible thread Nori had been motioning at moments ago.

"Just look at us."

Bofur tried to will his tense shoulders down. He didn't want her to see how nervous he truly was. If anyone were to overhear them talking, they both would be in trouble. Though he wanted to do so, he couldn't risk touching her or comforting her.

Celyn took a deep breath, she found it impossible to look at him.

"About last night...I- I'm sorry for being so...forward. What I did was wrong and completely out of place."

"No, lass listen, it wasn't-"

"I can't really blame anyone but myself. It might have been the beer...Or, I don't know...But, how should I explain?"

"You needn't explain, lass." Bofur said, not wanting to embarrass her. He cared enough about her to not put her in that position. "I understand."

"I know you do." she said. "But I think I've just...Been too lonely for too long."

Bofur nodded, trying to look as reassuring as he could. He felt so desperate at the prospect of losing her. Not the fact that they eventually would come to a fork in the road, and eventually be separated, but just the thought of truly _losing_ her gave him chills.

"I think..." Celyn said, trying to take her time but still do it in a timely fashion. She knew they would be called back by the rest of the company soon. They had almost lingered for too long already.

"I have not had a man being kind to me in a long time, Bofur..." Celyn continued. "And I'm not talking about the kindness from a lover. From a friend. I broke under my marriage. The truth is, I haven't been able to trust a man for as long as I can remember. I haven't let myself be touched or kissed willingly, for three long years. And more. Then you came...Even when we first met in Goblintown, you were the only one who saw me. You came with your kindness..."

She stopped when she caught Bofur smiling. Even though it was tinted with sadness.

"You were just what I needed. Maybe I needed you too much last night. Maybe I was out of my way, showing that."

"I only wish I hadn't pushed you away." he said, almost regretting speaking so truthfully to her. "I wish I could give you everything...You deserve nothing less from a man."

Celyn quickly continued. She could not take such kind words from him. She did not believe that. No one had ever told her she deserved any more than she had gotten. Quite the opposite.

"No matter what you feel, Bofur." Celyn said, not allowing him any protest. " _How_ you feel. I want you to know that I understand your reasons for doing what you did. I know the value of a promise. I hope you can understand mine. That I value your friendship, and everything you've done for me...You did not only save my life in Goblintown, but I have you to thank for so much more. For listening, being there for me. Being my friend. And if I can only have that, then I will be all right."

Bofur wanted to wrap his arms around her as he saw how she took another deep, shaky breath. He almost panicked as he saw his chance with her slipping away. He took a step closer to her, but he wasn't sure over how she would react if he embraced her again. Not only were the two of them alone, separated from the rest of the company, they had no cover of darkness for the deeds they both thought about. Bofur kept his distance sadly, lowering his hand, which had reached for her on its own accord.

"I don't want to loose that, Bofur. I want the two of us to be friends." Celyn said. Yes, go on with those lies, she thought sourly. "At least."

"Lass..." Bofur said. "I want you to know that I meant every word that I said last night...I-"

"Bofur, I..." Celyn said, almost wanting to cry and be wrapped in his warm, strong arms again. It felt like nothing else would make her feel better again.

"You needn't tell me how you feel, lass." Bofur said. "I can wait. I can wait no matter what happens. Even if nothing else happens between us, though Mahal knows I want it, I can wait. I will always be your friend lass, no matter what."

"You are, aren't you?" Celyn said, her vision getting blurred.

"Yes." Bofur whispered. "Always. We will just have to give ourselves time."

Celyn looked at him, his dark, beautiful eyes moist, his thick eyebrows turned in a frown. This was not easy for him either. She reached out for him, took a few steps to be closer to him.

"Time..." she whispered sadly, their eyes meeting, "Is something we don't have..."

It was then that Nori came back.

"We're off again, you two." he said, his voice loud and without mercy. Celyn and Bofur both sighed deeply. But on the way back, Celyn could feel Bofurs hand on her back briefly. Whether it was a mistake of a resassuring gesture, she wasn't sure. She knew that there were more things that had needed to be said between them. But there just never was enough time.

* * *

The company could see the forest coming as it were to meet them, or waiting for them like a black and frowning wall before them. The land began to slope up and up, and it seemed that a silence began to draw in upon them. Birds began to sing less. There were no more deer; not even rabbits were to be seen. By the afternoon they had reached the eaves of Mirkwood, and were resting almost beneath the great overhanging boughs of its outer trees. Their trunks were huge and gnarled, their branches twisted, their leaves were dark and long. Ivy grew on them and trailed along the ground.

"Well, here is Mirkwood!" said Gandalf after unmounting his horse. "The greatest of the forests of the Northern world. I hope you like the look of it. Now you must send back these excellent ponies you have borrowed."

The dwarves unloaded their packs from the ponies and unsaddled them one last time. When Nori was about to unsaddle Gandalfs horse, the wizard stopped him.

"Not my horse!" he shouted. "I need it."

The majority of the company got upset to learn that Gandalf would be leaving them. There was no use arguing with the wizard, and even Celyn felt saddened that Gandalf would leave. Somehow, he made things calmer with his prescence, and he held so much knowledge about the world that they all could use to their advantage. But no matter how much various members of the company tried to reason with him, the more stubborn he got.

Celyn looked to the forest. Was this really the same forest she had come out of, a few years back? It seemed... sick...As though a great disease laid upon it. She shivered at the prospect of venturing through it again, without the aid of the woodelves which had seemed to know the forest as well as she would her own pocket.

"Is there no way around it?" Bilbo asked Gandalf.

"Not unless you go two hundred miles to the north or twice that distance south." Gandalf said, preparing to mount his horse again.

"But even if you do, you wouldn't get a safe path even there. There are no safe paths in this part of the world. Stick to the forest-track, keep your spirits up, hope for the best, and with a tremendous slice of luck you may come out one day and see the Long Marshes lying below you, and beyond them, high in the East, the Lonely Mountain where dear old Smaug lives, though I hope he is not expecting you."

Soon, the wizard was off, but before he dissappeared from view, they all heard his voice come faintly;

"Don't leave the path!"

Celyn looked after him.

"That's just perfect." Nori said, standing next to her. "Just what to expect from a wizard, eh?"

"Quit your wining." Bofur said, and slapped his friend on the back. Whether of not this was to keep up appearances or they had reconciled was a mystery to Celyn.  
"Can look out for ourselves, eh?"

It was quite clear though, that Bofurs merriness held a facade of different kinds. He too felt weary that the wizard was leaving.

"Wherever he's heading," Celyn said, as she looked after the enigmatic old man. "I hope it wasn't anything too urgent or dangerous. Though I hardly think it would be anything _but_ that."

Bofur looked at her. Her compassion warmed him. He couldn't help but to put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. The simple, plain gesture made her want to cry with relief that he was touching her again. Every touch from him was an equal joy and painful reminder.

"He'll be just fine, lass." he said, meeting her light blue gaze with his. "Not the first time the old Gray leaves us for finer company. Anyway, let's care about ourselves before we care about something which is out of our hands."

"I suppose you're right." she said and smiled, too happy to feel his hands on her again, even if the gesture could be viewed as nothing but strictly reassuring and platonic.

"You're all right with all that stuff on ya?" Bofur said, concerned as he eyed all the extra weight that had ended up on her back. "I could carry some for you if you like."

"We both could." Nori said, not wanting to be seen of a less helpful nature than Bofur.

Celyn gave a short laugh. They both looked to be carrying as much as it was possible to fit on a dwarven back.

"Thank you both, but I'm fine. I'd like to be able to help as well. Like I said, I want to pull my share."

She looked to the foreboding forest again.

"Besides," she said. "It will get a whole lot lighter once the food supply starts running short."

It had been meant to come out as a cheeky joke, but she failed miserably, judging by Bofurs eyes on her.

"Aren't you merry?" Nori said, having overheard what Celyn had said.  
"Don't worry your pretty head, darling. I've had my fair share of squirrel during my days. They're not an easy catch, but I bet there must be loads of them in a forest that size. Doesn't tast half bad either."

"You're right." Celyn said and gave him a smile. "I musn't think so much ahead of things. It will be a completely new experience cooking and eating squirrel. Maybe I'll even enjoy it."

"Don't you worry lass." Bofur said. "We'll just take care of each other. As long as the entire company stays close together, no harm will come to us."

It was good to have Bofur talking to her again. With Nori present, things started to seem more like they were before their kiss, despite the words that had been exchanged between the two dwarves. It kept things in check and stopped any of them to act on whatever feelings was between the two of them. Besides, if they made it out of the forest all in one piece, it wouldn't be long before Celyn would be home in Laketown again. And then...Well, she was just going to have to keep this experience as a precious memory. Though most of it so far was things she could live without having etched into her head.

_"Time...Is something we don't have..."_

At Thorins command, everyone shouldered their heavy pack and the water-skin which was their share. A sigh could be heard from many members of the company, although no one made a verbal complaint. As they started walking, they seemed to be leaving all light and fresh air behind, in exchange for a solid wall of darkness and stuffy air. Celyn was chocked. As they plunged deeper into the forest, she had hoped that her breathing would become easier, and that there would be more light. But no such changes were seen, and no change seemed to be coming. This could not be the same forest she had been venturing through three years ago, or could it?

The company walked in a single file. Celyn had Nori in front of her and Bofur at the back. The path was very narrow and wound in and out among the trunks, as if specifically created that way to increase chance of luring them astray. Not only was there little air to breathe and dark, but the quiet was so deep and solid that their feet seemed to thump along, while the blackened trees leaned in over them and listened intently. The farer they went, the trees seemed to become more and more looming and threatening. Celyn did not like this place. To her, the forest seemed as foreign as to the rest of the company. Even though she was sandwiched between the two members of the company that she trusted the most, she felt unsafe and exposed to the environment. She couldn't wait to get out safely on the other side.

The dwarves had a great advantage over Celyn and Bilbo. They could see through the dimness much better, and their eyes adjusted quicker. It was a trait that came from being hewn from rock and living in the darkness under the mountain for many generations. Celyn had to constanly watch where she put her feet, afraid of stumbling and falling. She had been enough trouble as it was, and she didn't need more sores to go with the ones on her back. Now that she was heavily loaded with a pack, they were a painful reminder of the goblins wicked talent for torture. They still weren't fully healed. She only prayed they wouldn't give her any unnecessary trouble along the way.

"This way." Celyn heard Dwalins voice at the front. He constantly tapped his war hammer at the smooth rocks which were laid out, marking their path. They were often swallowed by the matted leaves on the forest floor.

That was the first time anyone had really talked since they had entered the forest. Celyn knew one thing; There would not be any unnecessary talking. Singing would be completely out of the question. Everyone was too tensed for that, and Mirkwood did not seem the rightful place for such merriness. She cast a glance backwards at Bofur. All she could make out of him was his silhouette and his lighter skin aganist his dark beard and clothes. It was difficult to tell whether he returned her look, but Celyn thought she saw the outlines of a smile on his face. She missed the times when they had been able to speak freely already, as if though vast amounts of time had passed and they had known each other for a long time. She missed him. But maybe it was all for the better.

Occasionally a slender beam of sun that had the luck to slip in through some opening in the leaves far above, and still more luck in not being caught in the tangled boughs and matted twigs beneath, stabbed down thin and bright before them. But this was seldom, and it soon ceased altogether. The darkness had fallen over the forest. The night did little difference to the forest at daytime. The change was barely noticable.

"We don't stray away from the path. We camp right next to it. I want two on guard duty tonight." Thorin said before quietly adding; "I do not trust this forest."

"As if anyone would be able to sleep in a place like this." Nori said, remembering the last time he was on watch duty, blushing despite himself at the memory. He had seen how Bofur looked at Celyn, but he hardly believed that the friendly miner had had the time to please himself to carfted images of her in his mind. Like Nori had.

"You can always hold me if you get scared." Bofur chuckled. Nori was thankful that Bofur didn't seen to hold any grudges aganist him. It made matters less complicated.

"How can I be scared when I know there are foul things out there as we speak?" Nori said quietly, not wanting Celyn to hear. She was unfastening her water-skin which she drank modestly from. Nori could tell she wanted more, but that she probably used common sense and held back, despite her thirst. They had all been warned about not drinking any water they were to come across in the forest.

Bofur gave Nori a look which said it all. He had seen the large cobwebs.

"I'm just saying." Nori said and crossed his arms. "I don't want her to get upset again, but you know, we all have to watch it."

"I know." Bofur said. "You just keep your mouth shut about it."

Celyn looked at the company as they settled down a bit in the inpromptu camp right next to the path. Everyone had already fished out provisions from their pack, but lighting a fire for light and warmth was there no talk of. She followed suit and dug into a _cram._ It was a biscuit-like food which the company had been provided by Beorn. It was dry and more of a chewing exercise than enjoyable to eat. To make them last, they were also very dry, and like most of Beorns foods, contained plenty of honey, thus fueling Celyns thirst. She also picked out a pear from her pack, but hesitated. She needed to make the food last. It always proved to be more challenging than she thought. She remembered leaving Bree that cold morning in the early summer. It seemed years ago now. She had brought too little food, but then again, it had been all she could get her hand upon on such short notice.

_"Damn you woman, I swear I will get you for this!"_

She had even hesitated, and even thought about going back...But as she went deeper and deeper into the wild, her hesitation had lessened. When she got attacked in the night by the goblins, she thought herself as foolish, and she had had an instant feeling of regret. That she had had it coming. Now that she was on her way back to Laketown, the only foolish thing had seemed to stay in Bree with Halbar. It was not a matter of living or dying, it was a matter of how she would choose to die. Would she die if she stayed with Halbar? Doubtlessly. And really, what was the difference between rotting away, locked away in a small village, slowly working herself to death? She could have done the same thing, only the surroundings would have been exchanged for the sandy floor of Goblintown.

She sat down next to an oak, leaning aganist the blackened trunk. Normally, one would feel safe leaning aganist a sturdy tree like that, but it might just as well have been the leg of a troll.

"Mind if we join you?" she heard Bofurs voice somewhere close, over her. She struggled to make him and Nori out amongst the shadows.

"Not at all." she said. "Would feel a lot safer if you did, actually."

"You don't like the dark, do you?" Nori asked as he sat down next to Celyn.

"How can I, when I barely can make out my hand in front of me?" she answered. "I was born in Laketown, Master Nori." she said quietly, not forgetting that they all needed to keep their voices down both in order to hear and to not be heard.

"It is hardly known for its sunshine all year around, but we get it out on the lake as well. I miss the sun already, in fact."

"It's hardly any better than the goblin tunnels, is it?" Bofur said, still seeing better in the dark than Celyn did. He could look at her, even stare at her, without her noticing.

"I'm afraid not." Celyn said, already wondering for how long they would be in Mirkwood. She could hear the naturally heavy breathing the two dwarves beside her were making. She found it comforting to hear such clear signs of life so close to her.

"As long as we stick to the path we'll be out in no time." Nori said. He wanted to reassure Celyn, and even himself. He hoped that his skills as a liar came to their right. The truth was, he hated the forest just as much as the rest already.

"I hope you're right." Celyn said. Left without her sight, it made her easier to detect the doubt in Noris voice.

* * *

It wasn't long before everyone rolled out their sleeping rolls. There would not be much sleeping going on that night. They all could make out noises that put them all on end. Grunts, scufflings and hurrying in the undergrowth. Even the dwarves eyes could not see what was making the noise. It had been a very wise move of Thorin to put two on guard duty, Celyn thought. She noticed that the entire company was much closer to her than she had noticed other nights. Everyone wanted to sleep huddled together, seeking some feeling of safety. She tried making Bofur out, and in the darkness she could make him out, laying next to her, almost as close as they had been that morning when she had woken up next to him, holding his hand.

He looked at her, she was sure of it. Celyn decided to test if he really were looking. She noticed that Bofurs hand lay stretched out beside him, not far away from hers. She reached for him.

Nothing.

A little closer.

Still nothing.

Celyn felt that cold, hard lump growing in her stomach again. Dissapointment reared its ugly head. Maybe he had made his choice.

But then, carefully, she could feel his fingers touching hers. No more than the fluttering of a butterfly wing on her skin, as if he was hesatating just as much as she did. She met him halfway and carefully, softly entwined her fingers in his, as if both were made of glass, afraid the other might break at any time. A sigh escaped them both. They could not speak. They could make no movement. They could not make any noise what so ever. But for a moment, more words were spoken between them without any of them having to open their mouths. For a moment, things felt better.

"Good night, Bofur." Celyn mouthed the words rather than whispering them. She could not risk more than those three words.

"Night, lass."

Not even an elf would have been able to hear them. And no one knew or saw.


End file.
